Noki1024 Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Well to start things off I want to tell you how I found this website. I went to ask.com and typed in "I'm not in love with my husband anymore." This was the first choice on the page that followed that search so here I am. I'll try and sum things up. My husband and I have been together since we were both 14, I'm 25 now. Of those 11 years we've been married 6. He is the only man I've ever been with, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I think the same applys for him. For the past year or better I've been looking at him differently and sometimes I cringe when I see or hear him. He's not the best husband and father by far, and I tried to use his age at first as the escape goat on that since we were young when we got married and had our first child but nothing has changed. I've matured and he hasn't. He's still very selfish and wants to play with all his "toys" such as motorcycle, snowmobile, 4wheeler and jet ski, leaving his family behind. Take today for example: Father's Day....he's out riding his motorcycle with his friends instead of being with his kids. I don't care if he does anything with me but I care when he ignores the kids. I feel like I've been putting 110% into this relationship and getting maybe a 15% out of him. I do everything, cooking, cleaning, picking kids up and dropping them off, planning the vacations (week long vacations and he only goes for 2 days), on top of working full time and going to school part time. I'm just exhausted and I don't get any help from him. I'm just at the point now were I prefer to be alone. I'm not looking for a replacement I just want to be by myself and try to find who I am again. I constantly try to please him and my kids that I lost myself along the way. I can't have a mature conversation with him about this because he will either blow up and it will turn into a screaming fest or he will shrug his shoulders and think nothing off it or blame my feelings on "PMS." I envy all the single girls that I work with and wish I was in their shoes. It's awful to say but it's how I feel. I don't regret my kids for one second I just regret who I had them with. What do you think I should do?
Tony T Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 What do you think I should do? Get a divorce. You are an excellent argument for people waiting until they get married. People change, particularly when they're young. You have both changed in some ways but it could be many years before your husband matures. My guess is that he came from a screwed up family where he got little example of family life. Any man who goes off and rides motorcycles with friends instead of being with his children on Father's Day is a royal piece of shxt in my book. You can't get away from this guy fast enough. You are also way to young to take the position that your life will be all screwed up if you leave. It'll be much worse if you don't.
peechy06 Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Well I'm not sure how helpful my advice will be...I'm only 21 and I've never been married but I can tell you what I would do in your situation. You said that you don't want to really bring any of this up to him and I understand why you feel that way. Maybe instead of bringing it up to him first, take a step back and stop putting in so much effort. Stop planning the vacations, stop cleaning up after him, focus more on you and obviously be there for your kids like you have been. Hopfully he will catch onto this and start becoming worried why you are not putting for 100% anymore. This is when you sit down with him and try to have a calm, purposful coversation with him about how you have been feeling about everything. If this doesn't work then sit down with him and tell him everything you said in you post. Maybe this is extreme, but tell him if things don't change you have no other choice but to leave. That is just what I would do in your situation...I think this may get him into gear, and if not, are you really ready to spend the rest of your life with him like this? You are young, I'm sure there are many guys out there who will act their age and put in the effort that is needed to sustain a lasting and healthy relationship. Hope this helps a little bit!
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