Author Mino Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 Thanks for all your replys. To the BW- its is NOT about hurting the wife. Not at all. She is lied to the same as I have been lied to. He is the guilty one. I understand me part. I should not have believed his lie about him wanting to get out of the marriage. Looking back, I should have stayed away till he was out. You are right. But my intent was never to hurt the wife, what good would that do? She caused me no pain, I feel for her too. He broke is vows, many times before. Their marriage was broke before they even married, and it was not her fault , all his. He had issues he bought into the marriage. So, no, she is the victim. I do believe she should know truth. Everybody does. She see her husband as someone he is not. An illusion, the picture that he paints. I know if the shoe were on the other foot, I would want to know, I would not want to find 20, 30, 40 years later. If she knows she could make her choice, but she made an educated choice knowing all of his character. He is a great manipulator, I know, I should have known better, but I fell for his lies too, until it was too late
PoshPrincess Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I am never normally up for telling the W in these situations for the simple reason that I don't think any OWs intentions are honourable when doing so, ie, they're not doing it for the right reasons. In this sitch this W DOES have a right to know what a lying cheating b**tard her husband is. Saying that, as she knows abour your A it is quite likely she knows about the others too, and probably DOES turn a blind eye, as someone else mentioned on here. There ARE women who put up with this time and time again for whatever reasons. Please, do yourself a favour and get rid of this man now. He obviously can't keep it in his pants and, without meaning to hurt you, he won't be any different with you! You deserve so much better. It's bad enough to be someone's 'bit on the side' but to be that and STILL be cheated on with even more women is another thing all together. The only person this man loves is himself!
smartgirl Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I have to say I side with the majority of the other posters on this one - you should take your lumps and move on -- but leave the W out of it. You are suddenly so interested in her welfare and right to know what a scumbag her H is? But you certainly didn't feel that way when you were benefiting from his attention. And if he had left her brokenhearted to marry you, like you wanted him to, you certainly would not have been giving a damn about her then. You need to be honest with yourself about your motivations. You only want to do this to get revenge. You feel like you got hurt and he is walking away clean. But nothing you do will "smarten him up" or change him. He will just move on to the next willing victim. You were willing by the way. You knew every crappy thing he was doing to the W and never thought for a minute he would do it to you? You were a fool and it pisses you off. Take your lumps on this one. Learn from the experience. But don't try and make yourself feel better by hurting an innocent person.
PoshPrincess Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 And no, I've never had an OW and never will. Never cheated either. See I have something you don't. A sense of decency. Oh, PURRRRLEASE!!!!! Get over yourself!
bish Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 And no, I've never had an OW and never will. Never cheated either. See I have something you don't. A sense of decency. Oh, PURRRRLEASE!!!!! Get over yourself! Whats the matter? Don't have the intestinal fortitude yourself to keep from being an OW or cheater?
PoshPrincess Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Whats the matter? Don't have the intestinal fortitude yourself to keep from being an OW or cheater? :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: Oh, you are SO right! I AM an exOW and although I am by no means proud of that fact I don't think it means I have no sense of decency. It was a mistake - a big fat one, granted - but I've learned from it. Not that this in any way excuses what we did but the BW of the MM I was seeing had cheated on him so she was no angel either. I think you should get off your moral high horse!
bish Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: Oh, you are SO right! I AM an exOW and although I am by no means proud of that fact I don't think it means I have no sense of decency. It was a mistake - a big fat one, granted - but I've learned from it. And this is why you need not take it so personal. You admit it wasn't something you should be doing, YOU learned from it. This Mino did not. She is just pissed because its now over. THAT is why she has no decency. She just wants to be vindictive now.
sugar_sweet Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 I have been ow for 3 years, I have been lied to again by mm. We had d day 4 months ago, He had moved out( 2 weeks) and wife actually came to my house. He ended up going home again, telling me he needed to sort things out and we will be together soon. Time has come, after 4 months of pure heLLL for me. Odd thing is she never checked up on him after she found out. Even though he was late every day( 4 hours) Why would she not check??? He now says, he still cant, still confussed. WTF!! I cant believe this, lies lies lies, and more lies. I am angry. I broke it off again, now i am so angry that he dances back into his life like nothing ever happened. I want to visit his wife. I dont think she know how long this went on, nor all the marriage promises that were made. I have lots of proof. I dont know if I should just show up at her door, or call first. At any rate I am going. Had enough, he should have consequences too!!! I know she will give him hell for months, he wont even be able to go the the bathroom with out asking. I also know he will never talk to me again, I am just PISSED I've not been with my mm for long, but I don't plan on being a OW forever.
