HeartBrokenInPL Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 On May 22nd.. my Ex contacted me online after not having internet for a couple of weeks. We kept in touch by phone during that time... as I'm currently studying 2 hours away from her. We've been together for 3 1/2 years and thought to have a loving relationship where she and I were totally in love with each other. As soon as she got her internet back and we started talking... she asked if I thought our conversations where special. I asked what do you mean? I enjoy talking with you. She then tells me she doesn't feel right and has mixed emotions. Later on she says that its over between us and I was totally devistated. We've known each other for 7 years... she was my best friend prior to us getting together, where I essentially "waited" for her when she was in other past relationships. We shared many important things in our lives... including being each other's firsts(if you know what I mean). Our relationship was all about trust... where I trusted her 10000% and she trusted me. I thought since we both trusted each other... then everything will work out. The trust was so large that we knew each others passwords, plans, etc. Nothing was hidden from the other. When she broke up with me, she said that she lost that "flame" of love she once had... and didn't feel being loved by me anymore. After we got off the phone, I started to think back what went wrong. It was true... and I could see how I was that lead to that. My school this semester was extremely tough and took many hours of my time away. Classes from 8 to 6... with little time in between. It also interfered with my schedule and I was only able to actually SEE her physically every other weekend and sometimes once a month! Its been like that since around March/April... maybe a little longer but not by much. I started talking to her about it... explaining it again to her what happened. I appologized for my behavior that I wasn't giving it my all during that busy time. I told her how much she meant to me, and how much I truely loved her.... that it was wrong of me to make her feel that way. I truely meant everything I told her. Anyways, during the time I wasn't able to see her... she sent me a text message that she's going with her friends bowling. I said, that sounds great.. have fun :-). I figured its not nice to not allow her to stay home that weekend when I'm not able to come down to see her. This was actually a week before the break up. When I learned that we're no longer together... I was totally devistated. Couldn't eat, sleep, think or do anything withouth it being the biggest worry out there. If there were an apartment on fire and I wouldn't even react to it! I called my mom, someone who I never talked to about relationships before... looking for some help/comfort. I called my ex's mom, who after all the years I've known her... was like my 2nd mom. Since my mom is back home in the States and I'm in Europe... I saw my Ex's mom as my mom in Europe. She was in disbelief... and at first thought it was just a temporary thing. She said not to worry about it... everything will be alright. A couple of weeks later, I was talking to my Ex online and she for the first time was angry at me. Never in our relationship have we ever fought.... or something occured that we didn't want to talk to each other. What happened was she was angry at me(will get to the reason why later) and angry at her mom (for being on my side throughout the relationship). Later on in the talk... I was able to make her feel better and we both appologized. Now... after we've had several talks... long detailed ones where I was able to go back in time and explain what I did wrong and had a perfectly good reason for each one(true ones... and I accepted blame for them, too). She told me she was surprised to see how much I've changed for the better AFTER the break up (its been 3 weeks). She said that she can't make herself give me that chance at the moment... but also can't say she won't ever give me that chance. She said she doesn't want to think of the future because she feels good about the present time. Now what I found ODD is that when she broke up with me.... it was extremely casual, with no emotions. Like a normal conversation. I figured we need time and we'll get it to work again... mind you, we NEVER had a serious fight or a discussion of ever breaking up before! What I find out is she's hanging out with this guy from her class and says she enjoys his company and friends. Turns out... this was the "friend" she went out to bowl a week before. I asked her, when did you stop loving me... and she said about 2 months ago she started having mixed feelings. I was surprised that we weren't able to discuss this earlier was my first thoughts. Now... when she broke up with me, she was all happy and relieved (thats what she told me). That same week, she started hanging out with this new guy a lot. She drove 50km's to see him... and then this past weekend invited him to come over to her place. She started leaving messages of "I love you, too" online directed towards this guy within that same week she broke up with me. Totally blew me out of the water as she was always a more mature girl than any other I've met. EVERYONE was saying so, too. Now this... out of no where, and I told her mom who was equally in shock but she doesn't believe in what she's saying. Being hurt by those comments, I sent her a message asking if you already love this new friend of yours. She replied saying that she may not "love" him... but feels good around him, thinks about him often, etc. I was devistated by it... and felt loss. Not only did I lose my girlfriend, I lost my love, I lost my best friend, I lost my companion... and I lost the person I trusted the most growing up. *I'm 23... she's 21, in case you were wondering about our ages. * We ended our conversations online in a good way, and then implied the NC rule after she stopped calling me like she used to. I only kept in touch with her mom in secret.... and we discuss things that don't related to my ex. My disbelief literally is... can a woman ( I don't know if I can say that, considering how immature she just became) who loved you with all her heart, stayed with you over 3 and half years, gave up her precious gift to the one she loved simply leave you like a used pair of shoes and jump board with another guy? Doing all this without shedding a tear or missing that person who at one point meant the world for her? I'm on my 3rd day of NC... its tough as we never had a NC moment before. She was in my life, during my ups and downs... and now I'm at rock bottom alone. I'll be leaving for home back to the States at the end of this month... and won't be back in Europe until September.I wonder how much things will change during that time.... will she even send me an email? Could she have moved on without any thought about me? Could the relationship she's entering/is in be a substitute for the "love" she thought she wasn't getting during the last 3-4 months? I'm just sitting here alone... missing her, feeling about the whole thing.
