Husband of 7 years left me and our 2 kids for another married women

[qickest12]

Good Day all, I am going to try to make a long story short. I am a 31 year old married for 7 years mother of two kids ages 3 and 11 mo. 5 Months ago husband out of the blue said he was not happy and wanted to seperate. First question I asked was "Is it another woman?" He swore it was not. I moved out with our two kids in Feb. I have been nothing but the best wife and mother I know how. I thought we were happily married, so all of this has taken me by surprise. I could not understand were his unhappiness was coming from and why he was so willing to just destroy our family without any attempt at fixing whatever was broken. Fast forward to last Thursday. I received a certified letter in the mail asking me to call a phone number regarding my husband. So I immediatly call the number. It is some guy who says he is the husband of a co-worker of my husbands and that my husband and his wife have been having an affair dating back to September and asked me could we meet to talk and go over all the evidence he had. I met him later that day and boy did he ever have proof, he had phone records of my husband and his wife call back and forth to his home and well as her cell phone going back to September and he has been following his wifes every move without her knowing and has seen them together. His wife moved out of there home with there 2 year old daughter and asked him for a divorce. He was in the same boat I was in as far as not understading why his wife would just destroy there family without trying to work on it. My husband and his wife do not know that we know of there affair. I think they plan on living together in my home once we get a divorce. My question is has anyone ever known of a relationship to work with a cheating husband and cheating wife get together. I just can't believe that they think there relationship is going to prosper when it was started under such evil circumstances. Please chime in all. GUNNY looking forward to your reply.

 

Thanks in advance

[Bobster999]

No I don't know of any relationships like that working but it doesn't matter. They are working on lust right now and logical thinking is out the door.

[Topper]

First you need to make sure that he pays child support. I would get a legal document of separation and have the courts set child support right now. Why did you move out of the house? was it his home before you were married? if you bought the home together the courts will make the husband move out if kids are involved.

There isn't anything you can do to make him come back to you. In fact for your own well being start moving on with your life.

He has made his choice for better or worse he will have to live with that choice. right now you may be thinking you want him to admit he made a mistake and come running back to you. Don't count on it. It might take sometime for he and his co worker to realize how bad of a mistake they made.

Office work related affairs are way up. The number of married woman having affairs in the office is almost as high as the number of married men. Think about this, the average man or women spends more time with co workers then they do with their own family. A successful guy or woman moving up the corporate ladder puts way more then 40 hours a week into their job. Now consider that when he or she is at home there are always some problems to deal with and chores to do Plus bills to pay and the list goes on. The real quality time is next to nothing. We really are placing money and careers over our own families. This is not an excuse for him. this isa big mistake or his part he will now have an even bigger financial load to deal with. he has jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Unfortunately you are the one to also get burned.

[azianpride143]

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. My STBXW did the same thing and continues to have an affair with a married co-worker. It is wrong but then

it happened and not much you can do about your situation. Except to protect yourself. Please get some legal advice and find out what you are entitled to. I would also get some IC to help with dealing with the pain and moving on. If you try too hard to bring him back into the marriage. You may push him away

even further. So the best form of action would be legal route for now. Post what you feel in LS. You will get excellent advice here in the forums.

[dadof4]

I know this is not want you want to hear, but these kind of relationships can work out even though the odds are probably against it. I know of someone who left his second marriage and two kids for a woman who became his third wife. They were married for 50 years or so before they both died within a few weeks of each other last year. Even relationships that seem very unlikely to succeed sometimes work out.

[TomArmy]

It's funny because that is almost the exact same thing that happened with my STBXs parents, only she was a bit older at the time. I think it has certainly affected her view of relationships although its difficult to say how (our breakup wasn't due to cheating). In any case, the father is still with the other woman although I think he somewhat regrets his actions now that his children are older and it has obviously taken its toll on them. It was definitely a choice made in lust as others have said, a bad idea at the time, no two ways about it. The mother in the instance I know has moved on from the event and is dating again, although its taken many years and a lot of effort since she still doesn't understand why exactly everything happened. I guess some people are just more selfish and less rational than others. My sympathies go out to you and your children, I know how difficult this is/will be.

[sumdude]

It's funny because that is almost the exact same thing that happened with my STBXs parents, only she was a bit older at the time. I think it has certainly affected her view of relationships although its difficult to say how (our breakup wasn't due to cheating). In any case, the father is still with the other woman although I think he somewhat regrets his actions now that his children are older and it has obviously taken its toll on them. It was definitely a choice made in lust as others have said, a bad idea at the time, no two ways about it. The mother in the instance I know has moved on from the event and is dating again, although its taken many years and a lot of effort since she still doesn't understand why exactly everything happened. I guess some people are just more selfish and less rational than others. My sympathies go out to you and your children, I know how difficult this is/will be.

