Divorce prep ideas needed

[njbeachlover]

Found this site today and had to join and ask for help. Married 15 yrs, 3 kids, nice house, jobs, etc. The last 2 yrs have been a loveless, sexless marriage. She agreed to couples counseling for a time, but didn't follow the advice of the therapist and stopped after 4-5 sessions. My wife asked repeatedly for a divorce, I refused, saying (1) I believe in the wedding vows and (2) I feel it will destroy our kids [two of whom having learning disabilities]. I'm a heavily invovled father, been faithfull to the marriage, no drugs/gambling/violence/drunkeness, etc. Despite the marriage problems, we maintained the traditional appearing family.

 

Two months ago my 41-yr old wife suddenly begain going out nearly every Fri and Sat night with her young coworkers. I said I understood the idea of an occasional happy hour, but didn't think hitting dance clubs until 3 am was appropriate. She denied anything was going on. Eventually my fears came true. She's now seeing a guy every Saturday night, sleeping over his place (she claims she's staying at a coworkers place.) I've not let her know all the details I've learned so far, but did confront her and pleaded w/her to stop for the sake of the family. She denied everything, even put her hand on the Bible and swore on the lives of 3 kids she wasn't seeing anyone. That's when I knew I had to take steps for a divorce.

 

I'm a mess, can't focus at work, my stomach pain has me doubled over 3-4 times a day.

 

I met with an attorney who said in order to get a fault divorce, I'd need to have stong evidence of intimate contact. PLEASE SHARE ANY ADVICE YOU CAN ABOUT YOU'VE DONE TO PROVE A SPOURCE CHEATING IN A COURT OF LAW.

 

I'm sure I'll be back on this site to ask for help on other topics, but this is my pressing need as of now.

 

Thanks.

[HerrJ]

I'm in a no-fault divorce state, so don't know if any of this will help. However, this is how I collected info in my own situation:

 

1. Cell phone logs - checked for excessive repeated numbers that were unfamiliar.

 

2. Installed a keylogger on our computer. This is a program that will record every keystroke made on your computer. It runs in the background and you can check the logs whenever.

 

3. Considered hiring a PI, but ultimately did not. I felt like it would be a waste of money, and I didn't need to prove anything because of the no-fault.

 

Ask your attorney for suggestions. How strong does the evidence need to be?

 

Good luck with everything. I was in your situation last summer. Had the same stomach/concentration problems and ended up losing about 25 pounds in 6 weeks. It gets easier as time goes by. Try to get a good amount of sleep, eat healthy, and excerise/stay active - all that helped me a lot.

[Gunny376]

As stated cell phone logs ~ you can get them from the phone company, and over the internet.

 

Wire tapping is illegal for the government to do ~ laws vary from state to state. For example here in Alabama its not illegal for you record coversations held over a phone in your name. Some state require that if you do use a recording device that it provides an audiable beep ever fifteen seconds or so.

 

Use a VOX hand held recorder that uses micro tapes. A VOX is a voice actiavated hand held tape recorder that is activated only when someone speaks ~ however if used in a car ~ the noise from the car can activate it.

 

GPS trackers are available. There about the size of the palm of your hand, and have a magnetic backing and can be placed on the underside of the car, and you can track where they're going (real time) and where they're going via computer.

 

There's a slew of small almost invisiable video recorders that can be had. If you go to "Cheater's.com" you can find them there.

 

You're best bet would be to get contact a lab that can do a DNA analysis of underwear and panty liners. Send in a sample along with your own sample (for comparrisson sake to eliminate you). Its 99.99% accurate. You'll see some discussion of this up in the "Infedility" fourmn.''

 

Of course the "key-logger" program installed on the home computer and her laptop if she has one. The one at work if you've have access.

 

The show "Cheaters" is still on the air ~ might want to give them a call.

 

You can also "set her up" and bust her, but you've got to be strategic and tactical (think macro and micro ~ at the same time) Become your own PI.

 

With all that said ~ if and when you do bust her ~ your going to become one hugh royal SOB. Don't expect any justification! Any validation. She's going to turn it on you and make you out to be one sorry, lying, cheating sorry SOB. So you need to brace yourself for that! Remember, when men cheat on their wives ~ its their fault, when (some) cheating women cheat on their husbands its still their fault. Don't buy into that game.

 

I assume the need for all of this is that your going for full custody of the children ~ good for you ~ its BS that men can't be loving, giving, and nuturing parents. I was you seventeen years ago ~ but becuase I was so deeply wrapped in my carrer in the Marines, had just gotten back from the first Gulf war ~ there's wasn't any freanking way I was going to get custody, short of her just lying down.

 

Be aware there is a per centage of women that cheat that not only want to replace you as their husband ~ but as the father of your children. Not all ~ but they're out there. They not only want you gone ~ but want you gone!

[sumdude]

From what I've heard it varies from jurisdiction. You pretty much need an x-rated photo in some cases. In others consistant time and opportunity might work. Being your own PI can be very dangerous ... might get you a restraining order and totally blow up what you are trying to accomplish. Last thing you want to do is give her ANY reason you shouldn't have custody. Hire a pro if you go that route, they'll know what is and isn't legal and have experience. Your lawyer will know the system and judges in your area best. Also get a second opinion, get a consultation with another lawyer. Always good to have two angles.

[Lynna]

There is an infidelity forum here at LS, they might have some ideas too.

[njbeachlover]

Yes, I will be seeking custody of the kids, and understand this will be a tough fight. My wife literally sneaked out of the house the last three nights, leaving my kids in tears.

 

I've researched the hidden GPS devices and plan to buy one today. Also used a trusted source to recommend a PI. Her cell is in my name, but she has a password for internet viewing. When the time comes, I can get all the phone records, but she will know I had the PW changed, so I'm saving that for now.

 

I apprecaite the support.