mrmaximum Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Guys, I have a question that may actually be rhetorical in nature but I’m compelled to ask anyway. I have a close neighbor whose marriage is deader than a doornail. Her MIL is a lying, conniving, b!tch who is jealous of her due to the fact that she’s married “My little boy”, you know what I mean, can’t cut those apron strings even though he’s in his 40’s!! (?!!!?) She has made her life hell right from the jump but she has managed to stay in the marriage for her boys until this time, trying to make a good go of it, counselling, time apart, the whole 9 yards. Guys, this wench of a MIL even told her son that he needs to have an affair (guys I’m NOT making this ***** up, utterly ridiculous!!! His brother is in the same predicament and he DID have an affair at his mother’s prodding?!?!!!) NO ONE is good enough for her boys and that stress has caused all sorts of problems in their marriage!!! That is only one part of the sitch; he on the other hand is a bit of an idiot, selfish, hiding money from her and stealing some of hers, AWESOME!! This is what I want to know; she and this guy are done, (doner then done they don’t even sleep in the same bed anymore and haven’t for quite some time!! She believes that he has another on the side but she can’t prove it, and frankly, she doesn’t care! As far as she is concerned, that means that she doesn’t have to put out anymore!) But they still live in the same house (its a rental) and no one is budging!! There is another guy that she talks to (I guess you could say that this is an emotional affair, but she only started talking to this guy AFTER they both knew that it was over, not saying that it's right) and he feels the same way about her. He too is in a dead-end relationship with a woman who treats him like crap and he too isn’t budging!!! (I guess this non-leaving disease is spreading!!) Now she and this guy won’t cross the physical line but an affair is still an affair, I’m not condoning it whatsoever, but I want her to leave her sad excuse for a marriage and finally be happy!! Hell, even her boys say “Mom, why are you still here?” Her boys are 21 and 17 so they are far from little children and even THEY know it’s over!! Because of the stress at home, the younger one is having anger management issues in school that is escalating and the older one broke up with his long term GF, but now that are together again (thank God)!! I always hear how great this guy is and how they can’t wait to be together and this and that but Mrsmax and I tell her the same thing. LEAVE….then you can be happy!! What is taking you so long??? You and your hubby know it’s over but you don’t do a thing about it!!! Here is the reason that I’m harping about it, I was told when we were mailing out invites to our wedding (T-minus two weeks and 6 days) she wanted to be broken up with her hubby by this time and it STILL hasn’t happened!! (Oh yeah, I heard over and over again that I will like this guy when I meet him at the wedding. Over and over again!!! Wow, look at that, not happening!! She's still there and hasn't kicked him out yet!! Surprise surprise!!!) Even her hubby is asking why they haven’t received an invite even though they know they were going and have been since the wife and I decided to get married. Gang, I’m just wondering what shade of green she’s waiting on!! This isn’t recent either, they have been done since a year after I moved in with Mrsmax (going on year #4 now) and she has been talking to this new guy only for the last two. As I said before, cheating is cheating and this wouldn’t have happened had she just left but she always talks about doing so and how; “Oh Mrsmax, I’M SO DONE!!” (Heard that for the last 2.5 years by way) and Mrsmax always answers the same way. “So…….when you leaving? Okay when's HE leaving? Why don't you throw him out??” EVERYONE in that house is miserable but they just accept the crap they find themselves in!! So I’m wondering out loud, why do people stay in a situation that bites the bag when happiness is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!!!! Maybe I'm being hard on her but I know that while no one is happy there, at least he's happier than her, he has his mother so he ain't hurting too bad!! That is all I'm asking you know what you want, you KNOW that it will make you happy, YOU KNOW that it will solve your problems, SO WHY DON'T YOU ACT!!!
quankanne Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 sounds like she prefers the safety of a known situation – even if it includes rife and drama – than she does the unknown, which is scary. frankly, you ought to stop encouraging her to leave her husband, and point out to her that her particular hell is of her own making; that you aren't interested in being sucked into her drama anymore because she's not interested in change, nor does it sound like she ever will be. Harsh, yes, but she's going to remain an emotional vampire in your lives unless you lay down the law ...
Author mrmaximum Posted June 18, 2007 Author Posted June 18, 2007 Actually this was a rhetorical question and looks like you gave me a viable solution, I appreciate it quankanne. I'll tell the wife right away. I don't want to say that we are fed up with her, just the situation and her boys so don't deserve this. Thanks for the reply to my rant, you never know, this might just be what she needs!!
quankanne Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 sometimes people need a reality check – hopefully, this kind of reply will help her see that she's wearing people down by doing what she's doing, instead of helping herself!
Mr. Lucky Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 My casual observation is that you (and perhaps your wife) seem way too interested and vested in this "next door" situation. If she's a friend and you two want to offer your insight or opinion on a one-time basis, that makes sense. But unless you are a trained Marriage Counselor or Therapist, it doesn't make sense to put yourself in the middle of someone else's realtionship. Stay out of it and let them work out their own problems. As always, JMHO... Mr. Lucky
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