Lynna Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 OOD, I am really worried for you. It sounds like he is emotionally abusing you by forcing you to live in this situation. Especially if he is monitoring your posts and changing your passwords! I know your son is not well and I know you are trying to avoid stress for him, but your situation is really messed up. Your husband is taking advantage of you and is even taking advantage of your son's illness. He is using the knowledge that you don't want to want to exacerbate your son's illness by adding stress of a separation or a divorce to keep doing whatever he wants to do. That is NOT the way a father acts! A father does not take advantage of his children or of a mother's love for their children. I can't imagine the stress between you and your H is not affecting your son at all. I am sure that he can sense something is going on. You should confront your H when the kids are not around of course and lay it all on the line for him. Confront him with what a horrible father he is being. Confront him with how he is using and abusing your children. Tell him that it has got to stop. You can personally take out a restraining order on the OW if she keeps harassing you, especially if it is affecting your children. If you had to, could you tell the kids that he needed to go on an extended work trip as a reason to make him get out of the house, at least for a short period of time? Or he could even be needed at an out of town branch for a few months. Just an idea. I know you can't say what the whole situation is, I just hope that eventually you can find a safe way out of it, safe for both you and the children.
raincloud Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 OOD....please take care of yourself. Don't let yourself drown in this. I completely understand your pain, sorrow, fear, and anger. But, as with my situation, there comes a time when you have to take care of you. I went over all the "what-ifs", and you know, my situation is what it is....I'll make it one way or another, with or without my husband. And any family or friends that don't stand by you if you do decide to take a stand, well you don't really need them anyway. You don't have to bear the burden alone OOD.... I'm really worried about you.
justagirliegirl Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 Why on earth don't you make your H change his cell phone number?
Author outofdarkness Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 Why on earth don't you make your H change his cell phone number? Ohhh. you have NO idea how many times I tried to make him do this...He wouldn't even do it after I kicked him out and forced him into treatment. I get all sorts of excused for THAT one...He's had the same # for over 10 years I think!
2sunny Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 i think i'd just pack his things and tell him to leave. don't even talk to him about divorce or the future. just tell him you don't like the way he's living and you don't want to deal with it or see it every day.
silktricks Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 Ood, how do you think they are able to change your passwords? You are a smart lady! So what is it that they've got, do you think? I'm also worried about you.
bish Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 I think you are grossly misrepresenting another poster ie/ Lizzie, that I have read so far I've not once seen anything remotely close to Lizzie pursuing after the men she sleeps with nor does she condone interfering with people's personal daily lives, so please don't twist things around. She has written on here that she enjoys being with married men. So it IS interfering with people's daily lives, whether the BS knows it or not.
bish Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 I am not contradicting myself... you just don't get it... simple. I have said that I don't want the MMs to leave their wife...yes.. I don't want them... I'm not in love with them... get that! Oh I get you don't care. Don't worry there, I get you all too well. You don't want them to leave their wives, but the very fact you are sleeping with their husbands, then you say have no sympathy for these wives that stay with them and get walked all over....uh, hello!!!! You say you don't want them to leave their husbands you are messing around with, then in another breath say they are pretty much stupid and you have no sympathy for them if they stay. GOT THAT?? The wives of the MMs I'm seeing have absolutely no idea their husband is cheating on them...so they have no reason to be unhappy.... get that! Oh gee...that makes what you're doing much better doesn't it? I said that I don't have pity for women who are dealing with serial cheaters, jerks who abuse them... and they choose to stay with him because they can't face life on their own... because of the children...because they don't have a job... because ...because... get that! Ah, and the men who are cheating on them are NOT jerks? Ya..ok...GOT THAT!! And if the wife finds out and stays with him because she has a sense of responsibility to the family, then you have no sympathy for her. I get it! You have no sympathy for the victim of you and their husband. Don't try to twist my posts.. .if needed, go back and read all my posts and you'll see that I have never contradicted myself... I'm not twisting anything. You brag about being with married men, and say you have no sympathy for a wife, who for whatever reason, stays with her H. If you want to spew your husband stealing crap in your other sections of the forum, then you go ahead. But how dare you take someone like OOD who is in pain and rub her nose in shi!t. She doesn't need that and she doesn't need someone like you telling her you have no sympathy for her. We all know you don't give a crap about anyone but yourself.....GET THAT!!