 

 

I know one thing... IF I ever imagine marriage again... She will have come from parents who stayed married! Mine did. Better chance of her having an example of how to make it through the inevitable rough patches unlike my STBX who gave up after just over a year of turbulence. She basically followed in her mother's, sisters AND fathers footsteps.

[Missy27]

Good Day all, I am going to try to make a long story short. I am a 31 year old married for 7 years mother of two kids ages 3 and 11 mo. 5 Months ago husband out of the blue said he was not happy and wanted to seperate. First question I asked was "Is it another woman?" He swore it was not. I moved out with our two kids in Feb. I have been nothing but the best wife and mother I know how. I thought we were happily married, so all of this has taken me by surprise. I could not understand were his unhappiness was coming from and why he was so willing to just destroy our family without any attempt at fixing whatever was broken. Fast forward to last Thursday. I received a certified letter in the mail asking me to call a phone number regarding my husband. So I immediatly call the number. It is some guy who says he is the husband of a co-worker of my husbands and that my husband and his wife have been having an affair dating back to September and asked me could we meet to talk and go over all the evidence he had. I met him later that day and boy did he ever have proof, he had phone records of my husband and his wife call back and forth to his home and well as her cell phone going back to September and he has been following his wifes every move without her knowing and has seen them together. His wife moved out of there home with there 2 year old daughter and asked him for a divorce. He was in the same boat I was in as far as not understading why his wife would just destroy there family without trying to work on it. My husband and his wife do not know that we know of there affair. I think they plan on living together in my home once we get a divorce. My question is has anyone ever known of a relationship to work with a cheating husband and cheating wife get together. I just can't believe that they think there relationship is going to prosper when it was started under such evil circumstances. Please chime in all. GUNNY looking forward to your reply.

 

Thanks in advance

The relationship between your H and his OW in all probability will not last. Its a relationship that has been built on lies and deceit. How will they be able to trust eachother when each of them will know that the other is capable of infidelity ~ ? A good relationship is built on trust and although there are exceptions, theirs is definitely not a partnership with solid and pure foundations.

 

If I were you I would be outing your H & OW's affair. I would be telling everybody upon everybody. I;m sure as an intelligent woman yourself, you can let the cat out of the bag without the finger of blame pointing back to you. I'd definitely be letting H know that you are fully aware of what is going on and see how he reacts to his little fantasy bubble being burst. One of the reason's people have affairs is because they thrive on the thrill of the danger of it all. The secrecy and deceit is all part of the game. Take that away and the affair has unwanted pressure put on it that is sometimes enough to scare at least one of the parties involved back to reality.

 

A marriage CAN survive infidelity but it takes two people who are 110% committed to try and repair it. You didn't say in your original post whether you would be prepared to try and work things out, but I am assuming that with 2 young children to think of you wouldn't be all out against the idea.

 

First thing to do is confront your H with the evidence and see how he feels. There are often many underlying issues surrounding infidelity and it's essential that these are forced to the surface whether the marriage survives or not. Its fundamental to the growth of BOTH of you to try and hash these things out in order to at least prevent the same thing happening in any other relationship that you may have. Its kind of a learning experience to a point. One of life's hard lessons.

 

For the moment, I would suggest googling "marriagebuilders" -there's alot of very useful information about surviving infidelity on their and Have a look at "plan a and plan b" on the site, it might give you some more ideas

[Mino]

The relationship between your H and his OW in all probability will not last. Its a relationship that has been built on lies and deceit. How will they be able to trust eachother when each of them will know that the other is capable of infidelity ~ ? A good relationship is built on trust and although there are exceptions, theirs is definitely not a partnership with solid and pure foundations.

my response to above quote< Sorry I had to cut and paste My opinion below to above thread

I think the same goes for trying to keep a marriage. Where is the trust, love, respect? GONE! Destroyed, by the lying cheating husband. I think the H/ow have a better shot at making this relationship work, Then husband and wife. Wife does not trust him qanymore, he has no respect for her anymore, and thier marriage vow were broken. It would be only a matter of time

[Lizzie60]

I was the OW for 9 years with my first ex... then his wife left him (she knew) then he moved with me almost right away... I left him after 18 years of living together...

 

But the odds are against it.

[azianpride143]

You just have to ask yourself if you can live with the infidelity and knowing your husband fooled around. I asked myself the same question and decided it's not worth it. The moment my STBXW made that choice to have an affair. She destroyed the very foundation of our marriage. After I exposed the affair,

I gave her one last chance to try to save the marriage since we do have 2 kids. But she was too wrapped up into it that no matter what I did it would have not mattered. So the choice is yours. Mine was to end the marriage. There was no sense in creating a facade in front of the kids. I know this will affect their lives forever. I just can't pretend or live a lie. I am still much of a parent to both my kids and will always be. I am just no longer a husband who allows himself to be treated like a "doormat".