norajane Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Sounds like she could have been feeling a little neglected and then met this guy and he was all fresh and new and exciting, and she started having those 'mixed feelings.' Yes, after 3 years, she could have grown bored or fallen out of love. She's probably loving the attention she's getting from the new guy, so it's much, much easier for her to be away from you. She's probably not thinking about you right now. She might realize he's not all that after she dates him for a while. Or, she might be ready to move on from you regardless of whether new guy is in the picture or not. Either way, stick to no contact while she's dating new guy. You don't want her to think of you as her back-up, waiting patiently while she dates someone else like you did before. I know this hurts - it's pretty shabby of her to just end things so abruptly. But you have to think of it as OVER. You have to get on with your life and eventually be with someone who does get excited about you and who thinks YOU are special.
tinke Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 sorry..hugs! unfortunately, some people can very easily dismiss a relationship without batting an eye. some love attention. and as we all know, in the beginning, it's great! but all that glitters is not gold! your feelings are still very raw, and i am sure you feel shocked. it is perfectly ok to try to sort things out for now, try to find some sense to it all. try not to contact her, as she so readilly discarded you. if it was to be..let her come to you. in that way, you will know that if she chooses to contact you for a new beginning, you will know she will put in the effort. i do know what you are feeling....please believe, one day you WILL awaken without your gut in a knot...she will not be on your mind 24/7. hope that helps. in the beginning of mine, i never thought i would feel human again(LTR), but, i am feeling better, more rational, and able to at least balance out my feelings. no, he really wasn't as perfect as i made him out to be. at first it helped me to write down all those hurtful times and re-read them as needed.
Author HeartBrokenInPL Posted June 18, 2007 Author Posted June 18, 2007 Thank you both for your posts.... it makes me feel better that someone LISTENS to me. I had a partner/gf/friend that used to listen to me... only SHE was that person I had to talk about all sorts of things. Now I've lost that person and feel lost. I've actually realized that I've grown closer to her mom.... being more opened about my feelings for her daughter. I was not this way before. I only realized how much respect she had for me AFTER the break up believe it or not. NC is very tough... its like an addiction you're trying to break away from. Last contact I made was a text message saying "thank you for the wishes and good night" on my birthday on June 14th. She sent me a text message earlier asking if I had free time to let her know. I replied then saying I had a bad day(true) and will be busy the rest of the day. She sounded hurt that I didn't allow "2 minutes" of my time.... but said in that case, happy birthday. That was my official "last" contact with her. I hope she realizes once again how much I was for her.... and how much I truely love her. But I don't think she'll realize it until she see's that I'm not there. I didn't see how much I truely loved her and how much she meant to me the last few months either until I realized she's not with me anymore. Big mistake on my part.. which I regretted deeply and appologized numerous times to her after the break up. There's not much more that I can do. She's having her fun.... she's enjoying every minute of it..... but in the same time, the person who truely loves her is going through one of the hardest emotional moments of his life. Maybe she'll open her eyes up like I did... and she'll feel what I did. However, after all this... I will find it hard to ever trust someone 100% like that again. Your best-friend turned girlfriend who would abandon you so easily is something that is very hard for me to understand.... and probably something that I won't ever understand:confused:
Steveto Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I feel for you..you guys are young, she and you haven't experienced everything. Just be glad you actually have closure..she gave you an answer..some of us don't have that luxury...I, myself and stuck guessing..no contact, nothing. It sucks, yeah, but even though I'm not a beleiver in god, I do have a strong sense of fate..things happen for a reason.
Author HeartBrokenInPL Posted June 19, 2007 Author Posted June 19, 2007 Steveto... I agree, we're both young (23/21) and inexperienced. She's had 2 boyfriends before me (however, she was literally a kid then). When we got together... we became more mature (as it comes with age). I always compared her take to other girls.... and she seemed more mature/understanding and closer to my thoughts than anyone else. Maybe thats why we got along so well. I was with her during the time when she went to high school and up to recently finishing up her studies dealing with massage/physiotherapy. A week before she's set to finish.. she dumps me. The strange thing is... at the same time, she's dropped total contact with her male friend who at the begining I respected for being there as a friend when I wasn't around. Turns out that recently his feelings were getting a bit too much and that she broke off total contact with him. I find out from my ex that he was telling her things like she deserves better, etc... during the last couple of months where I was not as "active" in terms of being there with her or keeping in touch due to long hours at school/tests. However, she kept in touch with me. 2 weeks into the break up, I was still trying to convince her... we has discussions over ice cream, went on several walks... all along showing my good REAL side. She even enjoyed the walk... but as mentioned in my previous threads whe was text messaging/leaving phone signals to her "friend" towards the end of the walk. Since my birthday message from her 5 days ago... its been no contact at all. Absolutely none... and I feel sick, but hoping to get better. Timing couldn't be worse.... but when is it really a good time. I have exams and I've done poorly on some already because of this whole thing. Till this day, she's happy with the new "friend" which I still can't say for sure is a boyfriend.. but can say it seems like it each day I think about it. She's young, but she's also older... just sickens me that someone can simply "let you go" so easily and not think twice.
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