whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Meaning, you're having an affair with her husband and you want to spill the beans to her? Or someone is having an affair with your wife and you want to tell the OM (other man) wife? More info would be helpful if you're looking for advice.
Author Mino Posted June 15, 2007 Author Posted June 15, 2007 I have been ow for 3 years, I have been lied to again by mm. We had d day 4 months ago, He had moved out( 2 weeks) and wife actually came to my house. He ended up going home again, telling me he needed to sort things out and we will be together soon. Time has come, after 4 months of pure heLLL for me. Odd thing is she never checked up on him after she found out. Even though he was late every day( 4 hours) Why would she not check??? He now says, he still cant, still confussed. WTF!! I cant believe this, lies lies lies, and more lies. I am angry. I broke it off again, now i am so angry that he dances back into his life like nothing ever happened. I want to visit his wife. I dont think she know how long this went on, nor all the marriage promises that were made. I have lots of proof. I dont know if I should just show up at her door, or call first. At any rate I am going. Had enough, he should have consequences too!!! I know she will give him hell for months, he wont even be able to go the the bathroom with out asking. I also know he will never talk to me again, I am just PISSED
Tomcat33 Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 I I also know he will never talk to me again, If what you are after is to get him out of your life and to blow his cover for the right reason, then go for it I think it's the best way to do so. Well speaking from experience I thought it would be..... Otherwise if you hope to have his W kick him out so that you could have him, first of all is not only all the wrong reason to do this, but I doubt he will look at you in a positive way again after that because it says to him you don't want to protect him. I believe it sends a pretty strong message to him you want nothing more to do with him.
scaredinlove Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 I have been ow for 3 years, I have been lied to again by mm. We had d day 4 months ago, He had moved out( 2 weeks) and wife actually came to my house. He ended up going home again, telling me he needed to sort things out and we will be together soon. Time has come, after 4 months of pure heLLL for me. Odd thing is she never checked up on him after she found out. Even though he was late every day( 4 hours) Why would she not check??? He now says, he still cant, still confussed. WTF!! I cant believe this, lies lies lies, and more lies. I am angry. I broke it off again, now i am so angry that he dances back into his life like nothing ever happened. I want to visit his wife. I dont think she know how long this went on, nor all the marriage promises that were made. I have lots of proof. I dont know if I should just show up at her door, or call first. At any rate I am going. Had enough, he should have consequences too!!! I know she will give him hell for months, he wont even be able to go the the bathroom with out asking. I also know he will never talk to me again, I am just PISSED If the W came to your house she probably already know about the affair and don't care.Some woman will accept H affairs.Talking to her only going to make you look like a fool. Just move on with your life and forget about him. revenge is never a good thing.
outofdarkness Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 question about contacting the wife It depends on what your motivation is for telling the W...More info would be helpful in order to help YOU!
whichwayisup Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Is this revenge to hurt him and piss his wife off, or do you genuinally 'care' about her feelings? Are you doing this for her? Or is this the only way you see the light, for the affair to end once and for all? Or is this a ploy in hopes he'll come running to you if she kicks him out? You're strong and if you want OUT of being the OW, just do it. Say goodbye to him and move on, don't look back. Don't cause more drama, just remove yourself from him, and his life completely, fix and heal yourself. You tell her, you're taking a chance of creating alot of fireworks and drama, so just keep that in mind. Once you spill all, BE prepared to be HONEST with her completely, even if it makes you look bad. Own up to your mistakes and your part in the affair, don't put ALL the blame on him as it takes TWO to make an affair happen. Yes, he is the married one, the person who is lying and deceiving his wife, but you knew that going in - That he IS capable of lying, you helped him deceive his wife... To be honest, I think you're more angry with yourself, letting a MM fool you.
NoIDidn't Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 She's doing it for revenge. Revenge because she believed his talking out loud in the moment words about promising to marry her once he divorced his current wife. I want to visit his wife. I dont think she know how long this went on, nor all the marriage promises that were made. I have lots of proof. Can't say she is right or wrong about him never speaking to her again after telling, though. We have plenty of proof from the Infidelity Forum of WS who were busted by the OW showing up at their home with their W's that never would speak to the OW (or at least that's what they told us here anyway) again. This is pure revenge. Has nothing to do with wanting her to give the W a "heads up". It has everything to do with her hurting him the way she is blaming him for hurting her. At any rate I am going. Had enough, he should have consequences too!!! I know she will give him hell for months, he wont even be able to go the the bathroom with out asking. The W is going to see straight through this truth telling session and she will forever be thought of as the nutjob that tried to ruin their M - by both of them (and someone here can testify to that ).
