bish Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Wow so ok get this...yesterday my MM brought his son into work with him...and I brought mine. They have played together a few times before in the office. You want to be the OW and he wants to cheat on his wife, then whatever. You should keep the kids away from the wrong that you are both doing. That is wrong to have his kid in your presence.
sadbuttrue Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 btdt, even though we are aware that R's with MM are hidden for the most part, it would still hurt to hear it out loud that you are no more than a secretary. whether that is truly how he felt or not, to hear it come out of his mouth, it would hurt.
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Anyway, we ended up taking them to the park on lunch...was nice but I am at the point in this R where I can't just enjoy it being nice without thinking yea but it's not real, I'm in a bubble and I want it so bad. I am starting to ruin all the nice moments this way. So the big ouch is coming...sorry...MM had some clients in the morning and they saw the kids and me by him and said oh is this your family? I felt incredibly warm inside for the briefest of seconds until I hear MM say "no, this one is mine and this is our SECRETARY and her son" See, the incredibly warm feeling she had inside, surrounded by the MM and the kids, a fantasy -This could be "us" moment was ruined by MM by giving her the reality check that she needed. Sure, it hurt, but the reality is, this guy isn't leaving his wife. She's hurting herself by allowing the fantasy to continue, allowing herself to fall for MM more and more.
BenThereDunThat Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Well, then, all I can say is that if that kind of comment so easily hurts you, you have no business being involved with a married man. I'm not being judgmental (ok, I guess I am), I've been there. Albeit briefly. If you're gonna choose to continue to be an OW (and it IS a choice) then you'd better toughen up. Because those kinds of comments come with the territory. He will never hold you up on a pedestal. Ever. No matter how much you try and fool yourself into thinking otherwise. He might make you feel like he's putting you on a pedestal, but that's only behind closed doors and only to you. Not to the outside world.
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 btdt, even though we are aware that R's with MM are hidden for the most part, it would still hurt to hear it out loud that you are no more than a secretary. whether that is truly how he felt or not, to hear it come out of his mouth, it would hurt. The guy panicked and secretary popped into head! Also, these days secretary isn't secretary like in the past. Don't know many companies that have secretary's who just answer phones and file their nails...Secretary's aka office managers aka assisstants DO alot more as most companies these days need their employees to do 100 things at once.
Onelife Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Well, I have been lurking too, however this one got to me. Lost, I am sorry you were put in that position, the reality of it sucks. I have had to go through my share of reminders too, most of us have! Whether others think you put yourself there and are responsible and should be accountable, it does not really matter. It is just another reminder of the dynamics you are in. However, sometimes we need to have reality stare us down and I think you made an insightful statement when you said you just need to walk away from this. It really does say it all, and yeah, you don't deserve this, you are better than that. You can change your reality if you really want to! The reason why I really wanted to post was that as I was reading this I was thinking in my head what a relief I don't have to go through what you are going through anymore. I have had my share, the pain has been dealt with and it gets better, easier. I can honestly say I have a much less lighter load not having to deal with XMM anymore! Not that I am bragging or rubbing it, it is just the reality of it. It's all painful, but it can get better. I wish the best for you in whatever you decide to do! Best kymberann, thank you for sharing your thought. I don't think you are bragging or rubbing it at all. Actually it's great to hear what you just said because it gives me an inspiration to keep on doing what I do. I want to be able to look back and say that "gosh I am glad I don't have to go through that again!" too. Must be such a relief!
pureinheart Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 I really understand how you feel Lost....ya my fantacy was always brought back to reality when a co-worker would bring up his W (we worked together also)....strange though, he never brought her up to others as he really didn't care about keeping up a "front" at work....everybody knew....also he never said a bad word to me concerning her, there was only one person that he confided in concerning his anger towards her.....
Impudent Oyster Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 btdt, she has a right to be offended that he called her a secretary if that is how she feels. even though she knows he can not publicly proclaim his love for her, she is hurt. cant you understand that? Actually, I can't. It doesn't seem nearly as offensive to me to be called a secretary as it is to be kept someone's dirty little secret, but I'm no OW.
Impudent Oyster Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 You want to be the OW and he wants to cheat on his wife, then whatever. You should keep the kids away from the wrong that you are both doing. That is wrong to have his kid in your presence. Agree, keep the kids OUT OF IT. If I found out the OW was anywhere near my children she would be toast. If you want to let this guy use you as a side-screw that's your prerogative, but don't you dare try to impose yourself on his children.
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