Told the girlfriend, now I regret it!

[my body is a cage]

I spoke with his girlfriend's friend a few days ago and told her about all of the times he has cheated on her, myself and others included. I said I wantedher to know because it was the right thing, but I couldn't tell her because I had been threatened into silence by all of his friends.

 

She told the girlfriend, who wrote me an email asking me how he convinced me he didnt care about her. I replied, which was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I felt sooo bad.

 

She said she wouldn't reveal my involvement, but I have a feeling it will come up, and he is going to hate me.

 

He has mistreated me so many times, made me feel completely worthless, yet I still care about him so much. Its so hard for me to stay away; he calls me every day saying 'Hello beautiful!' 'I really want to see you' and tells me he loves me (as a friend) and kisses me on the head even though our relationship is no longer sexual.

 

He is a good friend, and I feel like I have betrayed him.

 

I wanted revenge on him for hurting me so much, but I also didn't want to let him get away hurting more girls.

 

However, now I feel that I could have just left this situation with the upper hand, as hard as it may have been for me, but because of this I will be the cause of a lot of petty drama and come across as jealous and resentful.

 

Was it my place to get involved? Did I intrude? Will he hate me when/if he finds out I spilled the beans? Does he have the right to? Will his girlfriend try to keep me anonymous because I helped her?

 

She never responded to my email.

 

I feel like a suicide bomber who has set off a bomb, changed her mind, doesnt know how to derig it, and can do nothing at this point but wait for it to explode.

[whichwayisup]

Be ready for all the consquences of telling. Who knows what she is going to do, but expect the worst because in her mind, why would she protect you?

 

I don't know what to tell you, because you telling was to intentional to get revenge upon him, not really for his girlfriends' sake, this is unfortunately what happens...So yeah, there more than likely will be a fallout.

 

Sorry to be harsh.

 

What you can do if you need to make peace with what you did is tell HIM what you did. You've probably lost him for good either way, but atleast admitting what you did could soften the reaction.

 

Good luck.

[bish]

I spoke with his girlfriend's friend a few days ago and told her about all of the times he has cheated on her, myself and others included. I said I wantedher to know because it was the right thing, but I couldn't tell her because I had been threatened into silence by all of his friends.

 

She told the girlfriend, who wrote me an email asking me how he convinced me he didnt care about her. I replied, which was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I felt sooo bad.

 

She said she wouldn't reveal my involvement, but I have a feeling it will come up, and he is going to hate me.

 

So he'll hate you. So what? I'd consider it a compliment if an as$$hole like that hated me.

 

He is a good friend, and I feel like I have betrayed him.

 

Huh? You're joking right?

 

Was it my place to get involved? Did I intrude?

 

Of course not. A guy like this needs to get caught with his hand in all the cookie jars. This poor girl he is seeing needed to know he is a cheating bastard.

 

Will he hate me when/if he finds out I spilled the beans? Does he have the right to?

 

Will he hate you? I don't really know why you'd care. Does he have a right to? Absolutely NOT! He is a cheater. This is his own fault.

 

He isn't worried about you hating him since he did you wrong did he?

 

No. On the contrary, he is whispering sweet nothings to you and playing you for a fool. He must really have no respect for you to think he can get away with it. Can he get away with hurting you and you still think he is god's gift? Only you can allow him to do that to you.

[Lucky555]

let me say you this you did it on purpose. You can't stand the fact of him with another girl even though its over. You have not gotten over him yet you need to move on and get away from him till you have had your space girl geez. sorry to tell u this but you shouldn't have said anything. She would have found out if she was really into him. Although i do feel bad for you,having him use his male way to win you over ever single time leading you on even though your just friends, maybe thinking someday it would be just you and him again because he does still care about you after all. BUT, hes actually the one with the ego boost. Knowing that your there and his new gf who hes sharing his bed with mind you are there for him. Look hes got it made. i am not hating or anything just stating the facts, he must feel like a king. You need to feel like a queen so try to move on and you need space from him. like no contact for at least two weeks. You will be amazed at you level of self esteem. If you need to talk to him every other day and work up to not talking for two weeks. Thats way easier than just quiting cold turkey it is hard to let go but you need to to have a better life.

