Ladyjane14 Posted July 3, 2007 Posted July 3, 2007 There is so much I've seen post-R, that I wish I'd known. But I wonder if it'd be different. I have to say, him leaving was the best thing that happened to me as a mother. I'm so much more patient and giving to the kids. And I don't get as frustrated with them. I feel I'm a calmer person - but maybe it's the hormones! You know, it may sound like small comfort right now, but the things you've learned about marriage, commitment, love... these are things you'll take into each and every relationship. Just like the changes you've noticed in your parenting technique, all this new knowledge will someday result in a better romantic relationship. And not even just in making it work... but from the very beginning when you first choose a prospective mate. You've got smarts. You've got charm. You've got class. Some guy is gonna come along someday and thank the Lord in Heaven that your STBXH is such an ass.
Author mammax3 Posted July 8, 2007 Author Posted July 8, 2007 It took a long time to get in contact with X. By the time he visits later this month, it will have been over 6 weeks since he saw the kids. Wow. I just don't understand. He'll be taking his stuff and putting it somewhere (I doubt he'll cart it back to his new 'home' city) and we'll be talking logistics of separation. We're going to try mediation and writing our own separation agreement first (and then getting the lawyer to look it over). He's said some pretty generous things about how he wants nothing from the house, he wants us and the kids to have it, he won't fight me for anything... etc. I'm really struggling still to come to grips with my situation. I realize that this isn't the man I'd like to spend my life with and I can't change him, I know this sounds obvious, but it's a pretty big concept for me to grasp. I also really think that the man he was when we were unencumbered was a terrific fit for me as I was... And then we grew apart - I grew up and embraced the adult role and I guess he didn't. And we've been apart for so long now that there's no SHOCK of his sudden absence. When we spoke, I had to actively remind myself that I'm not responisible for his emotional state and he's not for mine. I didn't ask how he's doing, or how can he go for so long without seeing the kids?? I didn't tell him any of my current emotional states or tell him how I'm doing/feeling now. It was very very strange not to engage him that way. It will be a long while until I can get to the point of having a genuine friendly conversation with him. When I don't feel I need to guard my emotional self or protect me from him. It really is weird not to be so unguarded and open with him. So that's the current update. Thanks.
Melovator Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 I'm really struggling still to come to grips with my situation. I realize that this isn't the man I'd like to spend my life with and I can't change him, I know this sounds obvious, but it's a pretty big concept for me to grasp. I also really think that the man he was when we were unencumbered was a terrific fit for me as I was... And then we grew apart - I grew up and embraced the adult role and I guess he didn't. And we've been apart for so long now that there's no SHOCK of his sudden absence. Oh Mammax know exactly how that feels... Then you start to get excited about what you can do when you're adult! (And I don't just mean porn...) Because adults are the people in charge! It's good to be in charge! When we spoke, I had to actively remind myself that I'm not responisible for his emotional state and he's not for mine. I didn't ask how he's doing, or how can he go for so long without seeing the kids?? I didn't tell him any of my current emotional states or tell him how I'm doing/feeling now. It was very very strange not to engage him that way. It will be a long while until I can get to the point of having a genuine friendly conversation with him. When I don't feel I need to guard my emotional self or protect me from him. It really is weird not to be so unguarded and open with him. So that's the current update. Thanks. Again, know what you're saying and I'm finding the longer I do it, the easier it gets. But its none of his business how you are. And you don't need to have a 'genuine' friendly conversation, just a business friendly conversation, whatever that business is, kids, house etc. Of course its weird and seemingly so unnatural as to be against all laws of God and Man and Woman but you do need to protect yourself, take care of yourself. Its about you and how you feel, and what you have to do to get through in the best way you can. You are amazing and strong like an Amazon- think Wonder Woman! She's so cool.
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