soulseeker Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 When you begin dating someone, what are your rules of disclosure? Let's say you're two months into the relationship. My last relationship was a doozy. He was highly critical. So in my current relationship I've done a good job of keeping my ghost knee-jerk responses in check, but I had a minor reaction the other night that I know was a result of my history. When I say minor, I mean minor, but I want to clear the air with this new guy. Would it be harmful to say "I was hurt in my last relationship and I guess I'm not completely over the pain, hence the knee-jerk reaction" I mean, we all have residue, isnt it ok just to get it out there?
Tony T Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Well, honestly, people don't like to hear about previous relationships and they REALLY don't want to hear that you're still carrying crap from a previous relationship. I would just be open minded and very careful not to respond in knee jerk ways. The new person you're dating is a NEW person, with a unique personality, unique feelings, etc. and IS NOT the person you dated before. Give him the courtesy of a fresh start with you minus you baggage. Haven't you ever read the personal ads. A good percentage of them state they are looking for somebody who's not carrying baggage from a previous relationship. Now, if you just feel like you have to tell this guy about your ex, go right ahead...but don't think it's going to warm up the room with fuzzies. I hope this helps.
Ariadne Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Hi, "I was hurt in my last relationship and I guess I'm not completely over the pain, hence the knee-jerk reaction" In that case you'd be explaining yourself and telling things that you were not asked. Everything at its own time. Ariadne
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 I'm as usual, of a different bent. I want to know about sensitive issues so if a person suddenly freaks out on me over something I consider a non-issue, at least I'll know what it's all about. Overall, there isn't a person on this green earth over the age of 25 who doesn't have some sort of baggage. If someone claims they don't I will dub them "boy in a bubble who must have been home educated"...
Author soulseeker Posted June 17, 2007 Author Posted June 17, 2007 Thanks for the advice all. It's a tough one for me because I agree with both sides. But it's a moot point - I went ahead and cleared the air. His response was really positive, so I guess I'll see what happens.
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