Onelife Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Hi everyone, It's been the longest NC ever - 9 days for me. I've been through the UPs and DOWNs. Feeling better day by day and happy with the decision. Just some unwise and weak moments during the day, I think about calling him. Not that I actually contemplate doing it but have to admit I have thought about it and kill it later. Any thought of a good sentence to tell yourself (myself) to shut down that thought? For now I use: "Soul destroying + dead end relationship + my dignity & self respect back = NO GOING BACK!"
Ripples Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Well, what works for me whenever I give up something that's bad for me - smoking is a good example - was to tell myself, "ok, no cigarettes today, then you can smoke a whole pack tomorrow". It's weird, but once you've told yourself you CAN do something, just not yet, it's so much easier to not do it at all. Oh, and well done on the 9 days! You rock!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Mine goes something like this, though I have a few for different situations. "I cannot fix this. I will not waste one moment of my life crying over something that I cannot change. I have 24 hours today to be as happy or as miserable as I choose. So what's it gonna be IWWH? Today is my day and no one can take that away!" (wthout my permission) My cell phone boots up and displays the last line of that! Basically I think the serenity prayer nails it.
GregsBad Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I memorized dozens of quotes which all failed, by themsleves. This may sounds strange coming from a man, but here goes. The biggest help I received was from watching a film, dozens of times, until I got it. It's "What the Bleep Do We Know". It's about emotional addictions, seeing all the possibilities that you can't see yet. It's about Quantum Physics, but don't let that theme turn you off. The film is really all about what you need. Watch it, many times, until it sinks in. You're seeking to build courage to break free. It's very hard to do but it can be done.
Author Onelife Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 Well, what works for me whenever I give up something that's bad for me - smoking is a good example - was to tell myself, "ok, no cigarettes today, then you can smoke a whole pack tomorrow". It's weird, but once you've told yourself you CAN do something, just not yet, it's so much easier to not do it at all. Oh, and well done on the 9 days! You rock! Thank you Ripples. That is very very interesting. I guess it's like we tempt to do something that people say "not to" just out of curioursity and that thought can result in more anxiety later. On the other hand, when we allow ourself to have "permission" of doing something (regardless of whether you will actually do it or not), it gives us peace and space then result in less anxiety!!! I will apply that to my situation. I know that if I can tell myself to wait another day, then another day will be just another day! I sure don't want to ruin it after 9 days. And counting....
Author Onelife Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 Mine goes something like this, though I have a few for different situations. "I cannot fix this. I will not waste one moment of my life crying over something that I cannot change. I have 24 hours today to be as happy or as miserable as I choose. So what's it gonna be IWWH? Today is my day and no one can take that away!" (wthout my permission) My cell phone boots up and displays the last line of that! Basically I think the serenity prayer nails it. Thank you IWWH. Agree with you 100%! Better to be happy. We have 24 hours a day and this one life to live. It's how we choose our day and life to be! I do need to remind myself that more often.
Author Onelife Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 I memorized dozens of quotes which all failed, by themsleves. This may sounds strange coming from a man, but here goes. The biggest help I received was from watching a film, dozens of times, until I got it. It's "What the Bleep Do We Know". It's about emotional addictions, seeing all the possibilities that you can't see yet. It's about Quantum Physics, but don't let that theme turn you off. The film is really all about what you need. Watch it, many times, until it sinks in. You're seeking to build courage to break free. It's very hard to do but it can be done. Thank you Gregsbad, I just Google the movie and these two sentences got my attention already: "Open you eyes to new possibilities" and "It's time to get wise!" Very interesting! I have to find it. Yeah break free is my goal! It's the long road I know but I am on it!
pureinheart Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Man Onelife, I remember my real NC, had had several before, but this was the real thing. I think the hardest part was dealing with the guilt and anger....I mean how could I have let myself get into this in the first place.... It's not about changing people, places or things....it's about changing the way I think life should be.....
Author Onelife Posted June 17, 2007 Author Posted June 17, 2007 what helps me, is to say...STOP! this is obsessive! I know and obsessive is not healthy...not a good way to be .
Author Onelife Posted June 17, 2007 Author Posted June 17, 2007 Man Onelife, I remember my real NC, had had several before, but this was the real thing. I think the hardest part was dealing with the guilt and anger....I mean how could I have let myself get into this in the first place.... It's not about changing people, places or things....it's about changing the way I think life should be..... (sign)....Yeah tell me about it...guilt and anger.... I agree that it's about changing our perception about the way life shoud be. I just finished watching the movie "the Holiday" and I like that line that the old man said: "In the movie we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. YOU! I can tell are a leading lady but for some reasons you're behaving like the best friend." Then she answered: "You are right. You're supposed to be the leading lady for your own life, For God's sake!" That was brutal but brilliant! I always thought of myself before I met him as a leading lady then as the time goes by I started putting myself as the second best! I need to put a change to the way I think. I am supposed to be the leading lady in my own life and stop playing the best friend!
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 What works for me: "Inaction works better than action." " You cannot make someone love you".
PoshPrincess Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 It's the line in the Keith Urban song which I think is called "You'll think of me" and says, "While you're sleeping with your pride wishing I could hold you tight, I'll be over you and on with my life...." Ok, so he may not be thinking that at all, but it sure as hell makes ME feel better to think so!
Author Onelife Posted June 18, 2007 Author Posted June 18, 2007 It's the line in the Keith Urban song which I think is called "You'll think of me" and says, "While you're sleeping with your pride wishing I could hold you tight, I'll be over you and on with my life...." Ok, so he may not be thinking that at all, but it sure as hell makes ME feel better to think so! You know I told him once that I believe I can make him happy and with me he will never have to go to sleep wanting. He said he believe it to be true. The sentence you just said hits me right in the heart! Well there is no "us" now. Moving on, moving on, moving on! I sure like that sentence. It cheers me up a whole lot. Thank you!
PoshPrincess Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 You know I told him once that I believe I can make him happy and with me he will never have to go to sleep wanting. He said he believe it to be true. The sentence you just said hits me right in the heart! Well there is no "us" now. Moving on, moving on, moving on! I sure like that sentence. It cheers me up a whole lot. Thank you! You're more than welcome, OneLife. Download it and listen to it whenever you are having a bad moment. I hear it on the radio and it inspires me. My exMM told me he would regret not being with me everyday for the rest of his life and I KNOW he will, unless he manages to sort his M out. It's gradually getting easier all the time.
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