FEEDTHEID Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 The ex-husband of the woman I am seeing just split with his new wife. (already hearing the theme from every soap opera ever made...) He never got over my girlfriend and recently began the "we should try it again" spiel. I go out of my way to remind myself about my views on jealousy. I feel jealousy only repels people and causes break ups. before I heard about what he had said I had no problem with the two of them going out for coffee or whatever they have remained friends since their divorce. After he told her how he felt she was uncomfortable talking to him. Point for me . But now he calls/texts a few times a day. I know she is not cheating, we are always together. But she feels obligated to talk to him and keep him from getting depressed and can tell from her side of the conversation and she tells me what is being said because she does not want to make me uncomfortable and appreciates my trust in her. But she gets very quiet and I can tell she has a lot on her mind when the conversation is over. I try to talk to her but she won't open up. I don't believe in telling the person that I am with what to do. I don't have that right any more than they do telling me. I do make my feelings somewhat known but I try to keep it light, ie a small comment here or there (I guess I might be being passive aggressive). It is starting to take a strain on our relationship. I won't give an ultimatum same view as on jealousy. I said it is creating a strain, she says she does not know what to do. They have a 10+ year friendship and kids together. ADVICE???
Steveto Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 umm.. Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer:confused: People are not always how they appear..not saying any cheating is going on, but the friendship is NOT healthy if he's gotta go to her to feel better. There might be something you aren't providing..I don't know..are you listening to him or whatever..There are a number of things...watch when they talk..see what makes him attentive and brighteyed/perky..try to do the same to remove the dependence off of her. She might also feel burdened by having to do this...that could be the reason why she is in deep thought.. Steve
jcster Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I don't think you would be exhibiting jealousy if you spoke to her about her ex's emotional attachment to her. It might help her sort it out if you could have an understanding and non-judgemental conversation with her about it. I don't think you would be out of line for saying that the amount of contact is making you uncomfortable - it's the truth and you should be able to state it. It might even give her the excuse that she's looking for to extricate herself from his needy grasp. It's true that jealousy is a real turn-off, but stifling your own feelings on this topic could cause far more problems in the future.
Author FEEDTHEID Posted June 18, 2007 Author Posted June 18, 2007 I do not have anything to do with him besides meeting him once. So there's not really anything I'm not providing. I think you are right that she feels burdened. I just do not know what to say to her. I know they have known echother A LOT longer than I have known her, I feel it is VERY VERY disrespectful that he is talking to her about them getting back together. and I also don't like the fact that she is not more blunt with him about how uncomfortable she is. and lastly that she continues to talk to him 2-3 times per day. They are friends and he does not have anybody else to talk to. She feels obligated and it's putting a strain on us.
Steveto Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 really?.. "he is talking to her about them getting back together" now this changes everything..she probably feels burdened because SHE has feelings for him, but she's not a mean personto tell him to leave you..so it is awkward to her to talk to you because she knows this.. Honestly..just leave..well, that's what i would do..I don't need more emotional stress..I had enough of that crap to last a lifetime...trust me..he's not leaving you because he is weak..sh is not telling you the full story because she is weak. go away..FAR away...yes, I have had bad experiences, so I could be extremely bias. BUT..my outlook on jealous..well..you are only jealous because you can't trust..and if you can't trust..what's the use of a relationship..
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