[my body is a cage]

I know, I feel like this all makes me seem really petty and jealous. Initially I did do it out of revenge to him because he has made me feel worthless so many times, but its also not fair that he is playing his girlfriend like this.

 

I didn't directly tell the girlfriend, I only did when she already knew and confronted me about it.

 

Hopefully she will take some pity on me? She said the only person she was mad at is the guy, and that he wouldnt know I was involved, but who knows if she actually means that.

 

What confuses me is that I told her two days ago, and he still keeps calling me and asking me to chill and being nice to me, so either she hasnt done anything yet and they dont communicate at all?

 

I wish I could take it back but I can't.

 

I really wish I could let him go easily but I also can't do that.

[NoIDidn't]

She is taking it easy on you, for now. She hasn't responded to your email. That's a sign that she got the info you said you had to offer and that's all she needed from you.

 

I don't think she has said anything to him yet if he is still contacting you.

 

But when she does drop the bomb on him, he will be pissed. And when she finds out that you told her and kept in contact with him, she will know that you only did it in the hopes that she would confront him and he would be in "trouble" with her, thus by hurting her you hurt him.

 

Don't be surprised when the woman that didn't respond to your email becomes the b.itch that curses you out for the double betrayal. The first messing with him when you knew she existed. The second when you told her what he was up to giving her the impression that you were getting out of the picture.

 

Get out of the picture while you still have the chance. If he makes you feel worthless now, it only gets worst.

[outofdarkness]

I spoke with his girlfriend's friend a few days ago and told her about all of the times he has cheated on her, myself and others included. I said I wantedher to know because it was the right thing, but I couldn't tell her because I had been threatened into silence by all of his friends.

 

She told the girlfriend, who wrote me an email asking me how he convinced me he didnt care about her. I replied, which was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I felt sooo bad.

 

She said she wouldn't reveal my involvement, but I have a feeling it will come up, and he is going to hate me.

 

He has mistreated me so many times, made me feel completely worthless, yet I still care about him so much. Its so hard for me to stay away; he calls me every day saying 'Hello beautiful!' 'I really want to see you' and tells me he loves me (as a friend) and kisses me on the head even though our relationship is no longer sexual.

 

He is a good friend, and I feel like I have betrayed him.

 

I wanted revenge on him for hurting me so much, but I also didn't want to let him get away hurting more girls.

 

However, now I feel that I could have just left this situation with the upper hand, as hard as it may have been for me, but because of this I will be the cause of a lot of petty drama and come across as jealous and resentful.

 

Was it my place to get involved? Did I intrude? Will he hate me when/if he finds out I spilled the beans? Does he have the right to? Will his girlfriend try to keep me anonymous because I helped her?

 

She never responded to my email.

 

I feel like a suicide bomber who has set off a bomb, changed her mind, doesnt know how to derig it, and can do nothing at this point but wait for it to explode.

As I have always said, it's not so much TELLING the BS or SOG about the cheating as it is what your motivation and reasons are for telling. The OP needs to know imo, but if it's told to "punish" the cheater and in anger, nothing good will come of it, and many innocent people are left confused and angry too. JMHO..

[whichwayisup]

I wish I could take it back but I can't.

 

How much time did take to think about this, and I mean really think about ALL that could happen if you told.

 

I really wish I could let him go easily but I also can't do that.

Maybe I'm wrong, but your quote above makes it seem like you're hoping she kicks him out and he comes to you.

 

You may actually have NO choice BUT to let him go once the information is out there and he finds out everything. He may hate you, resent you and want nothing to do with you, so you need to have some friends or family that you trust in your corner to help you through this.

[torranceshipman]

Girl, you 100% did the right thing. The guy is a total dirtbag. He is not your friend, he is a user, a nasty guy, and couldn't give a crap about you or his girlfriend, or any of the other girls he has been playing about with. You did the girlfriend the biggest favour of her life by telling her. Who cares what crap the guy, the girlfriend or anyone else throws yourway? You were honest and did the right thing so feel good about yourself.

