Butterflying Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I was having a serious conversation with a dear friend about relationships. I told her the type of man I'm looking for: attractive, smart, financially secure, honest, hard working, strong family values, good morals, humorous, ambitious, creative, outspoken, loving, kind, independent, and healthy. All of these things are MANDATORY qualities for the man of my dreams. I can honestly say that I, myself, am all of these things. That is mainly the reason that I want someone who is at least the same, perhaps more. I was speechless when my friend laughed and asked me, "What do you have to offer that type of man?" I wasn't offended. But I stopped to think for a moment about the question. Before now, I've always thought that my qualities were enough. I don't think I'm asking for too much. But since several years have gone by and I still haven't met the right guy, I wonder if I need something more. Since I've never met a guy like the one I want, I can't ask him what he wants. So I really don't know. And I'm asking my friends on Love Shack. What does the type of man I want, look for in a woman?
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 You forgot a few things. Honour, integrity and honesty.
Author Butterflying Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 You forgot a few things. Honour, integrity and honesty. No I didn't! I actually mentioned honesty, good morals, and strong family values. That takes care of honour, and integrity.
luvstarved Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Well I don't want to just be a naysayer...but why do you think your friend laughed and asked what you would have to offer such a man? My guess would be that they do not perceive you as having as large a dose of these qualities as you do. If I were you, I would go back to that friend and ask, "What do you mean, what do I have to offer? EXACTLY those things! Do you feel I lack any of those qualities...and if so, which?"
pricillia Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Well I don't want to just be a naysayer...but why do you think your friend laughed and asked what you would have to offer such a man? My guess would be that they do not perceive you as having as large a dose of these qualities as you do. If I were you, I would go back to that friend and ask, "What do you mean, what do I have to offer? EXACTLY those things! Do you feel I lack any of those qualities...and if so, which?" maybe she has those qualities and maybe she doesn't... It is great to know what you want in a man and not to settle. I just think that the friend was taking some of the wind out of her sails so to speak. I am sure that Butterflying has great qualities. I seems as if she may be expecting the perfect man and he just does not exist. I think that she should accept herself for who she is, try to improve what she can improve, and also know that everyone evolves even herself. Not saying that she is picky at all just try not to fantisize too much about that perfect man. 1. attractive 2. smart 3. financially secure 4. honest 5. hard working 6. strong family values 7. good morals 8. humorous 9. ambitious 10. creative 11. outspoken 12. loving 13. kind 14. independent 15. and healthy. Ok this is your top 15... what are must haves and what are good to have's I think that you need to narrow down your list.
luvstarved Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 I did not mean to suggest that she should settle...but we can "honestly" view ourselves as having great qualities all day long, but what matters more is how we are perceived by others. It just sounded to me that this "dear friend" could be a good source of information, if the OP is interested in that perspective.
pricillia Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 I did not mean to suggest that she should settle...but we can "honestly" view ourselves as having great qualities all day long, but what matters more is how we are perceived by others. It just sounded to me that this "dear friend" could be a good source of information, if the OP is interested in that perspective. I agree..... I was not implying that your were suggesting that she settle, nor her friend. I think that OP needs to re-evaluate what she wants in a man... although all 15 qualities are great to find in someone I think that is a tall order. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. One can not "order" the perfect man or woman...
Lizzie60 Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 I was having a serious conversation with a dear friend about relationships. I told her the type of man I'm looking for: attractive, smart, financially secure, honest, hard working, strong family values, good morals, humorous, ambitious, creative, outspoken, loving, kind, independent, and healthy. All of these things are MANDATORY qualities for the man of my dreams. I can honestly say that I, myself, am all of these things. That is mainly the reason that I want someone who is at least the same, perhaps more. I was speechless when my friend laughed and asked me, "What do you have to offer that type of man?" I wasn't offended. But I stopped to think for a moment about the question. Before now, I've always thought that my qualities were enough. I don't think I'm asking for too much. But since several years have gone by and I still haven't met the right guy, I wonder if I need something more. Since I've never met a guy like the one I want, I can't ask him what he wants. So I really don't know. And I'm asking my friends on Love Shack. What does the type of man I want, look for in a woman? WOW your list is impressive... No wonder you're still single... you're looking for the perfect man...and I'm sorry to disappoint you but this type of guy doesn't exist... Maybe you should go back to your list and modify it... or maybe just (like me) accept being single for the rest of your life. But to answer your question: I think the man of your dream is looking for: a gorgeous, smart, financially secure, honest, hard working, strong family values, good morals, humorous, ambitious, creative, outspoken, loving, kind, independent, healthy, sexually amazing woman, and that too, is rare.