Onelife Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I have been ow for 3 years, I have been lied to again by mm. We had d day 4 months ago, He had moved out( 2 weeks) and wife actually came to my house. He ended up going home again, telling me he needed to sort things out and we will be together soon. Time has come, after 4 months of pure heLLL for me. Odd thing is she never checked up on him after she found out. Even though he was late every day( 4 hours) Why would she not check??? He now says, he still cant, still confussed. WTF!! I cant believe this, lies lies lies, and more lies. I am angry. I broke it off again, now i am so angry that he dances back into his life like nothing ever happened. I want to visit his wife. I dont think she know how long this went on, nor all the marriage promises that were made. I have lots of proof. I dont know if I should just show up at her door, or call first. At any rate I am going. Had enough, he should have consequences too!!! I know she will give him hell for months, he wont even be able to go the the bathroom with out asking. I also know he will never talk to me again, I am just PISSED Mino, you sound so mad right now. I would suggest you try not to do anything while you are so pissed as you will not see anything as clearly as when you are calm. Give yourself some more time, just for the sake of making the right decision. I know it's easy to say but you don't want to do things that you will regret later.
BlackSwan Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I dont think she know how long this went on, nor all the marriage promises that were made. She probably doesn't know. Of course she doesn't. He's a liar. He wouldn't have told her everything. His wife probably heard part of the story. The part he was forced to tell her. She has no idea this went on as long as it did, nor what he promised (lied) to you. If you want to tell her, do it. Why should she be the only one who doesn't know the truth? He is obviously not going to tell her.
Author Mino Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 Thank you all for your reply. All of you are right. Here are my reasons for wanting to tell. First off, after all the lies and promise, after he seeing me suffer daily, asking pleading for truth, to come clean, he still lied. All the way yo today, he is manipulating and lying. I think I want him to pay for that in some way. Call it revenge if you like. I have suffered plenty. Second. Over the years, I find out he has had many one-night stands and several affairs. I know some of the women, We work with them. So I find out (over time) he is a serial cheater, and does this for fun, I guess. He, has been married over 10 years, he has had an affair, for every year he was married. I find out today, he bought his wife the same piece of jewelery that he bought me!!!! How TACKY is that? I have worn this piece because it was very special to me, now to find out she is wearing the same one....... I have over 1200 e-mails, pic, videos. I do not want to go over there to hurt her. I want her to know the truth. I want to find truth. AND I want closure. Oh I do relize that this is the end. I DO!!! After all I know now, even if he came now, I would not want him. He is a pathological, narristic lyer, I know she will stay in her marriage. She told somebody I know, she know where he is, and she does not care,as long as she has her lifestye. BUT, if she knew the whole truth, she would put fire under is@@@@. He needs to reize not all women keep there mouth shut. Not this one, He needs to relize this before he finds his next one to hurt. He cannot go around playing women, hurting them as he did me. I gave him my whole hurt, because he said trust me. She needs to know the character of her husband. So you see I have several reasons why I need to do this. Closure is what I need. He will not walk away, like I never excisted. I will not shut up. Thanks again for your input. and yes, I will let a few days go by, I will not face her in anger. only with my sincere apologies, and truth.
Author Mino Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 I feel so sick to my stomach, and the worse thing is I have to see him everyday. This sob was even at my house when the wife was in the hospital delivering there baby. He has balls, He even told her he needs a break to go with on vacation for a week. I could write a book.
Onelife Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I feel so sick to my stomach, and the worse thing is I have to see him everyday. This sob was even at my house when the wife was in the hospital delivering there baby. He has balls, He even told her he needs a break to go with on vacation for a week. I could write a book. Please do yourself a favor, RUN! This serial cheater is not worth your suffering. If he decides to stay M to his W, let that be his W's problem. Not that I suggest you take him if he comes to you. Lucky you find out about the truth and now you should stay away. Stop now while you still can. Best wishes to you.
NoIDidn't Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Mino Think about this some more when you calm down. Presenting someone with 1200+ emails makes you sound like an obsessed psycho, not to be offensive. But what would you do if a woman presented you with that much stuff at one time? You may be surprised to find out that she has suspected much about his activities even before you, but you won't be hurting him. You'll be hurting her. Serial cheats typically don't give a rat's a.ss about their spouse's feelings. That, and they are very accomplished liars and will make you out to be a nutcase - successfully, too. Nothing you tell his W is going to change his activities. Nothing she can do to stop him if he wants to cheat and sleep around. Men like this never offer closure. You just have to get as far away as you can from them. Closure is elusive and overrated. You can get closure in other ways. Healthier ways.
bish Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I know she will give him hell for months, he wont even be able to go the the bathroom with out asking. I also know he will never talk to me again, I am just PISSED Well what did you expect by sleeping with another woman's husband? Sure you could contact this wife. Just have some Bactine handy for all those scratches you might wind up with all over your face.