 

And you know what? If you partly wanted to do the right thing, but also partly wanted revenge...who the hell cares? If you felt like you needed revenge then you go girl, its a natural emotion and for goodness sake, I'm sick of the martyr attitude thats pushed on this website by some people...that you should only tell the W/G for purely altruistic reasons...while I completely agree with OutofDarkness that you need to spill the beans in a sensitive way, if revenge is part of the equation and you do spill the beans in a sensitive way...you know what? More power to you. You're only human. Don't beat yourself up...the guy is a total nasty, disrespectul loser and needs to be made accountable. You did it so more power to you.

 

Pay no attention to what he or the G think of you...it doesnt matter...you're better than that. Feel good that you ended the lies and that you are moving on to better things.

[BlackSwan]

Girl, you 100% did the right thing. The guy is a total dirtbag. He is not your friend, he is a user, a nasty guy, and couldn't give a crap about you or his girlfriend, or any of the other girls he has been playing about with. You did the girlfriend the biggest favour of her life by telling her.

 

Pay no attention to what he or the G think of you...it doesnt matter...you're better than that. Feel good that you ended the lies and that you are moving on to better things.

 

I agree with this 100%

 

I had a cheater boyfriend, and I told her once I found out. Neither she nor I knew he was seeing both of us. It was the best thing I ever did, both for her and for me. He's the big loser. He always will be because he thought it was a great idea to see both of us.

 

Your guy is the big loser because all he cares about is what he wants which is as many girls as he can have.

 

You did her a favor, and if he hates you for blowing his little cheating scheme, there's no reason you should care. He's not the kind of guy who could ever make you happy since he's a big liar and cheater, right?

[whichwayisup]

The problem here (I think?) she still wants this guy and if given the chance, he comes looking for her with open arms, she WILL say yes to him. And THAT is why she's full of regret about spilling the beans. If I am wrong, please correct me, mybodyisacage.

[my body is a cage]

The problem here (I think?) she still wants this guy and if given the chance, he comes looking for her with open arms, she WILL say yes to him. And THAT is why she's full of regret about spilling the beans. If I am wrong, please correct me, mybodyisacage.

 

You are wrong and right, but mostly wrong. At this point theres no way I actually would say yes. I might want to, but theres no way I would. And what bothers me is that I might want to. I'm also feeling regret because I did partially do this out of revenge, and I wish I could have left on a peaceful note. I dont exactly know how I stand, there is a lot of grey area, and as with any emotion its complicated.

 

Interesting twist: His brother (whom he is very close with) just called me. He tried to get me to come over to FWB's girlfriends house, where they appearently are. Basically, there are two possibilities: A. She chose to ignore the entire thing because she is very passive (not that unlikley, she seems entirely infatuated and she IS very passive) or B. They found out, are still together, and are inviting me over in order to harrass me.

 

There is also possibility C, which is that she told him, didn't reveal my name, they talked it over and are still together.

 

Naturally, I didn't go, so I will never really know. I suppose I will know based on wether or not I continue to be contacted, but he may also stop contacting me out of the sheer fact that the last 6 times he has called me to chill I have denied him.

 

I need to leave this group of friends anyway, as they have been complete **** to me. (See this thread for reference http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t120352/ )

 

Thank you sooo much to everyone who thinks I did the right thing. I needed to hear that, I feel terrible about this whole mess.

[Cobra_X30]

Mybody,

 

Your feelings for this guy are not healthy. You told his GF. Thats fine, she needed to know anyway. If she sticks with him SHE is a retard.

 

As a guy I can tell you exactly why he keeps stringing you along. He sees you as a potential booty call and he wants to keep the option for bieng FWB open. Its that simple. In HighSchool there are alot of guys who have a 6th sense for girls with self esteem issues. Think about it... sweet and sour. It keeps you thinking about him... keeps you off balance... and keeps you vulnerable.

 

Does that make any sense to you?

