Krytellan Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Before everyone asks, this is hypothetical, but based on past experience. If you were in a stable relationship, say 2 years and your SO decided to go on a trip with an old frined (and maybe a few others... gender not important) to say... I don't know, London and you had never been to London and you weren't invited, what would your thoughts be? Would you be totally pissed? Indifferent? Respect the friendship and be supportive? Demand to go?
Art_Critic Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 I wouldn't be pissed.. maybe hurt though. If my SO wants to hurt me and therefore hurt the relationship then it would show how much I mean to her.. If the relationship was under say a year then I would pick up a discussion with her AFTER she got back and I wouldn't ruin her trip by pulling something before. If we were married or had been together for years then it most likely wouldn't bother me except that I wasn't invited.. but most likely I wouldn't even care and I would go fishing or something instead. So I guess it really depends on what she meant by this trip.. was she pulling something and trying to tell me something or was she just being selfish..or was she just being independent. Context would be everything in this case..
doiask42much Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 I would be pissed. And hurt. But I guess for me pissed and hurt are often the same thing. Heh. Like art critic says, context matters. I guess it would depend on the reason WHY I wasn't invited. If it was some kind of reunion of old friends where I would not fit in or an all-guys' event or they were engaging in some activity or sport that I can't/don't do, then I would be better able to suck up my hurt feelings and deal. But if i'm not invited just because, I am pretty sure I'd have a tantrum and feel unwanted. Heh. Why are you asking a hypothetical question? Curious. I've gone on trips without my SO, but that was mostly because he was a deadbeat and could not pay his own way.
jcster Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I'd definitely be pissed off - what was the reason given for not having you come along?
Author Krytellan Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 I'd definitely be pissed off - what was the reason given for not having you come along? Let's say that it was a group of her friends that I don't know, but have had some limited contact with. I'm trying to keep this general without having to contrive some elaborate lie
alphamale Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 what would your thoughts be? i'd be thinking WTF??
jcster Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Well, in that case - I would be furious and contemplating a break up. It would certainly make me reconsider my relationship with this person.
Star Gazer Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Your question is far too vague to answer, so I guess I'll give examples. If we had been together for two years and my SO wanted to go away on a "guys only" trip to do guy-type stuff (camping, hunting, snowboarding, poker tournament, road trip across America to see the country's largest balls of floss, whatever), then I probably wouldn't have a problem with it, so long as his friends aren't cheating bastards. I would hope for the same extension from my SO, that is, that if I wanted to go on shopping/theater trip to NYC or London or something (or a bachelorette party, whatever, something 'girly' that he wouldn't enjoy), that I'd be able to go without a guilt trip. If my SO wanted to go away with friends that included one or more females, then I would absolutely expect to be invited along, regardless of where and why they were going on the trip. Similarly, I honestly wouldn't dream of going on any trip where guys were going to be there without inviting my SO. If he went on a vacation under such circumstances, I'd have to assume that my relationship with him was not "stable" afterall. However, all of the above is contingent on both of us having plenty of time and money to spend on vacations/trips with each other in addition to vacations with our friends. If money/vacation time is limited for one or both of us (which it generally is), then I would greatly prefer to vacation with my SO (with or without other friends involved) and would be highly unlikely to go without him.
IpAncA Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Kind of hard to do this with having to guess whats going on. If it's just her girlfriends ONLY then this other person shouldn't be mad. Now if their taking their bfs or gfs then yes I would be asking why I wasn't invited.
AriaIncognito Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I think I'd definitely feel hurt if my SO was to take a trip to somewhere he knew I'd never been and wanted to go. I'd at the very least want him to say "i know you'd like to go, but these people are from X or Y and I've not seen them in X years" or whatever, to at least acknowledge that he knew I would like to go, and that he thought about it, etc. I'd also like it if he said he'd make it up to me by going with me at some time, or something. Now, if it's a "guy" trip, well then the rules are pretty much understood, but the same would apply, it would be good if he acknowledged my want. Anyway, in your position, I believe I would be hurt but there has to be more to your story. Like is there any possibility things are rocky for you two and she just wants to get away from it for a while, or whatever... I wouldn't go breaking up over this. Would seem a bit trivial.
katiebour Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I'd be hurt. But my b/f and I spend most of our time with each other, and I can't picture either of us wanting to go somewhere exotic without being able to share it with the other. I would try to be understanding, but I would be lonely and sad that I was left behind.
Aloros Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Depends on the circumstances, I think. If they wants to reconnect with old friends/family, and have some fun traveling while doing it...why not? They're probably not excluding you to hurt you. I guess it's the motivations behind your SOs actions that matter most. I can think of certain friends I'd want to travel with alone (without SO), because I haven't seen them in a while, and we have a deep and lasting friendship that's suffered for lack of contact. When you're with your SO, there's a bit of a...filter. Your attention is often focused on your SO, so you don't get as much one-on-one time with your buddies, and you certainly can't talk about your SO. And if you don't know your SOs friends very well, he/she will be forced to spend more time on you (since you don't know anyone), and will have less time to focus on his/her friends. My mom and dad have a great marriage of over 30 years, and they still travel without one another sometimes. My dad gets together with his brothers 1/year, up in the mountains. They hike and watch old movies together. My mom goes out of the country as well, with some of her friends. I think the knee-jerk reaction is to be hurt...kind of "What, they don't want me along?", when really it's not about that at all.
Steveto Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 You should only be seriously hurt if your SO didn't tell you and you found out after the fact. Then there is a reason to worry. The way I look at it is ok, yes you should technically be invited, even if it is just the thing to do..but for the most part even in relationships, people need space..if they are old friends then you'd be bored anyway because they would be talking about things that happened before your relationship..Maybe even talk about old bf/gf.I don't know if you really want to be a part of that. Tell your SO..cool, you go with your friends...I'll go to Vegas or some other place...
bish Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Before everyone asks, this is hypothetical, but based on past experience. If you were in a stable relationship, say 2 years and your SO decided to go on a trip with an old frined (and maybe a few others... gender not important) to say... I don't know, London and you had never been to London and you weren't invited, what would your thoughts be? Would you be totally pissed? Indifferent? Respect the friendship and be supportive? Demand to go? Well, based on my experience with gf's taking "trips" with friends and such, I wouldn't demand to go, but I would be pissed. Those are things you do when you are not committed to someone. I couldn't imagine leaving my SO to go on a trip and not include her. That is, unless I could give a crap about her feelings and went anyway.
quankanne Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Those are things you do when you are not committed to someone. I couldn't imagine leaving my SO to go on a trip and not include her. really? I don't feel so strange not extending an invite to my husband when I want to visit friends or my parents, but then again, we've got an understanding that we don't drag each other along when there's a large possibility the other will be bored by events planned. That's not to say we don't do stuff together that includes these, but for the most part we prefer separate vacations because it just works better that way. that said, I don't think you ought to be feeling too put out by the fact that your SO wants to spend time with her girlfriends – that's HER time with them, not Y'ALLS time together, you know? My guess is that they may not want men along who would throw a monkey wrench in their plans to hang out or shop or sight-see, because the best way to kill a good time is to include someone who doesn't want to do what others want to do ... and a boyfriend/husband in a group of girlfriends will do just that. I say give her space, and tell her to enjoy her trip, if you know that it's a girl-bonding trip. You wouldn't want to have to drag her along on a hunting or fishing trip you've got planned with the boys over the weekend, would you? And have to pander to her needs even though there's something else that the both of you know you'd rather be doing?
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