She said not to get my hopes up because she just recently split with someone

[shyman]

Hi.

 

I recently met this girl in a club, she was all over me. This is the only time I ever ask girls for their numbers. Anyway I asked her for her number, and she said you're messing. I did want her number so after convincing her I wasn't lying I got it. I don't know whether to take that as a good sign or a bad sign. We have exchanged texts etc, she said she recently had a boyfriend and it didn't work out so she said she doesn't want me to get my hopes up. She agreed to go the pictures with me and said see how it goes from there.

 

I am asking for other peoples views on this as what she said to me seems like a nice way to say lets just be friends or I am not interested in you and its something for her to fall back on. Then I think she could be telling the truth. I don't know what to think, I am confused.

 

I have had phone calls with her, both lasting about 30 mins each. They have been hard for me though! I always try too hard when it comes to girls and end up asking stupid things or the same things again. I have this feeling that she will turn round and say she won't want to go the pictures with me any more.

 

Do I need to ring or at least text her everyday until I see her again? I don't want to sound desperate and I don't want to not show interest.

 

Anyone got any thoughts?

 

Thanks.

[Quest]

Hi Shyman. I am in much the same situation as the woman you met so can only tell you how I feel in this situation. I do want to get back out there and meet men again but I'm a bit cautious, having had quite a hurtful time not so long ago. If a man wanted my number I would give it to him if I liked him and thought he would use it. If he wanted to take me to the cinema I'd go - but only if I was interested in him romantically. I wouldn't waste my time if it was just a friendship I was after - like most people I have a lot of friends to go to the cinema with. That's not to say it would work out but I'd be interested enough to see if there was any potential with the guy. As to texts and phonecalls - I prefer if men aren't too 'full on' until or unless something has developed. A phonecall to make an arrangement prior to a first date is all that is needed. If it goes well and you want to see her again you can make another arrangement - and phone her up or text her to do it. It's too much having someone you hardly know calling you/texting you all the time but it's nice to feel they are interested and fine if they want to check out arrangements.

Hope that helps and hope it goes well - I'd say she's at least curious, so be positive!

[shyman]

Hey,

 

Well she said she couldnt make it due to going out with her mates, so she said sorry I can do the night after if you want? So I said ok. She cancelled again saying she was sick, and that she could do this coming Wednesday. So I ring her up yesterday saying I am confused, she asks why and that I shouldnt take it personally. Bit of an awkward conversaton on the phone really. I text her after it saying I am sorry if I sounded snotty but that I was tired and a bit disappointed. I ask her are we still cool? She says yer fine, speak to you in the week. Texted her this morning saying Morning how you doing? No reply, this could be due to her in work but she usually replies fairly quickly.

 

The day that she wants to meet up I cant do myself really but I wont get a chance to see her as she is going on holiday next week and Wednesday is the only time she says she is free.

 

End of the day I have cocked up big time, this always happens to me

 

I was thinking of saying that I am just going to tell her the truth now. That when I do something wrong I just keep digging myself into a hole about it. I am thinking of saying to her that I am not used to this situation. What I mean is that when it comes to girls it is like a foreign language to me. I feel like telling her that I have never really got a girls number and then they continue to text me like she has (up until now were I cocked up yesterday). Then just say I will give her the odd text during the week to see how she is, and ring her up the day before she goes on holiday.

 

Any ideas what I should do?

 

Much appriciated. Thanks.

[Quest]

"The day that she wants to meet up I cant do myself really but I wont get a chance to see her as she is going on holiday next week and Wednesday is the only time she says she is free.

 

End of the day I have cocked up big time, this always happens to me"

 

I don't see what you've done wrong at all. She's the one who has changed arrangements. All you've done is try to see her. If you can't see her the night she says she's free maybe that is a good thing as it shows you've got a life too! But you definitely haven't done anything wrong. If anything, she's the one who has been changing arrangements and making life difficult.

As to telling her about your problems with girls - I wouldn't. Just a feeling, but it might put her off. Maybe later, if you get to know her you can tell her about how nervous you were etc. (Anyway, doesn't sound like you have too many problems - she's still interested and in contact.)

I'd just text her to arrange a date that suits you both (if it's not til after her holiday, wait til she gets back) and then nearer the time text her again, or call her, to check it's still on.

Sounds like she's quite relaxed about things and happy to take them as they come so I'd just behave the same way and be open to other things and other people (girls!) until you know whether it's going to be anything serious with her.

Hope it works out.