Author Mino Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 Hey Bish, you sound like a man who got thrown under the bus by your ow, OR your wife cheated on you!!! ITS Both!!! in that order! ( read some of your post) HHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMM
pureinheart Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Thank you all for your reply. All of you are right. Here are my reasons for wanting to tell. First off, after all the lies and promise, after he seeing me suffer daily, asking pleading for truth, to come clean, he still lied. All the way yo today, he is manipulating and lying. I think I want him to pay for that in some way. Call it revenge if you like. I have suffered plenty. Second. Over the years, I find out he has had many one-night stands and several affairs. I know some of the women, We work with them. So I find out (over time) he is a serial cheater, and does this for fun, I guess. He, has been married over 10 years, he has had an affair, for every year he was married. I find out today, he bought his wife the same piece of jewelery that he bought me!!!! How TACKY is that? I have worn this piece because it was very special to me, now to find out she is wearing the same one....... I have over 1200 e-mails, pic, videos. I do not want to go over there to hurt her. I want her to know the truth. I want to find truth. AND I want closure. Oh I do relize that this is the end. I DO!!! After all I know now, even if he came now, I would not want him. He is a pathological, narristic lyer, I know she will stay in her marriage. She told somebody I know, she know where he is, and she does not care,as long as she has her lifestye. BUT, if she knew the whole truth, she would put fire under is@@@@. He needs to reize not all women keep there mouth shut. Not this one, He needs to relize this before he finds his next one to hurt. He cannot go around playing women, hurting them as he did me. I gave him my whole hurt, because he said trust me. She needs to know the character of her husband. So you see I have several reasons why I need to do this. Closure is what I need. He will not walk away, like I never excisted. I will not shut up. Thanks again for your input. and yes, I will let a few days go by, I will not face her in anger. only with my sincere apologies, and truth. Wow Mino...my heart goes out to you....many times I have been in the same situation....just wanted truth....I tell you many times I thought I would go mad. It drove me into doing things beyond reason. I understand your hurt and anger and I don't believe you are trying to seek revenge....you want justice....Mino, justice will be served....sometimes it's best to cut your loses and walk away saying nothing....I have done this many times in many different circumstances and have found God does a much better job.....take care Mino....
whichwayisup Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Mino, telling his wife then will do nothing. She knows he's a liar, a cheater and a pig. Hurting her or bursting her bubble won't make you feel any better, she has chosen to stay married to him for whatever reason, but sadly for you, those reasons aren't your business. Maybe she has someone on the side, maybe this is how their marriage works. It isn't up to you to come crashing in and tell her because your affair with MM has come to an end. You certainly didn't have any thoughts about having sex with him, you didn't stop him from coming over knowing his wife was in the hospital. Yes, he hurt you but I think you need to look at yourself, make your own closure about this and admit your part in it. It takes two to make an affair, a willing partner to say yes. So as much as the MM is selfish through all this, you helped him along. As I said above, make your own closure, get some therapy and just cut him out your life. The best revenge is to heal yourself, live happily and don't look back.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Mino, by this point he probably got her to back down by convincing her that you are a psycho delusional stalker who had "inappropriate" feelings for him. He has likely let her know that you are dangerous, unstable and not to be trusted - that you made up the relationship in your mind and he tried to be your friend, but you just took it too far. I know that isnt' the truth. You know that isnt' the truth. He knows that isnt' the truth - but what matters is that she is going to believe it, because it makes it easier for her to believe it. If you call her, she will likely not do much more than threaten you with a restraining order. Send her the proof if you must, but I can guarantee you that he will find a way to talk himself out of it.
