Zankon Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I m gonna sum it up quick. My ex and I broke up last feb. we lived together for 9 months.I was the dumper. I knew I couldnt waste her time any longer as she wanted marriage and all but I couldnt see her as my wife. Met few times, tried the friends thing... in vain. NC for 2 months. last week she asked me to send her things she had left here. I did. the conv ended by her saying she feels lonely but happy after all. she sent me 'I wish you all the happiness' probably 4 or 5 times. Today I texted her to tell her to change her address with all the institution since I m still getting her bank statements and all. She replied and the conv escalated from there to what are you doing to she's dating someone. I dont want to analyze if this is a lie or what she said last week was a lie. What I m concerned about is why did I feel a pinch in my heart. It's a stingy feeling... I dont want her back, I dont feel jealous but my heart just stings... why? it makes no sense! Could you help explain this feeling?
norajane Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 You don't want her, but you don't want anyone else to have her. It's a common feeling. It's not love, it's possessiveness - you got used to thinking of her as 'yours' if you want her. Now she's moving on, you realize that she's not 'yours' - she's not there for you anymore, she's not there for you if you change your mind. It's the FINALITY of it that's making you twinge a little. It will pass...unless, of course, if you really do want her back, or had any doubts about breaking up. You could also feel that if you're having trouble meeting other women to date. Kinda like, how come she's able to find someone else when you can't? You might be jealous of her ability to find someone else, though not jealous of him being with her.
passionpeach Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 I definitely agree with norajane. It happened to me a lot of times before with my exes. I knew I did not want them back and that a relationship with them will be in vain but I still feel possessive when I see them with other girls. I get butterflies in my stomach when I see their pictures online with someone new. I know that it's not love though. So what I did was to convince myself that they are not mine anymore and that it is just fair that we all move on.
Author Zankon Posted June 14, 2007 Author Posted June 14, 2007 Yeah those butterflies... weird feeling. today I was ok with it... i thought it would last longer but 24 hrs did it. I m sure I ll feel them again sometime but as norajones and you said, it's normal. Passionpeach, did you have those butterflies although you were dating someone else or you were still single?
Outofluck Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Zankon, I went through the exact same thing. My ex and I broke up over a year ago but remained in contact. She actively pursued me but I knew that I didn't want to be with her, so I never did. I hadn't dated anyone during that year for personal reasons and never asked her about it. I found out a few months ago that she was dating someone new and I began to question my judgement..probably what you are doing now. I think that it was definitely the finality of it which did me in. I don't have many friends and would have loved to be her friend (new relationship or not) but the phone calls eventually stopped. Its always hard to see someone who you considered "yours" for so long, happy with someone else. I though that I was hearbroken for a while but I eventually realized that I was not alone and that these feelings are normal. It gets better everyday, I can tell you that and I am almost at a point now where the relationship is so far in the past that I feel silly for having those butterflies...it'll get better every day..promise.
Author Zankon Posted June 15, 2007 Author Posted June 15, 2007 Thanks so much for sharing your story. I m not planning to stay single for long, but I m giving myself time to heal from this burden because I dont wanna drag my new better half into a swirl of crap (this relationship was really lots of work). The butterflies went away after 5 miles of inline skating and a good night of sleep. What I thought about just now is it's amazing how she was texting me nice msg and hoping we'll at least keep friendship and when she said she's dating someone, her attitude flipped 180deg and she became rude and said she wanted to keep our contacts business like only. I told her I respect the other man's territory and I asked her to stop contacting me all together.she wrote back 'whatever'. I dont know what s going through her head, for me it's just another one bites the dust.
Outofluck Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 I totally agree with you...they are always freindly until another one comes along. That pisses me off more than anything. In my situation, I think that she is just glad that she is finally over me. I'm pretty sure that we won't ever talk again as we have no common friends and don't work together or even live in the same part of town..I say the same thing as you..whatever, on to bigger and better things.
Author Zankon Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 i was online she sent me an IM. i responded. talks escalated to I m very happy with my new man and he honestly makes me happy (by the way I did not ask her about him). With him I can just be myself and not worry about anything. With you i had to pretend I was someone else to please you..." blablabla "you pushed me away and made me feel miserable" blablabla. I told her I was sorry you felt as such and i cant explain why.. maybe your insecurities were haunting you. I said she can always contact me if she needed help or anything, my email is always open. she said no, I dont wanna keep your hopes up. I said I think you misunderstood; we're not getting back together no matter what. It was my decision we broke up and I m sticking to it. But because I cherished our friendship, my arms are always open when in need. but out of respect always let your man know you talked to me. she replied 'ok whatever, bye'. then signed off. sometimes women just confuse me.
Pixie-Minx Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 u have to be dumb to not figure this one out..........she wants to see if your jelous!! and your not.....so she is hurt. She wants you not your friendship, unless u realise you do really want her do her a favour and cut contact. otherwise she will never get over you.
Pixie-Minx Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 u have to be dumb to not figure this one out..........she wants to see if your jelous!! and your not.....so she is hurt. She wants you not your friendship, unless u realise you do really want her do her a favour and cut contact. otherwise she will never get over you.
Outofluck Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 Yeah, I totally agree. She contacted you..then told you about how great this new guy is..c'mon. She is totally trying to get to you. You have to stay cool in those situations..it'll drive 'em nuts (not that you are trying to drive her nuts.) Deep down she wants you to say that you wished you didn't break up with her. Good move on your part.
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