morephine Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Hey everyone, Well if anyone remembers me, I've finally come to the point of my marriage closing. We were trying as friends even though I still wanted more than anything to hopefully work on our marriage. Things were going ok even though I'd go through my rollercoaster of emotions and it would spill over onto her. I went through a particularly bad spell this past week as it's been around a month since she and the kids moved across the state and I have no way of getting over there to see the kids or anything else. When it first started this week, I asked her if she wanted me to just keep them to myself to which she allowed me to. Forward to yesterday, I had sent her a letter telling her that I would let go of the marriage and everything to allow us to be friends but if possible, could she at least think about it when she goes to file the papers (she has told me numerous times that she haden't gotten that far and when it came time that she'd decide if she wanted to file the papers or not). Well she totally flipped out on me yesterday for something trivial along with saying some pretty cold hearted things. Today, I had asked her to play an online game with me since there was nothing I could do to see the kids and everything else. Well, that led to a fight and the truth finally coming out. Her EA from 2 years ago never actually ended. She kept it going the whole time in some form or another. So for everything I've done for nearly a year to try to do the right thing and try to save my marriage and family, nothing I could've done for the past 2 years would've saved anything ever. So needless to say, I have nothing left that I want to do with her and no reason to contact her whatsoever unless it has to do with the kids. On top of all of this, she called me weak for all of this. Yeah, I broke down before because this isn't some relationship off the street or whatever to me. A marriage is one of those things that I hold dearly and don't really think there are any problems that can't be worked out. I don't really have the money to file papers but she emailed me and told me that maybe I'll go ahead and file now. My response was that she did all of this and she wanted all of this so she can pay to file them. I'm not paying half for them I'm not doing anything to make things easier for her. If she doesn't file, then when I get the funds and feel like getting around to it I will file. Otherwise, she can go to hell for all I care.
Curmudgeon Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 If she doesn't file, then when I get the funds and feel like getting around to it I will file. Otherwise, she can go to hell for all I care. ...where anger can be your friend because it brings closure. The trick is to not let it consume you or twist you. If it makes you resolute it's done its job. Now you can be firm but fair, determined but reasonable. I'm sorry you're going through this but you will survive it and can come out stronger for it. I've been there.
Author morephine Posted June 18, 2007 Author Posted June 18, 2007 No it's not going to consume me. I've been dealing with this whole her not wanting things for the better part of a year now. Yes it initially set me on fire but now I'm fine and I'm just disgusted with her. I've made quite a few changes to be a better person for a while and have grown up quite a bit in the past few years and I'm not going to let something that I was pretty sure was going on go and ruin that. I'm just not going to make anything easier for her. I'm not going to be outright mean about things or drag them out just to do it but I'm done being nice and bending over backwards for this woman while she's planting a knife in my back lol. I know that I can and deserve better than she will ever be and that I will find someone that is so much better of a person than her in the future. For now though, I'm happy by myself and focused on school to worry about dating or anything else. I don't really get lonely a whole lot so everything is going pretty well with me. My emotions have stabled a lot in the past 2 months or so. I guess the only thing that I wonder is that we had been doing really well the past few weeks and everything else talking and not arguing or anything. All of this kind of just came out of the blue this weekend and she had to pick today to say something like that? My guess is that she was trying to make it hurt as much as possible and to make me hate her. The truth is, as much as I'd like to hate her, I can't. I'm not even really hurt by all of it. It made me mad at first but now I'm just kind of indifferent. Completely done with her and everything about her but not mad, hurt, or anything.
Curmudgeon Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 It made me mad at first but now I'm just kind of indifferent. Completely done with her and everything about her but not mad, hurt, or anything. The opposite of love isn't hate. The opposite of love is indifference. It took me about four years to achieve that state following a 25 year marriage but once I did it was and remains wonderful. The ex did everything she could to hurt me, including alienating my children, but I can't hate her. I'm simply indifferent towards her. I don't care for her but I care about her in the sense that I hope she has a reasonable life. She is, after all, the mother of my children. Other than that, she doesn't count. Now, 13 years later, I have good relationships with all my children (5) and grandchildren (7). She has a relationship with only one of each. What goes around comes around. I think they call it karma!
Author morephine Posted June 18, 2007 Author Posted June 18, 2007 Yeah, karma will eventually catch up to her. She's already done all of that by basically throwing wrenches into anything that I've tried to improve with the kids (3 are hers and 1 is ours). What really bothers me is the fact that the oldest, who just turned 13 has known about all of this the whole time. She was just wrong for doing that but I can't do or say anything to change what she has done. I'm going to still try to be the best parent I can to all of them. I've already told her that I won't make things nasty so long as she doesn't deny me my right to be a father. I also told her that if I find out that the environment is unfit, then I will go for custody and I don't care what it takes or how much in debt I go fighting her for it, she will feel how nasty things can get. Other than that, I really don't care about her. I don't wish anything bad on her but she will reap what she's been sewing.
Recommended Posts