the_Jason Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 I read these forums all the time, I love alot of the stuff people post and reply. Now it's my turn. So it all began last November when I was visiting colleges in Chicago and staying at a friends house that I have known for a very long time. I just found out he had a sister a couple months prier to that. So I was looking forward to meeting everyone. The day I got up there to visit I saw her. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life. I could go on and on about her. But thats for another day I suppose We talked, nothing real indepth because it was all of us in the same room. I'm the shy type anyways. Few days later I left. We both looked at each other with a smile right before I shut the door. Could it be? Could she really like me? Highly doubtful. I'll explain in a bit. On the drive home I felt something I have never felt before in my life. Love. My stomach was going crazy, all I could think about was her. Nothing else. But I also had alot of doubt. See, I used to be overweight. Enough for me to feel very unconfortable around...people. I was always very active as a child. Then one day I just stopped. Stopped going outside all the time. I wasn't depressed. I just didn't find the outside very important at the time. I had other things to do Anyways, she has helped me in so many ways throughout the year. I didn't loose weight FOR her. I lost it because of her. She made my brain click and realize I needed to grow up and start eatting better. And I did. I'm now 160, lost over 80 pounds. Can bench 175, run daily, eat a very good diet, and I feel good about myself. But I couldn't have done it without her. She talked me through the hard times. Because in every diet, alot of people wan't to quit. They just can't take it. I had a couple moments but she helped me through all of it. And I couldn't thank her enough. Thats one of the factors in why I had doubt even thinking she liked me. Another would be age. I'm 18, shes 22. I will admit I'm very mature for my age. Everyone says it. Graduated with a 4.0 in high school. And will be attending Chicago state. I'm very confident in my ability's to succeed in life. I never dated in high school. I found it a waste. 99% of all girls in highschool aren't in it for the long run. And when I do something, I think of the long run, the big picture. I guess I'm just weird like that. So silly young adolescent's weren't on my list of available dates. Thats why I'm more attracted to older women. That leads me to my other factor. Experience. I know she has dated before. I haven't. That's the only thing I regret about not dating in high school. I grew up in a very bad household. My step dad was very abusive to my mother. And alittle to me. So lets just say I know how NOT to treat a woman. So me, no experienced joe, 4 years younger, was overweight. Vs 4 years older, beautiful, dated before, and did I say beautiful? So heres my situation. I don't know what to do. I'm moving in a month. I visited a few weeks ago again and me and her had some one on one time. Alot... We had a blast together. I had so much fun. I didn't want to leave I was going to tell her how I felt. I was ready to take the risk. I had so much stuff to tell her. But while I was up there I decided not to. Three things can happen when I tell her my feelings. The good, she also feels the way I do and wants to step it up. The good, she wants to be just friends. That right there is most important to me. Yes I have these strong feelings for her. But if she just wants to be friends, I can respect that. My mother always told me to marry your best friend. ( see there I go again thinking ahead.... ). But to also keep that mentality when dating. Then the bad, she takes it the wrong way, hates me, never wants to speak to me, that then makes her brother hate me, and her parents as well. Which I have a very good relationship with them. Honestly I don't think that will happen. Shes very sweet. I'm posting here because I need help. After reading what do you think of the situtation? What should I do? I'm moving in one month and I'm planning on taking her out for dinner and telling her everything. But Should I? What should I say? I want to spoil her, I want to give her the world. But I dont know how to be a boyfriend. I'm new at this. I dont want to do something wrong and ruin everything...
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Instead of pouring out your heart completely, just tell her how much you appreicate having her in your life and that she means the world to you. By telling her this, it's not threatening and definately won't scare her off. It will make her feel good AND it kind of opens the door for her to say something. If she doesn't say much, then you have a wonderful friendship with someone. But, if that IS the case, then you gotta close your heart to her abit because it sucks to be inlove with someone, be around them and know you can't have them. I hope this helps.
Sand&Water Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 RE: Here is the truth about your situation, the_Jason. The way I, as a woman, view the scene. My Advice: Go to Chicago State. Move into your new place. Then take her out to dinner -one on one. Not a date, but rather a Thank You Dinner to show her how much you value the friendship, her guidance, and the amount of effort she has contributed to your success. Basically, show her that you appreciate her being there for you. Do not, I repeat, do not tell her how you feel. This is a bad idea at the moment. Why is it a bad idea? (1) In order for you to appear independent, manly, strong, and sufficient you will have to make it on your own. That means moving away and attending college. Enjoying the college life -without having a woman as your foundation/accelerator. That (the above) is attractive in a woman's eyes. You'll be growing and maturing on your own -and you definitely need that, since you are still 18 years old. (2) Telling her how you feel, especially right after such a major transformation, makes you appear as though you were plotting this from the very start. You have to give this friendship time to blossom. Right now, she probably views you as the "kid I helped get onto his feet and realize he's got so much potential" contrary to a potential partner. Wait a year or so until you have established and proven yourself. That way your success rate will be higher. Get involved in the college life -then sometime down the road, you can start flirting and asking her out. Don't kill the friendship. That is my take on it. A few thoughts to take into consideration. Sand&Water
Lucky555 Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Right now your her friend. I mean it depends, where is she at in her life? What are her plans and goals? You need to find out about those things first. She may say that shes just dating for the time being and having fun with it. You are still young and have a lot to learn. Believe me i wish there were MORE GUYS LIKE YOU! Give it a year, sand&water has really good advice. You could scare her off GO EXTREMELY SLOW! You want it to last, it takes time to "fall in love" when she sees you more and your so sweet and kind and everything she will more likely feel more comfortable and give you her heart. Thats what your seeking is for her to be open with you too. So this way you start small, just hanging out, going over for dinner, or inviting her for coffee sometime, or something like that. Haver her help you with something so she feels needed and feels good that she helped you. be confident, you sound like you are though. ALL women look for security and a man who can make decisions for himself. Like you don't have to have money just that you will be the type to get a job and so she could view the future better once you have done the previous steps of taking it slow. Don't make a move on her until your your second date. This is after a couple months of being there and talking with her. I have said enough for now. lol good luck!
Author the_Jason Posted June 16, 2007 Author Posted June 16, 2007 Thanks you three for the help. I will be taking it all to heart. I can relax alittle now!
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