[serial muse]

He is a manipulative a$$. Go back and reread all of your own posts about him, one after the other - look at all the hurt he's caused you, all the drama he's brought, all the push/pulling, the manipulation, the outright cruelty at times. He is NOT a good friend. He's nothing of the kind - Cobra's quite right. He's just stringing you along because it feeds his ego.

 

You need to let GO. It's good that you're turning them down whenever they invite you over, but you're clearly wavering. Stay strong - every time I read your posts about this crowd I shudder a little, because they are SO bad for you. Let them be now. I still say I think you did the right thing - she contacted you and asked what's up, and you told her, and that's that. Leave it be and you ARE walking away with dignity. It does not matter what he thinks, because he will always choose to think whatever feeds his ego at the time - and it has nothing to do with you or your future. It just doesn't matter. You need to see him more clearly - think, again and again, about the ways in which he knew he was hurting you and kept on doing it anyway. Reread your first post about him. You are close to freeing yourself from a bad situation, and now you just need to keep on going.

[my body is a cage]

Mybody,

 

Your feelings for this guy are not healthy. You told his GF. Thats fine, she needed to know anyway. If she sticks with him SHE is a retard.

 

As a guy I can tell you exactly why he keeps stringing you along. He sees you as a potential booty call and he wants to keep the option for bieng FWB open. Its that simple. In HighSchool there are alot of guys who have a 6th sense for girls with self esteem issues. Think about it... sweet and sour. It keeps you thinking about him... keeps you off balance... and keeps you vulnerable.

 

Does that make any sense to you?

 

I think she has chosen to stay with him, and not even address the issue, based from the phone call I recieved last night. I c an't even begin to wrap my mind around how much she is dependent on him/ how blind she is if she has chosen to do this, but at the same time I'm a little relieved now that I've tried my best and didn't get into any trouble for it.

 

And yeah, maybe he is stringing me along for a potential booty call and he is disguising his motives by trying to make me feel undesirable/ like he doesnt want anything sexual from me. hmm.

 

My problem is definately that I care too much about this guy.

[whichwayisup]

What they decide now isn't any of your business. She knows and what's done is done, all you can do is move on. Don't look back.

 

Fact now you're aware of him stringing you along, DON'T fall into that trap again, don't believe him anymore!

 

Learn to uncare about him. When you find yourself thinking about him, PUSH the thoughts out of your head. Focus on the true and real friends you have in your life.

[my body is a cage]

It's easier said than done for me to just stop thinking about him.

 

He didn't call me at all yesterday... I can't remember the last time that happened.

 

I can't help but wonder if its because the girlfriend told him what I did, or if he is just getting the hint that I don't want to see him.

 

Either way, they are still together...

[FireandIce]

Of course she'll tell him that she heard from you. Why would she protect you after finding out that you have been sleeping with her boyfriend? She owes you nothing.

 

I also don't believe you did this for her. You did this for you because you are still hurt that he remains with her. You wanted him to pay and maybe create problems in his life. Perhaps you also hoped that she would dump him and he'd come to you. Well I'm sorry but this won't happen. He hasn't left her for a reason and I highly doubt he'll just walk away if they break up (which I doubt they will).

[torranceshipman]

FireandIce, I don't think this girl needs tobe beaten up anymore over this situation...her social group and this ex ofhers sound like really toxic people who are bullying her, and she's been strong and walked away, and in the midst of all that tough stuff, even done the right thing by letting the girlfriend know that her boyfriend is disrespecting her. For whatever reason she did it, she's walked out of an abusive reltionship and away from an abusive social group, so she shouldbe really encouraged and applauded for that.

