my body is a cage Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 For background info, I hooked up with my ex FWB who I still have feelings for shortly after he got a new girlfriend. Although sometimes he is very sweet, he has also been a complete ******* to me lately. More background information is in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t120352/ To make matters worse, a girl attacked me and called me a slut who, '****s other peoples boyfriends because theyre jealous.' I defended myself and said, I wasn't jealous, and why am I getting the blame instead of the boyfriend? She apologized, and basically we made a plan to tell the girlfriend about what has been going on. Initially I was partially motivated to tell the girlfriend out of anger and desire for revenge at how he hurt me and made me feel worthless. I also knew that she didnt deserve this. However, now that I told her I feel teeerrible. I feel so bad for this girl, and I don't know why, because he has put me through similiar pain and worse. I really hope I'm doing the right thing by getting involved and letting her know. He is probably going to hate me once he figures out I am involved, which he probably will somehow. Here is an exchange of the messages first between me and her good friend: Me: Hey, don't worry about the name calling, Girlfriend's your friend and I did do something ****ty. She's a really cool girl, and she does deserves to know, and moreover deserves someone better than Ex FWB. I feel bad about the situation, and have wanted to tell her many times, but when Ex FWB told everyone (after making me swear to secrecy?) I got yelled at and called a jealous scheming bitch trying to break them up by doing this and then plotting to tell her, and basically threatened into not opening my mouth. I wasn’t jealous OR scheming, I just still kind of liked him (definitely not to the extent people think I did, and I wasn't jealous because I KNEW he’s not someone to want a relationship with), he convinced me he didn’t care about Girlfriend, and after a lot of persuasion I gave in and hooked up with him, which WAS a big mistake. Either way, telling her would be the RIGHT thing to do, not the jealous scheming thing to do. Gilbert also later told me she already knew but I guess he was trying to make sure I didn't tell her. A few weeks later, my friend from camp (Suzie) came and visited, got completely drunk, and Ex FWB hooked up with her too. He asked me for her number multiple times and said he actually liked her, but she knew about his character and completely blew him off. According to Carlos there have been others in between as well? I know if I'm involved in this personally it will just create a lot of drama and not accomplish anything. Everyone will say not to believe me because I'm 'making it up', or something to that extent, so I don't want to be directly involved in this situation because it will mess everything up, for sure. I’m pretty much powerless. But something does have to be done, Girlfriend doesn’t deserve this. Friend: 2:30pm June 12th Before she dated Ex FWB she was one of my best friends. I don't like who she is now. I told her numerous amounts of times that he cheated on her ( I didn't input names though) and she thinks its a rumor. Its like shes SO stuck on him and not getting hurt she just doesn't believe reality. I know Ex FWB is like that. And I appreciate you telling me this whole ****ed up story of Ex FWB and his whore-like behavior. Its ridiculous since Girlfriend lost her virginity to him.(if you didn't know please don't tell!) And I told her "Don't do it with him, not Ex FWB, wait for someone better" I've warned her and warned her about all this ****. But even though she knows I've expierenced ALL this kind of drama first hand, my input means nothing. Don't worry about all of those *******s trying to silence you. If you don't want to tell Girlfriend I will for you. But I won't mention you told me or whatever else you'd like me to withold. Tell me what you want to do. I got your back. This **** is ****ed up. And even though Girlfriend and I speak very infrequently now, I'll tell her if you want. *** So she told her, and then the girlfriend sent me this message. Girlfriend: hey, nicole told me about what happened or whats been happening or however we feel like describing it. id already heard about it from my other friends too but i wasnt sure what to think. im not mad at you or at suzie or whoever else, believe me, the only person im pissed at is ex FWB and there's nooo way he's going to find out that you told me because i know how they are and i understand that they were bitches to you about not telling me, so dont worry about it, but i really really need to know what he said, if you remember, that convinced you he didnt care about me. Me: Today at 12:19am :-[[ damn this really sucks, i feel terrible having to explain this, please read it all the way through im sooo sorry about everything we only hooked up once, it was not an ongoing thing it was right in the beginning of the you guys going out he said not to consider you guys going out because he didnt ask you out in fact, it was mostly carlos now that i think of it but ex FWB didnt agree or disagree, which is how he does with carlos talking **** but carlos said i dont care about this girl, ex FWB doesnt care about this girl, why should you care about this girl? i said something like thats not the point of going out with poeple, you cant have your cake and eat it too blah blah blah he said something like i was close to not going out with her HOWEVER after that one incident he did not say anything other than that he liked and cared about you carlos would always make references to me and him, because hes a douche, and ex FWB would be like nah i have a girlfriend that i actually like he said he regretted cheating on you im not saying he doesnt care about you, he convinced me of that in the moment of one action, but after that he never said it again but even though he does care about you a lot in his own way, you deserve better that this! however, the thing that pisses me off is that after this big stink, he kept doing ****ty things im not exactly sure what happened with Nicole, but she said at a hotel they all got really drunk and she doesn’t remember what happened but she knows her shirt was off at one point? and after that he hooked up with my camp friend suzie, which is sooo random and unnecessary, and after that he had the nerve to keep asking me for her number, and saying how he really liked her to the point where i blew up at him and bitched him out, which is why they were all excluding me from parties and started talking mad **** and all of that i dont know. this is what ive been seeing from my side and i really hope this perspective helps. i feel soooo bad about this whole situation, i really want to help you in any way possible. its really hard for me to write this because i dont like writing things i know are really going to upset someone if they find out that i told you its going to be a lot of drama for both of us, but at this point i dont know if i care. as a whole, this group of kids are bad news, and they really dont respect girls. when i dont chill with them, like tonight, i find myself enjoying myself a lot more and wondering why i ever subject myself to such *******s. im REALLY sorry about my involvement in any unhappiness for you. i really think youre a really cool girl and you dont deserve any of this, you deserve a guy whos actions would reflect his feelings. if you need anything from me, let me know Me: Today at 12:20am oh and ps i hope i made it clear that both ex FWB and i knew it was a big mistake to hookup while you were going out, he wasnt the only one who regretted it and saw it as a big mistake; i did too. whats not fair is that he thinks he can do anything and get away with it. *** I FEEEL sooo bad. Plus, this entire group hated me before and now theyre REALLY going to hate me. Did I do the right thing here?
