TXButterfly Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 You all may have read my posts lately...I am still in such shock that H is telling me how unhappy he is, he's been looking at other girls, etc. We'd both been going along with blinders on for so long, now I am wide awake but having the worst nightmare of my life. I'm trying to find the right way to say this & I hope someone will have some advice for me. I am starting to realize that I think a lot of this is my fault. I got caught up in our work & forgot to be a wife. I didn't feel like I could give anything but to our business - it needed me so much...but so did he and I didn't even see it...just let him sit there and rot beside me pretty much, didn't show him affection, didn't make effort to be a 'woman' for him...just totally lost touch with what it meant to be a wife & now the thought of losing him...my best friend...we've shared the last 11 yrs together, I am just so sad and can't believe this is it - not even a chance to work on it. This is the man I married & NO he definitely isn't perfect but what about all the good times? I have done some pretty awful things myself when I think about it. I totally took him for granted. I just can't believe there isn't a way out of this for us. A way for me to make it up to him. I think I'd do almost anything, my pride is totally gone, I am bare. He says there isn't enough chemistry or he'd have been "all over me". Is there no chemistry b/c I just was a crappy wife? He says how little sex there was, and now I realize how lazy I was, how disinterested, but I was also working 60+ hours a week and burned out to the core... He will be moving out of the house soon, he says he thinks we need some time apart to think. He says he doesn't *want* to get a divorce but sincerely doubts, based on our history, that we can have a strong sexual connection, good communication, no more fights...sigh. How can I make it known that I want to work on the relationship without pushing him away/being clingy? How can I let him know that I *am* into him, even though we will be separated soon? Am I better off totally throwing myself at him so he knows? Just risking total and complete humiliation? He isn't even wearing his ring anymore & that just kills me I'm going nuts here. He says I am just too dependent on him, too much in a comfort zone & once I get out on my own & am ok there, he doesn't think I would want him anymore. He doesn't think HE is the right guy for ME. If the way I feel now is any indication, I am going to be alone for a long time...not the least bit interested in anyone else. I just wish I knew of a way to let him know I would love to work on it. But I am scared it is too late for us & I never had the chance (he never mentioned it) to do anything about it.
Gunny376 Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Its late and I just got off work, and I'm tired! But I think there's hope and a chance for you and the DH?! The more "info" you can provide ~ the better! No one knows you here ~ So? Tell it all Brother ~ Tell it all! Don't hold back!
PWSX3 Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 It sounds to me like you know one important thing in the marriage, you both need to work on it. You also admit that there are things you could have done better & believe it or not that is awesome. Why? Because the only person in your marriage that you can change or have control over is yourself. As for him moving out there isn't anything you can do about that. The more you try to keep him there the worse it will be so look at it as a possitive thing. Use the time to read some books, look around LS & educate yourself. I might be different then most people here, but my separation was the best thing for "me". I learned a lot about myself, how I should treat my spouse, what things I can do to make it better. Like they say; actions speak louder then words, don't say; I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. Just start doing them, let him see you are serious about your marriage & that you want to be the better person. The fat lady hasn't song just yet, maybe you need a break maybe the time apart will give you both time to think. Hopefully someone else can also help on this part because I'm not sure when the time would be best, but you do need to start dating again, start spending time together instead of so much time at work. Money isn't everything, you need to spend time with your friends & family, you never know what is going to happen tomorrow.
njbeachlover Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 If the door is still open a crack, set the appointment w/a therapist and plead w/him to go w/you. Don't give up w/out a fight.
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