Impudent Oyster Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I have been ow for 3 years, I have been lied to again by mm. ......... WTF!! I cant believe this, lies lies lies, and more lies. I am always amazed, no really, just AMAZED when an OW is surprised to find out a mm is a liar...HELLO, you knew that when you met him, you knew that when you started sleeping with him and you knew it when you fell in "love" with him. You knew what he was from the get-go and you went right ahead and got involved anyway. He's a liar, you knew it, so don't go acting like a victim. As far as telling the wife, sure, why not, if it makes you feel better, it's not like he doesn't deserve it. 1
Seen_It_All Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I am always amazed, no really, just AMAZED when an OW is surprised to find out a mm is a liar...HELLO, you knew that when you met him, you knew that when you started sleeping with him and you knew it when you fell in "love" with him.I so appreciate a voice of reason. I, too, am always amazed when an OW cries 'foul' after CHOOSING to involve herself with a cheating LIAR. Who cares what your reasons are for telling the wife - she deserves to know. Regardless of what your reasons for telling may be, that doesn't CHANGE the content of the information, does it? No, it doesn't. As others have said, this lying piece of stench has probably gaslighted his wife into thinking you're a stalker and a psycho. That's married man standard lie #1, straight from the Lying Cheater's Handbook for Dummies. Knowing he's been a lying cheating sack of sh*it for the whole 10 years of his marriage, why would you have WANTED this worthless piece of garbage ANYWAY?
bish Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 Hey Bish, you sound like a man who got thrown under the bus by your ow, OR your wife cheated on you!!! ITS Both!!! in that order! ( read some of your post) HHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMM I guess you just didn't want to see the hypocrisy in your statements did ya? You sleep with another woman's husband, but NOW it is YOU that are pissed. Its comical. And no, I've never had an OW and never will. Never cheated either. See I have something you don't. A sense of decency.
shellys-trying Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I have been ow for 3 years, I have been lied to again by mm. We had d day 4 months ago, He had moved out( 2 weeks) and wife actually came to my house. He ended up going home again, telling me he needed to sort things out and we will be together soon. Time has come, after 4 months of pure heLLL for me. Odd thing is she never checked up on him after she found out. Even though he was late every day( 4 hours) Why would she not check??? He now says, he still cant, still confussed. WTF!! I cant believe this, lies lies lies, and more lies. I am angry. I broke it off again, now i am so angry that he dances back into his life like nothing ever happened. I want to visit his wife. I dont think she know how long this went on, nor all the marriage promises that were made. I have lots of proof. I dont know if I should just show up at her door, or call first. At any rate I am going. Had enough, he should have consequences too!!! I know she will give him hell for months, he wont even be able to go the the bathroom with out asking. I also know he will never talk to me again, I am just PISSED I'd be careful going to W's house. She might take a 2x4 upside your head. Better know how the W is, by nature. You don't wanna go home picking splinters out of your jaw. If the xOW ever showed up at my house, I'd have knocked her teeth down her throat and called the law, pleading self defense. LOL
shellys-trying Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I so appreciate a voice of reason. I, too, am always amazed when an OW cries 'foul' after CHOOSING to involve herself with a cheating LIAR. Who cares what your reasons are for telling the wife - she deserves to know. Regardless of what your reasons for telling may be, that doesn't CHANGE the content of the information, does it? No, it doesn't. As others have said, this lying piece of stench has probably gaslighted his wife into thinking you're a stalker and a psycho. That's married man standard lie #1, straight from the Lying Cheater's Handbook for Dummies. Knowing he's been a lying cheating sack of sh*it for the whole 10 years of his marriage, why would you have WANTED this worthless piece of garbage ANYWAY? If a MM is willing to have sex with another woman besides his W, then he's aliar and a cheat. If a woman has sex with a MM, then she's a willing liar and cheat. Why should the OW get mad at the W? OW should be mad at herself and the MM and then move on. The only reason a let down OW wants to tell the BW is for her own selfish reasons, for revenge, and that's really all there is to it. It's not about helping the BW see what a jack ass she has for a H. it's about having the BW hurt just like the OW does.
vanilla chai Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I have been ow for 3 years, I have been lied to again by mm. We had d day 4 months ago, He had moved out( 2 weeks) and wife actually came to my house. He ended up going home again, telling me he needed to sort things out and we will be together soon. Time has come, after 4 months of pure heLLL for me. Odd thing is she never checked up on him after she found out. Even though he was late every day( 4 hours) Why would she not check??? He now says, he still cant, still confussed. WTF!! I cant believe this, lies lies lies, and more lies. I am angry. I broke it off again, now i am so angry that he dances back into his life like nothing ever happened. I want to visit his wife. I dont think she know how long this went on, nor all the marriage promises that were made. I have lots of proof. I dont know if I should just show up at her door, or call first. At any rate I am going. Had enough, he should have consequences too!!! I know she will give him hell for months, he wont even be able to go the the bathroom with out asking. I also know he will never talk to me again, I am just PISSED Why would you delibratly want to hurt this woman anymore than what she is already going through? What I can't understand is when you were sleeping with her husband you didn't want to tell,and now that he ain't doing what you want him to do you want to tell the wife.
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