[shyman]

Well I gave her a call on the monday, ya no wen i didn't get a reply off her text, she never answered. Then later on at about 7:30 I get a text off her saying 'Yea Im ok, left phone at home whilst in work. Think its best leaving things as they r. Only just broke up with me ex and Im happy with just me mates atm.' So i reply saying I kinda gathered, ill give u a text after u come back off ur hols. She says ill text u, if i dnt text then thats how i want it. Then i go ok, have a nice hol n take care.

 

Now i didnt understand that, so it was bugging me. So i text her yesterday saying u were all over me etc on that night out. it was that call on sun that cocked it up wasn't it? She didnt reply for a bit so i just though cba ne more n deleted her number. Now her reply imo, was harsh and OTT. She said 'ur harrasin me and puttin me under pressure to do stuff! Everyone having a laugh on sat. Lets just leave it' Now i said 'didnt mean to come across like that, was only trying to organise a diff day. Was gonna say leave it untill after ur hols.' She said 'I cant be doing with the hassle I have decided now that Im not gonna text u wen i get back. just delete me number.'

 

I am confused to say the least.

[justagirliegirl]

Nothing to be confused about. She's just not interested.

 

In the future, I wouldn't be so accommodating.

[vivrantflo]

At first I was gonna advise you to take it VERY slow with her, being that she just got out of a relationship, and you had the potential to be a rebound for her. But dude, you came on waaaay to strong, and it scared her off. When you meet someone for the first time, and there's interest... all you have to do is suggest a date, and put it out there ONCE. If she's interested, she'll say so. If she puts it off because she's sick, or busy with friends, just say that it's cool, and that she can call you when she has to time to go out. and leave it like that. She doesnt know you at all, yet you were filling her inbox with text messeges.. that would put anyone off. Next time, just take it easy, and don't be so aggressive from the start.

[shyman]

Point taken, but I still think she was harsh saying I was harrasing her though. Like I said before that is my opinion anyway. Was only trying to organise a different day as she kept cancelling! Plus she was cancelling the days she suggested. It wasnt as if I was saying do 2morrow if not the day after that if not the day after that.....now that would be harrasing and I wasnt pressuring her into doing anything wot so ever. I was just asking and she was agreeing, she could have just said no.

[JCD]

Go out only with girls that want to be with you. When they start making excuses it's time for you to bail out. Don't ask them what's wrong or tell them that you don't have experience and their behavior confuses you. Simply, don't make contact with them and let them come to you on their own choosing. They know your intentions so if ever they're interested again they'll come to you. Most people learned the same lesson you learned here so it's normal to question the girl and go crazy about the situation. Been there done that. From now on, serious offers only

[shyman]

Yea ur right JCD. Its just that her saying I was harrasing her is harsh tbh and that is still making me feel like **** now. She did seem interested 2 be fair to begin with, she must have thought i was coming on too strong as mentioned above. I dnt think I did thou.

 

Thanks.

[jcster]

Well, she tried being nice and said she wasn't ready to date yet. She said if she changed her mind she'd contact you. That's the end.

 

The fact that you didn't listen to her and texted her the next day, despite what she had said, made her angry. Even though your intention wasn't to harrass her, it was a form of harrassment in that she asked you NOT TO CONTACT HER! And you did.

 

Just drop it, erase her number and move on.

[shyman]

that call on sun that cocked it up wasn't it? She didnt reply for a bit so i just though cba ne more n deleted her number.

 

Already done, I have learnt from my mistake and have taken vivrantflo's and JCD's advice. Thanks for that, realise I must have been coming across as coming on too string to her.

[shyman]

Right I have learnt my lesson but i still regret what I did. Some days I am ok and just forget about it but others, like today, i keep playing it back and seeing how stupid I was to put her off. She was a friend of a friend i feel like asking him to say to her that i regret coming on too strong. Nothing can be done now anyway as she is on holiday.

 

Only contemplating this as I genuinely think she was interested and I have only had the nerve to get 3 girls numbers since i have been going out. The 1st didnt reply, the 2nd one I didn't like and the 3rd...well u know how that turned out.

 

Thanks for the people who have already replied I have learnt from this and will never ever come on too strong AGAIN. If anyone could offer more advice than 'just move on' i would appreciate it. As like I have said some days i am ok but others i aint so good and think that I ruined it all.

[littlepiggy1]

Well, at least you recognize that you were too aggressive. But now you're still hung up on her. What you have to realize is that just because you had a good time at the club, it really doesn't mean jack. I've done things "in the moment" only to regret or realize there's nothing there the next day. Probably what she is going through. Plus, coming off a breakup she's probably confused and sorting through her own crap.

 

Quite frankly, you sound a bit desperate and/or insecure and you need to get that in check. Figure yourself out first and foremost and you won't make this sort of mistake again.