Everything wonderful with bf, now doesn't know what he wants!

[Northern Girl]

Hello everyone...

 

I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for a little over a year now. We are both in our 40's, both divorced three years before meeting. Our relationship has been perfect, no fighting, no abuse, just the normal kind of relationship "issues" than anyone has.

 

He has one daughter, and I have a son and daughter... ages 13, 12 & 9. He would always give me special cards with "all the right words" as he would say... telling me he wanted me forever. He would send me flowers on occasion "just because"... and we spent as much time together as our schedules would allow.

 

For the past couple months there have been no more cards, flowers, doing "little things" around my house to help, etc. Of course, being a woman, I start to feel there is "something wrong". We have also been talking about building a house big enough for all of us as either of our homes are big enough. This talk became less and less on his part as well.

 

Out of the blue, he tells me that now he does not know what he wants. He does not want a big family and does not want to get married. He says he DID want it all.... but not anymore. He says he still loves me and misses me everyday. We have not seen each other in five days, but talk about it everyday on the phone.

 

He has appologized for hurting me and is very sorry this happened. What happened??????

 

Is he scared? What do I do??? I do not call him, and let him initiate the contact. I asked if he felt I was pushing him into a "future", and he said no.

 

I have made it very clear that I do not want to be in a relationship long term that will never go anywhere. I'm too old for that...

 

I am so hurt, just reeling from the shock of having everything I thought was my life and my future ripped away so suddenly. I love him with all my heart.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Has another woman come into the picture? That is usually the reason that men suddenly 'don't know what they want'.

[Touche]

I agree. It may be he found someone else. I'm so sorry, you're going through this. I agree with your giving him a wide berth right now. Perhaps, it's nothing more than temporary cold feet. Give him his space and see if he comes back around. Otherwise, there's not much more you can do.

 

It's better to find out he doesn't want a real commitment now then later though, if that's any comfort.

 

I wish you the best.

[sb129]

Oh NorthernGirl, I really feel for you, you must be so hurt!

 

So sorry you are feeling this way. I would be feeling exactly the same way.

 

As much as it hurts, I think limited contact is best at this time.

 

Pressuring him will only make him withdraw further.

 

I sincerely hope that he doesn't have another woman, and it is just cold feet, although at his age he should be too old for cold feet.!!!

 

Look after yourself, and let us know how things get on.

There is always someone here for you, whatever the outcome of your R may be.