InsanityImpaired Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 I told her the type of man I'm looking for: attractive, smart, financially secure, honest, hard working, strong family values, good morals, humorous, ambitious, creative, outspoken, loving, kind, independent, and healthy. A few remarks: 1. Noone is going to say of themselves, or even believe that they are stupid. So you can skip smart. Probably better to replace it with "positive outlook on life." Much more valuable in a partner, especially as he has to be financially secure, unless you were to marry a heir to some fortune. As you need independence anyway, smart is a moot requirement. 2. Honest can be, and needs to be at times, economical with truth. Also, you don't want to hear that your butt looks big. Where is the tact? 3. Noone is going to say of themselves that they have bad morals. Perhaps with the exception of those who suffer tremendously in a psychological sense, but then again, you would not be looking for such a person. 4. Even a bore will consider himself humorous. Some of these attributes are positively related to each other (in a corelational sense), whilst others are negatively related to each other. The population that qualifies includes married men, and men in committed relationships. As they are "perfect" , chances of these people being single is quite small (after all if they are smart, loving, kind etc., what are the chances they end up in a thoroughly dysfunctional relationship?). It seems like you are looking for the proverbial needle in the hay stack. What does the type of man I want, look for in a woman? Probably the same. But perceiving yourself to be #1 to #15 does not actually mean you are. Let alone that others perceive you as such. Everybody has his / her failings. I think you would think he has an unrealistic expectation if he expected you to be horny 24/7, no matter what, where and when. Still that could be an attribute for his dream woman. Don't hold it against a guy if he is not perfect in every way.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Sometimes it's worthwhile to create a list because putting something in writing, helps to get your feelings out. More often than not, lists are meaningless when you connect with someone. Don't throw out the baby with the bath water.
2sunny Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 i know i have a lot to offer a man - and that is why i will never settle for my priorities in a man. i did create a list of those priorities quite some time ago. this helps me to figure out if someone is worth spending time with.
IpAncA Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 What does the type of man I want, look for in a woman? To be yourself. Don't try to create yourself into what you think others want. You'll be unhappy. I mean I don't have a list of things I hope my H wants. I am what I am. What you see is what you get. If that doesn't match then his loss not mine.
Curmudgeon Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I was having a serious conversation with a dear friend about relationships. I told her the type of man I'm looking for: attractive, smart, financially secure, honest, hard working, strong family values, good morals, humorous, ambitious, creative, outspoken, loving, kind, independent, and healthy. What does the type of man I want, look for in a woman? I don't know that I was everything you are now looking for in a man when I married my wife but I dare say I was close. I doubt very much you wanted someone who was 50 but since she was 48, she didn't mind a bit. After the failure of a 25 year marriage some years before, I had some definite ideas and ideals I wanted in a woman if I was ever again to enter into another committed relationship. I wanted someone who was my intellectual, educational, professional and spiritual equal -- someone who was long-term employed with her own independent retirement account/funds. Due to my age I also wanted someone who had no children at home and who was post-menopausal but had I been considerably younger, those two wouldn't have mattered. What attracted me to my wife in the first place, five years before I ever asked her out, was what I always referrred to as her delightful independence. I don't know if this helps since I'm an old fart but what you're seeking is, in my estimation, prudent, realistic and achievable. Don't settle for less than you deserve!
Lady Aurora Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 What does the type of man I want, look for in a woman? How about someone that just accepts him for who he is rather than how well he matches up to another person's ideal?
Shan2k Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 attractive, smart, financially secure, honest, hard working, strong family values, good morals, humorous, ambitious, creative, outspoken, loving, kind, independent, and healthy. With all of those qualities, he doesn't need a women! J/K Some of those qualities develop as the relationship progresses and some are nonspecific. For example "good morals". Everyone one has different morals to what they consider are good morals. They are all good and essential qualities though.
2sunny Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 C=Lion I highly doubt anyone here would refer to you as "an old fart" they do and i'll kick there hiney! honey!
VIP Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I wanted someone who was my intellectual, educational, professional and spiritual equal -- someone who was long-term employed with her own independent retirement account/funds. I always wondered how women can find it appealing to become a man's equal. If I am equal to him, then he is not a man enough for me. I like someone to look up to. So I think often a man is not looking for his equal. Two strong independent characters might have a hard time to compromise. What attracted me to my wife in the first place, five years before I ever asked her out, was what I always referrred to as her delightful independence. That's another thing that always makes me wonder. If the woman is so independent, what does she need a man for? I mean, he must be good for something.