jcster Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 You know, I think I commented on your original thread that you are addicted to the drama of this relationship. This post proves it. I have no other advice to give other than: 1. don't screw around with other people's boyfriends/husbands 2. if #1 fails - Don't contact the other party and rub their noses in it. 3. repeat until #1 becomes an actual policy. Best of luck.
serial muse Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 hm, i disagree with jcster actually. i don't think telling her is necessarily about rubbing someone's nose in it. in this case, i think it totally is a public service announcement. i do think you've got some addiction to the drama this crowd brings, but it seems like you've got one foot out the door and into "rehab", and i hope you'll just keep on walking now. i read your other thread and commented over there a while back that i think that whole group is horribly bad for you and your self-esteem. so who cares if they hate you or not now? as has been demonstrated time and time again, they are very poor judges of character and their opinions don't amount to a hill of beans. you told this girl what's going on - good. she deserves to know. particularly because this guy's a complete skank and is likely to give her all sorts of diseases at some point (something for you to think about too). so she needs to know. if she decides to stay with him anyway, though, you've done your part and need to butt out. so here's what i hope: now that you've done your duty, please leave that whole group to their own devices, and go on your merry way. your work here is done, and as you yourself noted, you're happier without them. that's not an accident - i think you're quite right to say they don't treat women well. screw carlos (your friend who liked you??), screw the FWB, screw them all, and please, for your own sanity, move on. if you don't, then i think you should think quite seriously about jcster's comment. drama is addictive, but it eats you up. this drama is not good for you.
Author my body is a cage Posted June 14, 2007 Author Posted June 14, 2007 hm, i disagree with jcster actually. i don't think telling her is necessarily about rubbing someone's nose in it. in this case, i think it totally is a public service announcement. i do think you've got some addiction to the drama this crowd brings, but it seems like you've got one foot out the door and into "rehab", and i hope you'll just keep on walking now. i read your other thread and commented over there a while back that i think that whole group is horribly bad for you and your self-esteem. so who cares if they hate you or not now? as has been demonstrated time and time again, they are very poor judges of character and their opinions don't amount to a hill of beans. you told this girl what's going on - good. she deserves to know. particularly because this guy's a complete skank and is likely to give her all sorts of diseases at some point (something for you to think about too). so she needs to know. if she decides to stay with him anyway, though, you've done your part and need to butt out. so here's what i hope: now that you've done your duty, please leave that whole group to their own devices, and go on your merry way. your work here is done, and as you yourself noted, you're happier without them. that's not an accident - i think you're quite right to say they don't treat women well. screw carlos (your friend who liked you??), screw the FWB, screw them all, and please, for your own sanity, move on. if you don't, then i think you should think quite seriously about jcster's comment. drama is addictive, but it eats you up. this drama is not good for you. thank you. im really glad you think i did the right thing; i really dont want drama. im thinking maybe i should have just stepped out and let it all unfold as it would without me, but youre right that if they start hating me, its better, because then they wont call me and i wont be tempted to chill with them. FWB called me today and asked me to come over during my lunch break, i said i couldnt because i was meeting my friend for lunch, he said bring her too ill cook you guys a meal! i said no i cant and he said why not? i really want to see you and i said NO i cant i dont have time she cant im sorry bye see you later which was hard but im glad that i did it then he called me later today and i didnt ansewr he doesnt know that his girlfriend knows yet and he doesnt know that i was involved. and whoops, i totally meant to go through and change everyones name, forgot carlos was involved...
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