mikefugaz Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 The hardest thing in the world would have to be breaking it off with someone you are very close to and care a great deal for. I broke it off with my girlfriend one day ago. We had been seeing each other for many years and are very close. We could both feel it, we could both feel ourselves drifting apart for sometime before it happened. And I had felt that there was not much of a future in our relationship for sometime. And we had spoken a bit about how our relationship felt different. So I hoped it would not be too much of a shock to her. But it was. I've never seen her in such a state, a state of panic, but I couldn't turn back. The moment the initial words left my mouth, I knew I was doing it, and I knew it was right. Well its not through, not even slightly(or at least thats how it feels). She cant accept it, she is in a state of denial. She keeps asking me to rethink it all. Not to throw it all away. She says she cant do it, that she simply can't handle it. Even 24hours later, she is still in this area of denial. Is this normal? I feel really really worried about her. If she was feeling anger, or despair, I'd feel slightly better about it, but denial is difficult. It's like I have to continue breaking up with her, over and over again. I know she is strong, she's one of the strongest people I know. But she says she can't live without me. That she just can't do it. That she wants to die(I don't think she means that literally), but its an example of the sort of extreme terms she is speaking in. I can't turn around now. I know what I'm doing is right. Anyone been through this type of thing? Or got any thoughts?
nittygritty Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Is there another woman that your involved with or wanting to start seeing? The reason I ask is because I think that if there is, it would help your ex grieve and accept that the relationship is over if you would tell her that you are wanting to see another woman, if that is the case.
Author mikefugaz Posted June 18, 2007 Author Posted June 18, 2007 There honestly is no one else. I just need to not be in a relationship for a while.
lonelybuthappy Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 The hardest thing in the world would have to be breaking it off with someone you are very close to and care a great deal for. I broke it off with my girlfriend one day ago. We had been seeing each other for many years and are very close. We could both feel it, we could both feel ourselves drifting apart for sometime before it happened. And I had felt that there was not much of a future in our relationship for sometime. And we had spoken a bit about how our relationship felt different. So I hoped it would not be too much of a shock to her. But it was. I've never seen her in such a state, a state of panic, but I couldn't turn back. The moment the initial words left my mouth, I knew I was doing it, and I knew it was right. Well its not through, not even slightly(or at least thats how it feels). She cant accept it, she is in a state of denial. She keeps asking me to rethink it all. Not to throw it all away. She says she cant do it, that she simply can't handle it. Even 24hours later, she is still in this area of denial. Is this normal? I feel really really worried about her. If she was feeling anger, or despair, I'd feel slightly better about it, but denial is difficult. It's like I have to continue breaking up with her, over and over again. I know she is strong, she's one of the strongest people I know. But she says she can't live without me. That she just can't do it. That she wants to die(I don't think she means that literally), but its an example of the sort of extreme terms she is speaking in. I can't turn around now. I know what I'm doing is right. Anyone been through this type of thing? Or got any thoughts? You obviously wasn't in love. She was, so you have to let her grieve. Don't call her, don't send any mails or even worse-forwards. It is very unfair. She'll be fine.
mizzjuicy2004 Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 helloo... after reading your post and iam a lady what your gf if doing now i do it also and my ex just says no we cant be 2gether. iam goin thorugh the same state you are goin now. its just he brock up with me as you did with ur gf. what i feel we both need to do (me and you) its just give it time. relax and not think about things. tell ur ex. to just give you some space just for some time, and hwen you will be ready you will call her. but time to time at least ones a week call her let her know that u still care and love her and didnt 4get about her. the way it sounds is that you love ur gr. and still have feeling for her. did u ever think of just being seperated from her seeing other people (but not having sexual things with them) think about it. you can read my post if you want to know my situation good luck i hope everythign turns out to be good!!!!
Author mikefugaz Posted June 19, 2007 Author Posted June 19, 2007 You obviously wasn't in love. She was, so you have to let her grieve. Don't call her, don't send any mails or even worse-forwards. It is very unfair. She'll be fine. Its really tough, because I don't want her to have to go through this all on her own. And I'm really worried for her safety
Author mikefugaz Posted June 19, 2007 Author Posted June 19, 2007 Well I spoke to her again just an hour ago, and she seems a lot more calm. She knows herself that she shouldn't see me for a while, and I understand that fully. She didn't try to get me to change my mind, so I guess thats a good thing.
Author mikefugaz Posted June 19, 2007 Author Posted June 19, 2007 helloo... after reading your post and iam a lady what your gf if doing now i do it also and my ex just says no we cant be 2gether. iam goin thorugh the same state you are goin now. its just he brock up with me as you did with ur gf. what i feel we both need to do (me and you) its just give it time. relax and not think about things. tell ur ex. to just give you some space just for some time, and hwen you will be ready you will call her. but time to time at least ones a week call her let her know that u still care and love her and didnt 4get about her. the way it sounds is that you love ur gr. and still have feeling for her. did u ever think of just being seperated from her seeing other people (but not having sexual things with them) think about it. you can read my post if you want to know my situation good luck i hope everythign turns out to be good!!!! Thanks. It was really good to read your posts a hear what she may be going, or going through. I agree, I think time is the key thing. I cant see any real future for me in this relationship, so I figured it would be unfair to arrange a break period, when I already know what the conclusion would be. I hope all works out well for you also, cheers.
mizzjuicy2004 Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 thnak you so much!!! well i can tell you what iam going through now and i think she might go through it alsoo. when i wake up i feel really sad and i want to cry sometimes during the day i tear thinking about him .... i dont really eat a lot cuz iam thinking about him and iam really upset but on the other note i know he loves me and i thank got that he still talks to me and still in my life!!! just call her time to time to check on her cuz u nevber know what can happen to a girl that has her heart broken ..
tinke Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 the important thing to remember here is: you did talk this out beforehand and discuss the problem areas with her. kudos to you for not avoding it and at least surfacing your concerns so you both can attempt to work on things. did you both try after the talk? it appears you had made a solitary decision to leave, she has first begun her grieving...still in shock. i would have to say, after the initial break-up, you can talk with her again just to answer any questions, closure. however, i think it unfair to her and sends mixed messages if you check in on her weekly as suggested. once you leave, allow her, her space and ability to distance herself. you left the relationship and quite honestly, in my opinion,you no longer warrant the right to know how or what she is doing. it makes it far more difficult for her to realize you are serious about moving on if you continue to be in the picture. and further, even harder to just be friends. it was quite refreshing to hear the other side of things. usually it is the(understandable) woe from the dumpee, thank you for sharing YOUR feelings from a different perspective.
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