confused527 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 Im a little confused right now and any advice would be great. Ive been dating this guy for about 5 months. When we started dating I mentioned that I was more of a casual dater i.e. nothing to serious but 5 months for me is a LONG time. Now Im the one who wants the label "girlfriend" and Im not used to that. How do I have the talk? I dont want to scare him off and everytime when talk serious he says that I shouldnt do anything that makes me uncomfortable.......so is he waiting for me to make the move or is he happy the way things are??? I need help please........
fray718 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 I usually say to wait for the guy to initiate but since u said 'casual dating' early on and also since its been 5 months, i'd say to go ahead and ask him. BUT do it in a positive and confident way and not in a way where u r like 'um, ok where is this going?'....say it with a smile that u enjoy spending time with him and you think it will be great if u two are an official couple and then ask him what he thinks.... BUT i also have a question to add to this thread....I mean is it actually possible to avoid the talk altogether? ie perhaps the girl can just start calling him her bf to others...i think if he loves u he will be very happy with it and if not, well then there's ur answer, he aint for u anyway right? Is that an ok approach? Somehow if i think that way I start calling a guy i date for just a month as my bf to others even if its not official...i dont say it to his face but i call him my bf to others....cuz somehow it makes me happier lol...like i have less anxiety over it....sometimes u can just think it really is only a label and i think after 5 months of dating esp i dont see why u cant just start slowly throwing it around...i mean go with the flow and if its meant to work out it will....but i can be dead wrong....thoughts from others?
fray718 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 sorry to be filing this thread up but one more thing...whats more important than him calling u his gf is whether he TREATS u like one!! Actions speak louder than words....cuz i know some guys just assume u are his gf and they dont even ask. I mean I used to be like that and assume a guy is my bf and it just makes things easier for me...
Author confused527 Posted June 15, 2007 Author Posted June 15, 2007 Thats funny that you say that.......because at work everyone refers to him as my boyfriend and I dont really correct them. Your right though when and if I say something I dont want to sound as insecure as Im feeling. Im not use to this crap....lol. I just guess I want to know that Im not the only one in this for the long haul.
Green Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 so has he been banging other women up untill this point. If went out on a date with some hot chicks before you have this talk would it be ok.
Author confused527 Posted June 15, 2007 Author Posted June 15, 2007 Nope no sex with other women, I mentioned me going out with someone else and he said he'd be disappointed
Trialbyfire Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Why not inject some humour, then round it out to serious. "You're hawt boy, what say you and me go steady, huh?" wink, wink or whatever rendition of sassiness the two of you normally indulge in.
nicki Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 I'd just assume a guy I was sleeping with was my boyfriend. I agree with everyone who has already posted. Assume he's your man. Introduce him as your boyfriend and see how he reacts. Joke around with him about it. And, talk to him about it, especially if you think he might go out on a date with someone else. Personally, I don't care much for the "I'd be disappointed if you went out with someone else." That makes me think he is thinking that there is a possibility of it(?????) I'd prefer him to respond "What? NO WAY!" (or some caveman variation of dragging you by the hair back to the cave.... "You my woman." ) So, maybe try all three methods. Assume, joke, talk to him and lay out your expectations. 5 months is plenty long to make sure things are as you think they are, or how you want them to be!
Green Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 well if you had a talk about not going out with other people then I guess you are going steady or what ever which is more important then title such as gf and bf, I mean the olden days people went from not even knowing each other to a short engagement then mariage...
Timberlane Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Tell him "I know I was looking at this as being more casual, but it's become more than that to me now." Then look at his reaction. "Would you mind if I called you my boyfriend?" That should reveal what you want to know. I think he would be flattered if you asked that question.
Recommended Posts