Author outofdarkness Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 Ood, how do you think they are able to change your passwords? You are a smart lady! So what is it that they've got, do you think? I'm also worried about you. IDK HOW, I just know it's happening. I know there is not a keylogger b/c I had a comp. specialist go thru the comp w/ a fine tooth comb...Who knows what they do and why they do it. MM and OW are very good at both portraying and actually making the W FEEL crazy....
whichwayisup Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 Is there such a thing as an external keylogger? Like maybe they've hacked the computer and taken it over? I don't understand why he's doing this to you, it's just so f**k'n cruel and malicous! And to the others, this thread is NOT ABOUT LIZZIE. It's about OOD and her life, so please, if you are having issues with Lizzie, transfer your comments to the other thread that she started. It's not fair to OOD to have the topic of discussion change to someone else.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 It is my understanding that keyloggers can be of the software type which are divided into two kinds... keyboard hooks and those which work on a kernel mode (I have no clue what that means) and hardware types which are ususally embedded either in the keyboard or in the connection from the keyboard to the computer tower. These hardware types are not picked up by antikeyloggers. Some antikeyloggers do detect both the kernel and keyboard hook software types but most only detect the keyboard hooks. Many keyloggers today can be sent in an email and then send the information along to an outside account.
silktricks Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 IDK HOW, I just know it's happening. I know there is not a keylogger b/c I had a comp. specialist go thru the comp w/ a fine tooth comb...Who knows what they do and why they do it. MM and OW are very good at both portraying and actually making the W FEEL crazy.... If you've had a GOOD computer guy go through the PC, then you probably (stress probably) don't have a trojan. Did he also check the connections? There are external gadgets that are also key loggers. Those gadget usually (but not always) need physical access to read. Do you have a wireless access point? If so, you could be "listened to" through the wireless. Also, is your keyboard wireless? A lot of people don't realize that a wireless keyboard can be picked up from a distance. Have you enough money to get yourself a little tiny laptop that is just yours. You carry it with you and never ever type on any other device. Don't ever let ANYONE else touch it. Get a really really smart security guy (many PC folks don't know squat about security) to set it up for you, so that the wireless is well secured. Be careful where you use it, though, as often the free hotspots are set up pretty open. Get virus protection, but also get a software firewall that you understand and get it properly secured as well. You have to be able to have an outlet where you feel safe, and they've been taking that away from you. If you want to PM me, please feel free. As you know I'm not really prompt at responding, but will be glad to be of as much assistance as I can. I will be happy to help you out where I can. BTW, what kind of work do your husband and the primary OW do? Are they in IT? But on the other note, be sure that you take care of yourself. If you can possibly get this poison out of your life, it seems like that may be the thing to do. ((((hugs))))
Tomcat33 Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 OOD I say this with all the respect I can muster and I speak to you as if I were speaking to a close friend: Unless you put your foot down and are willing to walk aywa from this man and show him that you WILL NOT TOLERATE his behaviour anymore, unless you are prepared in mind and body to walk away, he is NOT going to stop. You can come up with 101 spy gadgets to catch this man in another lie but the bottom line is whta good do all these gadgets to you if you cannot do anything form your new found knowledge. Besides he will try to outdo you every time, he hasn't gone as far as bringing one of his women to your house or doing so out in the open but he is dancing on the line of doing this. I'm afraid unless you take some power back you have completely lost the battle in this case. You have no bargaining power at all OOD. I feel for you for your situation I really do, but you truly want things to change you need to help yourself. And I don't want to hear all the reasons why OOD cannot leave, it doesn't matter anymore I've read enough of her situation to know what is happening there, OOD is asking why this is happening and why it's not stopping and so this post is my answer. Please no more excuses, as valid reasons as they may be, there is no other way. Short of this man being struck by some sort of miracle nothing will change unless she takes charge. When we find ourselves in a situation that we cannot control that makes us unhappy we can only change ourselves, we cannot change others.
