mixed up Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 i've been with my boyfriend for 6years (he is my first bf). recently for no real reason i've started feeling distant from him. we still get on well together,but i feel almost uncomfortable around him and small things have started making me snap at him and irritate me and i know this is only going to get worse. (we never fight). the worst thing is i know he doesn't feel it and every time he says i love you i feel guilty. i still love him - i always will. we've been together since i was 18, but i think i've fallen out of love with him. it scares me alot because i honestly thought this was the guy i was gona spend my life with and i dont know how this could have happened. he's such a huge part of my life, i dont know what to do to make things better. dunno if that all made sense,ive just poured out whats in my head...but i'd really be grateful for any advice.
Outofluck Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 I have two different thoughts on your situation. First, you said that this was your first b/f and you have been together for six years. Often, people think that once the initial bliss of falling in love is gone, that they have fallen out of love. This is usually not the case, in your situation, you may just be asking yourself what else is out there and subconciously directing that feeling towards him. My second thought is that you are very lucky to have found someone whom you care so much for and has been such a big part of your life during one of the most important part of anyone's life, young adulthood. During this period, many of us shape the direction that the entire rest of our life will go. The fact that you have had someone share that time with you is something that you will be eternally thankful for. I would suggest stepping back from the situation and maybe taking a break from him (don't know if you live together or not.) Often, this will help us realize what we have and how our lives would be without it. You may find that you really don't have those feelings any longer but you also may find that you TRUELY don't want to be without him. Good luck.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Stand back and really concentrate on what irritates you about him. Be 100% honest with yourself and don't stop at the obvious superficial things like, he sleeps with his baseball cap on. Once you can isolate what your issues are with him, perhaps the two of you can discuss them and somehow find either a happy medium or realize that it's time to move on. Please remember there's a major difference between core value differences and toothpaste cap differences.
socialight Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 >>i still love him - i always will. we've been together since i was 18, but i think i've fallen out of love with him Well, which one is it? Can't stand this nonsensical wishy washiness. What specifically has he done, or not done, to make you stop caring? What specifically do you think you are going to do, or experience, without him that you can't do or experience with him? have you fully considered the tradeoffs of being without this person versus being with him? Ot do you still have the childish fairytale dream of meeting the perfect guy where you will have butterflies every day and everything will be perfect? I advise you to be very, very careful about what you wish for here -- you just might get it.
Author mixed up Posted June 19, 2007 Author Posted June 19, 2007 well that's why i posted here coz i really have no1 else i can talk to about any of this... soicalight - there's nothing he has/hasnt done that's why this is causing me so much confusion. but i assure you i'm childish enough to be expecting butterflies everyday!! i have thought about the tradeoffs thing but is it really fair to be with some1 when you're constantly questioning whether you want to be with them?? outofluck - i think that's the answer i really wanted to hear...i've grown up with this guy and am so happy to have shared so much with him but part of me is curious about what i'd be like without him - but i feel guilty for even wondering that! and don't know how i'd ever explain it to him.
jusified Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 Hi, Mixed. My ex girlfriend felt same as you. Oddly enough I understanding how you are feeling. Alot of people go through and feel the way you do. Sometimes you need to just decide, if the person is right for me, treat me right and loves/cares for me. Guess the problem comes in if you do the same to them. Sometimes if you stay in a relationship half hearted you don't appreciate the person, hurt them and try to drive them away. Combined this with the constant self assurance of "I'm not in love with him anymore, what else is out there" you forget to actually work on your relationship. My advise to you is that you need to decide what you want in your life. I mean think about what you want now, as well as what you want in your future. If you really want to be with this guy then be there for him and stop doubting, relationships always have ups and downs, times of lack of passion. You don't need to go try the bad apples to know what a good one is. The fact is new relationships will be exciting but it will not always be that way. Then again, if you really feel the relationship needs to end then it is for the best. There will always be many many guys, trust me, but there are few good ones. You say you will always love your boyfriend. Well I know that could be true and might be the case for alot of people but think about it, if you do break up with him and feel this way and eventually ending up with someone else, its not fair on the new person to not have your 100% committment or full heart. Why break up with someone you love and is good to you? If you feel that he is not good for you, the relationship is not making your life better and life without him will be better then you really should break up with him. It's hard I know, do what you feel is right. If the guy is really good to you and love you. You will hurt him and break his heart, but it will probably be for the good in the long term. But remember, if you really love the person and want to be with them you will not stop to say sorry and make up for your mistake.
Topper Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 It isn't unsual to in a long term relationship to enter into a period of cooling off. It is just not humanly possible to remain in that sate of bliss for the rest of your life. There will be low points and yes you can once again have that bliss if you want to have it. othere s have given some good advice here.
mikefugaz Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I think that sometimes two people can really care for each other, but in the end, their personality's drive each other crazy and they just don't get along so well. One shouldn't feel guilty for falling out of love. Over a period of 6 years, you can see how one could evolve and grow apart. Ask yourself one simple question that I asked myself recently... Imagine a dice. If it lands on a odd number, you stay together. If it lands on an even number, the relationship ends. Which would you prefer the dice to land on, odd or even?
mydadischeatingonmom Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 you know what? you need a break believe me ! trust me ! my bf. who is also my first love moved in with me , i been dating him for 2 years and we fight like everyday so i told him i need a break and he lives with his mom now . But the lil things will get me mad that others might think its ridiculous but thats the way love goes! So take break for at least a week or 2 you will miss him ! trust me !
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