AriaIncognito Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 So, my ex has been away since 6/3. He's been on the opposite end of the country. Three days before he left, he and I saw eachother (he came to my house for dinner) and well, during that night I got really upset at him for not sparing my feelings when telling me he had a good first date with someone and that he planned to see her again. From that point of the night (about 15 minutes after he got there) until he left (about 5 hours later ugh) I just felt really uneasy and uncomfortable and angry inside at him because he knew how I felt for him, and just stood there and crushed my heart. So anyway, after he left that night I figured I'd not hear from him again, because he said "have a good couple of weeks" and I was just like ok bye. I heard from him via email the day before he left and I think I replied to one mail but then when he sent another I didn't bother. The next day he left, and I didn't hear from him since. Now while he has been gone, I learned that he had visited some "massage parlors" for "happy endings" back a few years ago when he moved out here with his then girlfriend. This really disgusted me because well, he was with someone and yet he was fine with going out and having some stranger tend to his "needs". So, between the stuff before his leaving, and this information, i've been feeling really good about being broken up. I've not been thinking about him first thing waking up, not thinking of him all day, not looking for him online, not looking for emails from him or any contact whatsoever. And to be honest, I've been generally happy. A lot happier than I've been in the past year in dealing with him and getting over him then getting back, etc. So, today, he returns from his trip, and while I'm pretty positive he won't contact me right away, I'm pretty sure he'll make some sort of contact in the near future, and I'm really afraid of just going back to the "old me" that is hung up on the idea of being with him. Who knows, maybe that info was what I needed and I'll never be able to look/think of him the same way again. I guess I'll see once the situation presents itself. But I'd be lying if i said I wasn't scared that this "OK" feeling will go away. I've even found myself not picturing my future with him in it, and have been wondering about who i'd date next, where we'll meet, how he'll be, etc. I've been logging into my account on dating sites and actually feeling like I could see someone else without thinking "but what if he comes back" which is a HUGE thing for me because for the past year that is all I've had in my mind. Anyway, I just wanted to vent my fears or whatever...I hope I make it out of this....
alphamale Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 no matter who ended the relationship its always a very bad idea to stay in contact with an ex-lover. once its over, its over.
Teacher's Pet Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 After my relationship with B ended, I found that the best way to stay strong regarding my feelings over her was to focus on the NEGATIVE things. Sure, neither of us really wanted out of our relationships, but heck, we know things about our ex's that are major turn-offs now, so you (and I) should be glad we're out of that situation! Besides, we never would have met if we didn't have such crappy ex's, so, I rejoice. And you should, too, because you should move forward with a clear head and an open heart to the next romantic possibility that comes your way. You know I love ya, and I always got your back. -tp such a cutie
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 I know it's wrong to stay in touch, alpha, which is why I more than likely need to put him back on NC. He broke it back in May when he appeared somewhere he knew I'd be, and then we talked and within a week or two we managed to cross boundaries that while I don't regret it, we definitely shouldn't have, at least I shouldn't have for my own sake because I knew that for him it wasn't out of the right feelings but for me it was. So anyway, I don't know I guess I'm just afraid that if i go back to NC i'll also go back to doing what I once did, which was always wonder. When we are not NC the door is open but if contact doesn't occur, it's not bothering me. My brain is odd that way. For the most part, I hope he returns and just doesn't contact me. I'll continue as I am, and I'll not have to worry about dealing with him or my potential regurgitation of feelings. I have 0 plans of making any contact because well, he's proven to me that he wants someone who isn't me. That's reason enough to move on. I should be all he wants, and since I'm not, well good luck to him. Anyway, I'm just spewing stuff. I still feel OK today, but am pensive of course. Hopefully, my fears will be quelled and I will remain happy. I've been feeling very grateful for my friends and my life in general lately, and I don't want to lose sight of that, no matter what.
Teacher's Pet Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 I should be all he wants, and since I'm not, well good luck to him. You should be all ANYONE should want. -tp you go, girl!
madgun68 Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 So anyway, I don't know I guess I'm just afraid that if i go back to NC i'll also go back to doing what I once did, which was always wonder. When we are not NC the door is open but if contact doesn't occur, it's not bothering me. My brain is odd that way. For the most part, I hope he returns and just doesn't contact me. I'll continue as I am, and I'll not have to worry about dealing with him or my potential regurgitation of feelings. I have 0 plans of making any contact because well, he's proven to me that he wants someone who isn't me. That's reason enough to move on. I should be all he wants, and since I'm not, well good luck to him.If he attempts contact again, just lay down the law. Let him know that contact between the two of you is conditional.. That unless he has thoughts about the two of you getting back together, that contact is not allowed. This way, at least it might ease up on that feeling of completely closing the door. I can relate to those feelings of always wondering.. Really allows the mind to mess with your emotions.
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 17, 2007 Author Posted June 17, 2007 Madgun, you're right and I've known this all along. There's no point to contact if he's not willing to be an equal in the relationship or doesn't want what I want. I've known this for a while but my heart always seems to think that he'll catch up. Why I'd want him to catch up, is beyond me. I want someone who is already there with me, not needing to figure out what it is I already know. So yeah I suppose I'm just delaying the inevitable by not making the official NC decree. Not that i think he'd care that much if I did do it, since he's happy dating around. I have to admit, I have been looking online more for him that I have in the past two weeks, and that pisses me off. I used to have my router blocking me from certain sites but due to my Vista crap (read my thread in rants) my router isn't working now. Hopefully, I'll get closure to this soon, somehow. Thanks for the support all. Keep it comin.
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