Havn_a_life Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 IDK HOW, I just know it's happening. I know there is not a keylogger b/c I had a comp. specialist go thru the comp w/ a fine tooth comb...Who knows what they do and why they do it. MM and OW are very good at both portraying and actually making the W FEEL crazy.... My advice? If you feel that your H and the OW is doing these things to you, why are you with him? He's a back stabber. I would not deal with that for anything or anyone.
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 Is there such a thing as an external keylogger? There are hardware key loggers that plug into the computer.. either on the usb port or serial port.. After they grab the info they unplug and remove the hardware and nobody knows.. now if she was typing on a laptop then it would be hard to hide.. but on a desktop computer it would plug into the back in the usb port.. Just google: hardware keylogger Keyghost is one.. and it is cheap
Havn_a_life Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 OOD I say this with all the respect I can muster and I speak to you as if I were speaking to a close friend: Unless you put your foot down and are willing to walk aywa from this man and show him that you WILL NOT TOLERATE his behaviour anymore, unless you are prepared in mind and body to walk away, he is NOT going to stop. You can come up with 101 spy gadgets to catch this man in another lie but the bottom line is whta good do all these gadgets to you if you cannot do anything form your new found knowledge. Besides he will try to outdo you every time, he hasn't gone as far as bringing one of his women to your house or doing so out in the open but he is dancing on the line of doing this. I'm afraid unless you take some power back you have completely lost the battle in this case. You have no bargaining power at all OOD. I feel for you for your situation I really do, but you truly want things to change you need to help yourself. And I don't want to hear all the reasons why OOD cannot leave, it doesn't matter anymore I've read enough of her situation to know what is happening there, OOD is asking why this is happening and why it's not stopping and so this post is my answer. Please no more excuses, as valid reasons as they may be, there is no other way. Short of this man being struck by some sort of miracle nothing will change unless she takes charge. When we find ourselves in a situation that we cannot control that makes us unhappy we can only change ourselves, we cannot change others. There is no good reason for her to be with her H. He sounds evil and he really sounds like he has no intention to change for her or anyone. He's a cake eater. Harsh but to the point. Get out and get a real life and leave the loser behind. Scrape him off, OOD. He's a useless POS who's just using you and form the sound of it backstabbing you with the OW or OWs. You deserve better and you know it. Pick yourself up and realize that. Realize it and walk on.
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 There are hardware key loggers that plug into the computer.. either on the usb port or serial port.. they also plug into the keyboard cable and look exactly like the cable.. it is hard to tell the difference between a hardware keylogger and the real keyboard cable..
Author outofdarkness Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 If you've had a GOOD computer guy go through the PC, then you probably (stress probably) don't have a trojan. Did he also check the connections? There are external gadgets that are also key loggers. Those gadget usually (but not always) need physical access to read. Do you have a wireless access point? If so, you could be "listened to" through the wireless. Also, is your keyboard wireless? A lot of people don't realize that a wireless keyboard can be picked up from a distance. Have you enough money to get yourself a little tiny laptop that is just yours. You carry it with you and never ever type on any other device. Don't ever let ANYONE else touch it. Get a really really smart security guy (many PC folks don't know squat about security) to set it up for you, so that the wireless is well secured. Be careful where you use it, though, as often the free hotspots are set up pretty open. Get virus protection, but also get a software firewall that you understand and get it properly secured as well. You have to be able to have an outlet where you feel safe, and they've been taking that away from you. If you want to PM me, please feel free. As you know I'm not really prompt at responding, but will be glad to be of as much assistance as I can. I will be happy to help you out where I can. BTW, what kind of work do your husband and the primary OW do? Are they in IT? But on the other note, be sure that you take care of yourself. If you can possibly get this poison out of your life, it seems like that may be the thing to do. ((((hugs)))) My H is in the financial industry..a senior vp...the particular ow that I spoke of at one point, I was told she was an attorney..Then I was told she was also a nurse...IDK..If you ask him he will still tell you that he has never laid eyes on her, that the A was conducted purely over the phone...He says he doesn't even know her last name. Anyone w/ a brain knows that is a lie. I can't tell you how many phone calls were on the cell bills when D day finally came out and how many trips he took to her neighboring state on "business"..When I asked after D day why he never went on "business" to this part. state anymore, he told me that they had closed the acct. LOL! So, I'm suppose to believe that: 1) They have never even seen each other in person, 2) The entire A was conducted over the phone, 3) He doesn't know her last name...He has known her for YEARS..Even back before cell phones and B berrys...I went up to the attic and found a bunch of his old planners, some of you may remember that is what people had to use back before Tech took off like it did...Her first name was splashed all over it...Lunch here, lunch there..etc...The one time I DID talk to her briefly after D day three years ago, she confirmed I assume what they had rehearsed...only phone conversations, no contact, etc...The she slipped up and told me they had known each other for years...Since the early AOL days..My H was an AOL 1.0 user and apparently has convinced himself that AOL caused all of this. HE won't even let the name be spoken to him...IDK..except that she scares me..IDK if she is holding something over his head, if he's in love w/ her and thats what makes her different..IDK! AND..This is not even the main 10 year OW..The "shadow wife" that wrote me the D day letter three summers ago...
