LucreziaBorgia Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 Of course he's having sex with his wife. He wouldn't take her on a week vacation if he were as miserable and sexless as he is leading you to believe. He'd be using that money to hire a lawyer, start separation/divorce proceedings, and get a place of his own if he were as bad off as he leads you to believe. As for not loving his wife the same way, well - that's normal. You don't love your spouse in the same insane, over the top way that you did when you first got together. That sort of thing fades, and is replaced by a deeper, more familial love - the sort where you can't imagine your life without them, and will not willingly leave them. Basically he's saying he misses being in lust, and since you are the sort who doesn't mind helping a married man lie and cheat, and the sort who allows yourself to be second best, you fit the bill perfectly. Insulting if you ask me. Besides, you don't really think he is going to throw away his wife, his kids if he has them, potential kids if he doesn't), his home, his extended family, his vacations, his family gatherings, his school district, his savings, his belongings, the bed he shares with his wife, etc. for someone he's only been seeing on the side for a month?! How will you know? You won't. What he does with his W, and the state of his marriage is none of your business. The sooner you understand and accept that, the easier your time as an OW will be. You have to compartmentalize just like he does. As long as you allow him to keep you as an OW, that is all you will ever be. A man can have a meal with a side dish, but take away that meal and all you have is a little side dish. Can't make a meal out of that, eh? I doubt your MM is even going to consider it, particularly since its only been a month. I guess its a good thing you are setting a deadline for yourself. Better to walk away, than to wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. Of course, you may also be one of those who makes deadline after deadline, year after year and finds herself years later with nothing to show but the same man treating her like a dirty secret, while she lives out her life wishing it could be more. Guess time will tell. Will he leave? Maybe, but I wouldn't bank on it. That would be like basing your future on winning the lottery.
PoshPrincess Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 Sugar Sweet, I feel for you that you have got yourself into an A with a MM. I hope to God that you do have the strength to end things if he doesn't leave. I tried so many times I lost count. Over now but V painful. It really isn't worth it. As for your initial question. I doubt you will ever know for sure unless he admits it (which isn't particularly likely if he wants to keep hold of you!) short of setting up CCTV in the marital bedroom To be honest, who can say one way or the other? I would imagine that most married couples have sex at least once a month even if they are unhappy and just going through the motions. Best of luck. You're gonna need it!
TogetherForever Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I have choices. Just like the one I made to be with him knowing he's M. I knew going into it that I wouldn't stay a OW for very long. He will have to make a choice soon. Whether his choice is to be with his W. I won't be 2nd best for long. ((((((((((SugarSweet))))))))))))) Please don't wait for him to make the decision. You said it YOU have a choice. YOU make the decision. TF
Motor35 Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 Honey, he is married to her. Yes, I would assume husband and wife are sleeping together. Sorry to be so blunt. Get out now before you get too deep, sweetie.
Lizzie60 Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 there is no way you can tell for sure... but trust me.. I can bet my life that this guy IS having sex with his wife... Why shouldn't he? It's his wife....no? Plus they're going on holidays... And if he says he's not... he's lying... MOST if not all MMs have sex with their wife unless the wife knows about the affair or they are just awaiting their divorce to be finished. If you can't accept that, then time to move on... and it's very unlikely that he will leave his wife... you sound very young...and as you say..very naive.
Havn_a_life Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 If they're on vacation together then yeah he's boinkin' his W. Probably like bunnies! He ain't going to leave his M for someone he's only slept with for a month. This poster's dreamin'.
Babybird Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 There is only one way to know and that is to ask. I asked my MM once. He said yes. I never asked again. I didn't want to know. It hurt too much. I didn't think that he was. Not because he said he wasn't but that he implied that since we'd been together "Why have hamburger when you can have steak"? I took that to mean that they weren't at all anymore. The same way that I couldn't figure out how he couldn't love me enough to leave her I couldn't figure how how if he loved me, really loved me, that he would or even could be intimate with her. I've never been able to figure that out in the opposite way either. If they love their wives than how could they make love/have sex with another woman? Anyway, the odds are that he is still having sex with his W. IT might not be every day or even once a week but they are sometimes and there isn't a thing you can say or do to stop it. As far as giving him the big ultimatum already, prepare for him to NOT leave his W. If you want to stick around and see if this R develops into love then good luck. He might leave, he might not. I never wanted to give an ultimatum. I wanted him to leave on his own because his marriage was over and had been for a long time. Not because of me.
Pilgrim Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 your MM and his W are having sex? I'm a new OW (been seeing MM for about a month). perfect illustration of why you should not get involved with MM. Find someone who has some integrity - then you can trust what they say rather than playing guessing games.
inarut Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 My MM/FWB told me there was no romance between him and his wife and like an idiot I believed him. Well, she's 8 months pregnant with their 4th kid!!!! What does that tell you.
Incognitox Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I have choices. Just like the one I made to be with him knowing he's M. I knew going into it that I wouldn't stay a OW for very long. He will have to make a choice soon. Whether his choice is to be with his W. I won't be 2nd best for long. :lmao: Ohh boy.... I said exactly the same thing.... Post back here in a couple of months, I wanna know if you'll still be with him.
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