Trimmer Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 ...its is NOT about hurting the wife. Not at all. She is lied to the same as I have been lied to. If she knows she could make her choice, but she made an educated choice knowing all of his character. He is a great manipulator, I know, I should have known better, but I fell for his lies too, until it was too late So, given that you will probably admit that she owes you nothing at all, would you be willing to say to her: "I had an affair with your husband. I will answer honestly any question you ask," and then limit yourself to only answering her questions and leave quietly when she is done (including if she chooses to answer NO questions at all...) I don't think "closure for you" is necessarily aligned with her best interests.... If she chooses not to ask any questions, wouldn't you still want to spill your guts and tell her what you think of him? If that is so, she doesn't need that from you, nor does she deserve to have to listen to you. Closure for you comes from you, not from her, or from him. Closure is a decision to turn your back on the mistakes of the past and turn towards your future. All that depends on is you. Also, she may know more about him than you believe she does...
silktricks Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 Closure for you comes from you, not from her, or from him. Closure is a decision to turn your back on the mistakes of the past and turn towards your future. All that depends on is you. This is a wonderful thing for everyone to remember in all situations that need closure. Thank-you, Trimmer.
sadbuttrue Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I've not been with my mm for long, but I don't plan on being a OW forever. i dont know an OW that does
sugar_sweet Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 Well, I mean, I don't like the whole secret thing, as I stated in another thread. I don't do 2nd place. I have grown attached to this guy. He's really a nice guy, and seems like his W doesn't appreciate him. Why would he go somewhere else if she did? I can understand how OWs get tired and want to contact the W.
sadbuttrue Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 sugar sweet, MM go somewhere else because they can. it isnt always that the W is so horrible. as long as there are women out there who will be available to them, then the temptation is there. and just by starting the R with MM, you put yourself in 2nd place.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 and just by starting the R with MM, you put yourself in 2nd place. Pretty much yeah! You are agreeing that you're fine with it, which puts you ATLEAST second. When you start to whine or cry about it he'll use MM excuses number 1 thru 21 at first aleast. Then you'll hate his wife for being married to him when you met him. READ UP!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 It'll be either 1st or nothing. When????? Today, tomorrow???? The twelth of never??? When will you be first? I tell you what, call him right now and ask him.
sadbuttrue Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 IWWH, i should probably have said 4th or 5th place, because many more things come before the OW like kids, job, extended family, friends, i could go on. the OW is so far down the list of what is really important to MM, it sucks. but like i said, we put ourselves there. and then we take it, which is even worse. my MM said that he felt like he was neglecting me the other day. i just looked at him and said "i pretty much signed up to be neglected." he was hurt that i would say that, but it is true.
sugar_sweet Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I'll deal till he comes back from his trip next week, then we'll see how he is. Who knows, it might not be that great a trip for him.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I'll deal till he comes back from his trip next week, then we'll see how he is. Who knows, it might not be that great a trip for him. So he's spending his hard earned money and he's miserable???? He's a liar and a cheater and he only cares about himself. He has FUN where ever he goes at anyones expense.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 Just warning you off honey, asking you to look at reality. Learn the hard way if you must. I'm not insulting you, I'm trying to educate you. I'll not respond to your issue anymore.
sugar_sweet Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I think there are rules about insulting a poster on this board, aren't there? I felt insulted by her comment.
Trimmer Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 my MM said that he felt like he was neglecting me the other day. i just looked at him and said "i pretty much signed up to be neglected." Well, at least your eyes are wide open. I respect you for that...
sadbuttrue Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 thanks, my eyes are wide open trimmer. i dont know if that makes me feel better about my whole situation or worse
Trimmer Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I think there are rules about insulting a poster on this board, aren't there? I felt insulted by her comment. I think you'll find, on close reading, that she is mostly insulting your MM and his behavior - mostly to try to point out, as the OP has discovered, that the lines you are being fed, and the things you are believing "He's really a nice guy, and seems like his W doesn't appreciate him. Why would he go somewhere else if she did?" may be as much based in deception as is his marriage with his wife... "Wake up and look at what's going on" may feel insulting, but it's the voices of experience talking, and it's a lot of what goes on around here...
sugar_sweet Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 I think you'll find, on close reading, that she is mostly insulting your MM and his behavior - mostly to try to point out, as the OP has discovered, that the lines you are being fed, and the things you are believing "He's really a nice guy, and seems like his W doesn't appreciate him. Why would he go somewhere else if she did?" may be as much based in deception as is his marriage with his wife... "Wake up and look at what's going on" may feel insulting, but it's the voices of experience talking, and it's a lot of what goes on around here... When the poster is insulting my mm, the poster is insulting me.
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