Author outofdarkness Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 There is no good reason for her to be with her H. He sounds evil and he really sounds like he has no intention to change for her or anyone. He's a cake eater. Harsh but to the point. Get out and get a real life and leave the loser behind. Scrape him off, OOD. He's a useless POS who's just using you and form the sound of it backstabbing you with the OW or OWs. You deserve better and you know it. Pick yourself up and realize that. Realize it and walk on. I know, I know...it's a mess.
Author outofdarkness Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 My advice? If you feel that your H and the OW is doing these things to you, why are you with him? He's a back stabber. I would not deal with that for anything or anyone. yep..you're correct.
Author outofdarkness Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 OOD I say this with all the respect I can muster and I speak to you as if I were speaking to a close friend: Unless you put your foot down and are willing to walk aywa from this man and show him that you WILL NOT TOLERATE his behaviour anymore, unless you are prepared in mind and body to walk away, he is NOT going to stop. You can come up with 101 spy gadgets to catch this man in another lie but the bottom line is whta good do all these gadgets to you if you cannot do anything form your new found knowledge. Besides he will try to outdo you every time, he hasn't gone as far as bringing one of his women to your house or doing so out in the open but he is dancing on the line of doing this. I'm afraid unless you take some power back you have completely lost the battle in this case. You have no bargaining power at all OOD. I feel for you for your situation I really do, but you truly want things to change you need to help yourself. And I don't want to hear all the reasons why OOD cannot leave, it doesn't matter anymore I've read enough of her situation to know what is happening there, OOD is asking why this is happening and why it's not stopping and so this post is my answer. Please no more excuses, as valid reasons as they may be, there is no other way. Short of this man being struck by some sort of miracle nothing will change unless she takes charge. When we find ourselves in a situation that we cannot control that makes us unhappy we can only change ourselves, we cannot change others. yep...you're right too...
Author outofdarkness Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 Re: The whole keylogger thing. My comp guy is very thorough..He checked the keyboard and everything els. Also, to answer the question of do we have wireless..yes..b/c the kids have laptops for school. I don't have one...Never really thought about it until someone on this thread mentioned it..I will consider it. Funds are tight due to our son being sick for so long this year...
silktricks Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 Ood, tomcat and others have given you some very good and thoughtful advice. I wish you would strongly consider it. You need to look after yourself as no one is doing it for you, and if you don't then no one will!!
justagirliegirl Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 i think i'd just pack his things and tell him to leave. don't even talk to him about divorce or the future. just tell him you don't like the way he's living and you don't want to deal with it or see it every day. I love this idea! I really do! To the OP, are you able to kick his arse out again and make it stick? I love the part about not even mentioning divorce or the future or anything. He really does not deserve any answers. If you kick him out, you will have him out of your hair but still have the financial and other benefits of the marriage. Make him file for the divorce if he wants one. I bet he is too cowardly to do it. He doesn't want to lose everything. Then just make a life of your own without him in it. It is highly unconventional but at this point with a sick child and all a girl's gotta do what a girl needs to do. At least he won't be around rubbing this crap in your face all the time!
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