Noki1024 Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married 6. He is the only man I've ever been with, never even went on a date with someone else. For the past year or more things have taken a turn for the worse, in my eyes only. He thinks things are just fine, I am not on the same page. I give 110% into this relationship and he gives 15% if that. I take care of the kids (2), drop them of and pick them up, cook, clean....plus my full time job and I go to school part time. I'm just drained and I'd rather be alone at this point. I've matured over the years and he's still out playing with his "toys" ie: motorcycle, snowmobile, 4 wheeler, jet ski and going to the races leaving no time for family. I would just rather be alone at this point than have to deal with this depressing situation and getting nothing out of it anymore. Any help would be great.
Melovator Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Can you get a weekend away to yourself? Somewhere quiet with nothing to do but relax and think. With all you're doing no wonder you're drained. Tell him he's got the kids for the weekend and its that or the funny farm. Then when you've relaxed and got your thoughts together tell him how you're feeling and what you need him to do so that you don't have to feel this way again. I suggest talking to him after you've been away simply because when peoplea re tired and stressed out they don't tend to express themselves well- or not as well as they'd like. This might be a bit simplistic...
Curmudgeon Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 This might be a bit simplistic... I don't think it's a matter of "can you get a weekend away" but one of taking a weekend away. All; of us, regardless of the dynamics of our relationships, need some time alone. It's a matter of pampering ourselves because we deserve it. It can be very rejuvenating and rejuvenate the relationship as well. Noki, have you tried discussing this with him or are you just suffering silently? If it's the latter, it's time to speak up. If he ignores it or you've tried in the past and have been ignored then I'd suggest insisting on some marriage counseling. If he refuses it may be time to truly rethink the marriage. Being a guy who obviously likes his guy toys he may be one you have to swat between the eyes with a 2X4 to get his attention. Telling him its changes or highway may just be enough to cause him to drag his knuckles up off the ground and stand upright (which, as you women know, is our greatest daily challenge as men).
mammax3 Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I agree. Take some time away, get some perspective on your life with him and him as your partner. He probably doesn't even realize things are this desperate for you. Men, like Curmudgeon said, need to have things plainly stated for them as well as how they can fix it. They just don't realize how you could be feeling.
sumdude Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I don't think it's a matter of "can you get a weekend away" but one of taking a weekend away. All; of us, regardless of the dynamics of our relationships, need some time alone. It's a matter of pampering ourselves because we deserve it. It can be very rejuvenating and rejuvenate the relationship as well. Noki, have you tried discussing this with him or are you just suffering silently? If it's the latter, it's time to speak up. If he ignores it or you've tried in the past and have been ignored then I'd suggest insisting on some marriage counseling. If he refuses it may be time to truly rethink the marriage. Being a guy who obviously likes his guy toys he may be one you have to swat between the eyes with a 2X4 to get his attention. Telling him its changes or highway may just be enough to cause him to drag his knuckles up off the ground and stand upright (which, as you women know, is our greatest daily challenge as men). Yeah, we sure need direct commincation. You have to be firm and direct without making it a complaint fest. Tell him exactly how you feel and why without sounding like an attack. Just tell your side of how what he does affects you.
thelittlespoon Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married 6. He is the only man I've ever been with, never even went on a date with someone else. For the past year or more things have taken a turn for the worse, in my eyes only. He thinks things are just fine, I am not on the same page. I give 110% into this relationship and he gives 15% if that. I take care of the kids (2), drop them of and pick them up, cook, clean....plus my full time job and I go to school part time. I'm just drained and I'd rather be alone at this point. I've matured over the years and he's still out playing with his "toys" ie: motorcycle, snowmobile, 4 wheeler, jet ski and going to the races leaving no time for family. I would just rather be alone at this point than have to deal with this depressing situation and getting nothing out of it anymore. Any help would be great. That sucks. First thing first - men LOVE their toys. Whether it be cars, video games, bikes, or any other random eletronic, men love their toys. That is one thing that you don't EVER try to take away from them. Since you're feeling the way that you are, I'd make an appointment at a nice spa and go away for the weekend. Don't let him know ahead of time so he plan a way of getting out of watching the kids, or preventing you from going. I would grab my duffle bag and tell him, "I'm going away for a "me" weekend. I'm exhausted, and I need it. I will be back Sunday night. Love you." and just go!
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