katiebour Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I think my b/f is everything on your list (with perhaps an exception to "financially well-off.") So I asked him what ideal qualities he wanted in a partner- here's what he said: -Rich (tongue-in-cheek) -Someone he can hold a conversation with (never mind the slightly arrogant "I don't like idiots" comment ) -Someone who isn't prone to drama -Someone who will hold their ground in a disagreement but be open to compromise -Someone who's physically healthy (neither a toothpick nor morbidly obese) -No drug addictions (discounting tobacco or caffeine) (Now he's just being a goof...Purple eyes?) He says "I dunno." But his reaction to your post was that it sounded like you were inflexible- that you couldn't meet someone halfway. That it sounded like you were more trying to measure someone up to your list then looking at them for simply who they are. He also said that a lack of ability to compromise indicates a big problem in resolving future disagreements in a relationship. My own personal response is to ask- how do you measure these abstract qualities? When you say that you want a "smart" person, does that mean they've acquired a college degree? That they speak 3 languages? That they read a lot? Or that they are computer geeks? I would say put in more definite terms what being "smart" means to you. I once put it out that I wanted a man who either went to college or was going to college- I wanted someone to respect my intelligence and achievement, and to value education in the same way that I did. I also wanted someone who could handle the intellectual demands that acquiring a college degree places on someone. As far as "values" go, what kind of values are you looking for? My ex-b/f was quasi-religious... some would consider that a "value-" I considered it a liability. My current b/f believes that lying, cheating, and breaking the law are pretty much inexcusable- in such he is much the same as I am. Again, what does "having good values" mean to you? What does that mean he will/will not do or believe/not believe in? And finally, you can't measure someone up to your invisible list when you just meet them- they're a person, more than a collection of desirable quantities. If there are a few things that absolutely MUST be, then ascertain whether that person contains those qualities in the first date. Finding out whether they have the rest is something that will take place during the next few dates. Don't write someone off on the first date because they're not "outspoken-" they might just be shy when getting to know you. Finally, perceiving yourself to be all of your own desirable quantities may cause you to seem arrogant or conceited. Check with your friends to see what kind of vibe you give off- or better yet, ask a person at the end of a date what they honestly think about you. If you're giving off an "I am such a more awesome person than you" vibe, then you may be turning off perfectly wonderful guys. Just a thought.
cutegirl Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I'm not picky, all I want in a man is - Doesn't cheat - Doesn't beat me or abuse me or spit at me What I have to offer : I'm pretty good looking and make six figures a year. It's hard to find a man who doesn't cheat though. Look at Halle Berry, she's hot and makes millions yet her husband was a sex addict who cheated on her. Finding a faithful guy is extremely hard. I don't want a man who is attractive or successful. I like to be the dominant one... I think attractive and successful men are more likely to cheat.
cutegirl Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I always wondered how women can find it appealing to become a man's equal. If I am equal to him, then he is not a man enough for me. I like someone to look up to. So I think often a man is not looking for his equal. Two strong independent characters might have a hard time to compromise. That's another thing that always makes me wonder. If the woman is so independent, what does she need a man for? I mean, he must be good for something. I just need a guy for companionship and just someone to spend time with. I definitely do not want a man to look up to. I like to be the breadwinner... I am very independent, I do not need a man to take care of me or to provide for me. I am successful enough in order to provide for myself AND the guy if I have to. I just like companionship and someone to do things with.. watch tv with... eat out with... etc
bish Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 maybe she has those qualities and maybe she doesn't... It is great to know what you want in a man and not to settle. I just think that the friend was taking some of the wind out of her sails so to speak. Nah, it was a fair question. I have a friend who says his wife will look like a model. I looked at his double chin and receding hairline and the first thing that came to mind was when Jerry Seinfeld looked at George and said to him, "thick lustrous hair is important to you??".
bish Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 WOW your list is impressive... No wonder you're still single... you're looking for the perfect man...and I'm sorry to disappoint you but this type of guy doesn't exist... Bingo!! And that, I believe, was the point of her friend asking her what she had to offer a man like that. Because the perfect woman doesn't exist either.
Shan2k Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I just need a guy for companionship and just someone to spend time with. I definitely do not want a man to look up to. I like to be the breadwinner... I am very independent, I do not need a man to take care of me or to provide for me. I am successful enough in order to provide for myself AND the guy if I have to. I just like companionship and someone to do things with.. watch tv with... eat out with... etc So you just want a man for convenience. I call that "convenient worth". A real man wants to be needed in a relationship in all aspect. It's hard to find that man you're looking for unless he's lazy and you're willing to be a "sugar-momma". Extremely Independent women don't make good wives. You'll just make a good sex and business partner not wife.
Curmudgeon Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 Extremely Independent women don't make good wives. You'll just make a good sex and business partner not wife. My wife is extremely independent and makes an exceptionally good wife. We enhance but don't overpower one another. It works!
Curmudgeon Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I always wondered how women can find it appealing to become a man's equal. If I am equal to him, then he is not a man enough for me. I like someone to look up to. So I think often a man is not looking for his equal. Two strong independent characters might have a hard time to compromise. That's another thing that always makes me wonder. If the woman is so independent, what does she need a man for? I mean, he must be good for something. What works is that we don't need one another. We choose to be with one another. It's enhancement, not dependence. We admire and respect one another and did so professionally for five years before we ever went out for the first time. I look up to her for her attributes and she looks up to me for mine. It's perfect.
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