 

Look BodyIsACage....you respected the girlfriend by telling her the truth, but I doubt she'll leave, because the guy seems to ONLY want to be with a girl with terribly low selfesteem, who he can treat like crap to inflate his own very fragile ego, and who he can manipulate to stay with him, no matter how much he bullies her or treats her badly. Girls like that usually stick around despite the bad treatment (as you have...thats your low self esteem talking). He is a real bully and so are all his friends - none of them will EVER want to see you do well...they're only interested in trampling on you. If they see you getting happier or stronger, or have good things happen to you, they'll do watever they can to pull you down again...then when you are in a bad situation and unhappier, that's probably when they're nice to you, as they get their ego's stroked again-they can feel superior as you are in aworse situation than them and they have their punching bag back. I include the 'nice' best friend of your ex in that statement, as he sounds just as bad as all of the rest of the group. They're bullying you because they see something in you that they are very jealous of. Those type of bullies never change and the one worry I have from reading all your posts, is that in some ways, you are your own worst enemy, by continuing to hang out with them, and wanting their approval. This situation will only get worse, and so will your self esteem, if that happens, and if you let yourself get sucked in.

 

You need to remove all of them completely from your life....you seem like a nice person and they're dirt, period. You're a winner and they're a bunch of losers, so go find some winners to hang out with! (-:

[my body is a cage]

. For whatever reason she did it, she's walked out of an abusive reltionship and away from an abusive social group, so she shouldbe really encouraged and applauded for that.

 

Look BodyIsACage....you respected the girlfriend by telling her the truth, but I doubt she'll leave, because the guy seems to ONLY want to be with a girl with terribly low selfesteem, who he can treat like crap to inflate his own very fragile ego, and who he can manipulate to stay with him, no matter how much he bullies her or treats her badly.

 

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I needed that.

 

I actually stopped by his house today because I called to get my ipod speakers back that I lent to him. I was a little curious to see how they would act around me to see if they knew about the girlfriend thing, and I wanted to get my speakers back before/ in case he hates me and never gives them back.

 

He wasnt even in there, he was in the hospital because he cut up his arm somehow, his friends were there and they were actually pretty nice to me (probably because I haven't chilled with them in forever and they see that I'm slipping away).

 

I also know that him and his girlfriend are still together, and they didnt bring up the situation at all, meaning that they don't know anything about it.

 

Based on this, I'm going to assume that the girlfriend is so desperate to stay with him that she didn't even mention the situation. She is very passive, but this is extreme to me.

 

I feel better now that I know that I didn't cause a drama. I know that this group of people are terrible and that I shouldn't care, but like some of the people posting here, I was worried that I would look petty and vengeful by telling her, and leave without dignity. Now I am content, and feel like I have the upper hand, as they are still attempting to get me to chill with them and I am refusing, and while I am cutting all ties I also gave my best attempt at creating justice.

[Cobra_X30]

Clicks like this can almost be like a drug. You should really try to limit contact as much as possible. These guys sound just like my friends in highschool.

 

Trust me when I say they NEED someone within the group to take all the crap. When that person leaves they start to cannabalize thier own. So dont be that person.

 

There are probably 50 guys at your school that would trade a kidney to talk to you. Dont waste your time with captain douchebag. Find that guy who realizes how wonderful you are.

[torranceshipman]

And I also second Cobra on everything he/she just posted (sorry don't know if you are male or female, lol!), wise words!!!

[Cobra_X30]

torrance,

 

Male... and this girl's post reminds me how aweful we are in HighSchool. I hope she realizes that this crap doesnt define who you are. Never let people label you!

[bish]

let me say you this you did it on purpose. You can't stand the fact of him with another girl even though its over.

 

 

I think you missed a really important part of this story. He keeps calling her and talking all sweet to her. She needed to do something to get this jerk off her back.

[NoIDidn't]

I actually stopped by his house today because I called to get my ipod speakers back that I lent to him. I was a little curious to see how they would act around me to see if they knew about the girlfriend thing, and I wanted to get my speakers back before/ in case he hates me and never gives them back.

 

How many other things have you left with him that will become yet another excuse to see him and find out what is none of your business?

 

Regardless of what is being said here, you still want something from this guy. Why? He's treated you like crap. All of his friends have treated you like crap too.

 

Have you ever considered that they do know about the telling, and figure that its over between you and him so maybe one of the other's is now vying for a piece of you? Its not unheard of.

 

Whatever else you *left* with him, count it as a loss. It isn't worth the pain.