Og fool Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I felt I needed to email you since things seem a lot weird and keep getting that way by the minute. First, we are getting a divorce bottom line. I know you had asked for a few more weeks to work on you, but that is not what I want or need. It is something that is good for you to do and possibly need, however, it does not change the way I feel about being married to you or at all in general about being married. I have to ask that you keep that in mind since it seems you slip into "denial mode" quite often. Sort of "if we don't talk about it, maybe it will go away type of thing"...it is not going away. I am not saying we have to talk about it everyday or anything but I do want us both to be the right frame of mind. I hope that is reasonable. I am really sorry how this hurts, I am hurting too. But I am going to completely lose it if I stay married. I simply cannot handle it. As I have explained before, there is no one else in my life nor do I want that either. And I am beyond having children at this point. I know you have plans at the Vinoy and that we have to live in this house until it burns down, but I am willing to void all of that if it makes it easier - for both. Not so sure how I can burn the house down but I feel the more I do with you ie. birthday plans, getting another dog etc. the more it leads you to believe we are not getting divorced. I do not know how to be any clearer that we are. If you do not want to go to eat tonight, let me know. Luv me! I am too tired trying to make this work anymore, so glad all you people were right.
jmargel Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Don't goto dinner with her tonight, like I said she is playing you like a puppet. She has major control issues. What really gets me is that last part 'Luv me!'. I don't know what she is trying to do. Almost like she doesn't want to be married yet she still wants you along. I think it has to do with her not wanting you to find someone else. She doesn't want to be with you in the long-run, but she wants to allow herself a clean conscious on what she is doing as well. I keep telling you, you need to start showing tough love. Quit all the contact with her, stop going out and doing the things you have with her when she has this mentality of still wanting a divorce. She will find that the problem lies deep within her, not the marriage part itself. However that is something you CAN'T tell her or show her. You can write it in big bold letters but she won't understand until she finds this out herself. Kind of like an alcoholic or a druggie. Sounds to me she might have depression and that's something she either doesn't comprehend or wants to admit. It's much easier laying the blame on everything and everyone else. Don't respond to the email, don't respond to her phone calls tonight. Let her start to wonder/worry about you. Let her realize that a divorce means life WITHOUT you. This is something you need to do for yourself as well. You are torturing yourself by giving yourself a false-sense of security here. You are better than this and now is the time to move on.
a4a Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 It is obvious she wants a divorce. So don't work on the M, just yourself. Do you understand that she truly means she wants a divorce when she says she wants a divorce. I don't think she was being cruel really... but is attempting to make it crystal clear that she wants to move on without you. So believe it and start to move on yourself. Again I don't see any reason to have to be nasty about it. I see no reason to play games. It is over and move on in a positive manner.
sumdude Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 She sounds exactly like my STBX ... it's over. Now move on ... it won't be easy per se but the sooner you admit .. really admit to yourself that she's done with you then the sooner you'll get through it. Stop doing things with her, stop talking to her and start acting as a single man. Find those old single man program disks in your head and load 'em up.
michael's_pain Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 She may not have "trying" to be cruel, but writing an e mail that says the marriage is in the toilet and signing it "luv, me" is ridiculous. Dear Hubby, it's over, so maybe we shouldn't go out and try and make it nice, but I still love you." What a pile of sh*t! I agree with a4a. No need to be nasty. But there is a REAL need to be ambivalent, detatched, and dispassionate. Every conversation I am forced to have with my STBXW is monotone, emotionally distant and logical. She may still "luv" me, and I may still care for her as a human, but I am DONE with the emotional push-me-pull-you crap. Where's Gunny when you need him? MAN UP!!!:laugh:
Woggle Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 What did I tell you when I said it was over? Just file so you can divorce and move on with your life. Just remember it is not your fault and don't blame yourself. Whatever reasons she has are hers and hers alone. There is so much more to life than this woman.
Gunny376 Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 I felt I needed to email you since things seem a lot weird and keep getting that way by the minute. First, we are getting a divorce bottom line. I know you had asked for a few more weeks to work on you, but that is not what I want or need. It is something that is good for you to do and possibly need, however, it does not change the way I feel about being married to you or at all in general about being married. I have to ask that you keep that in mind since it seems you slip into "denial mode" quite often. Sort of "if we don't talk about it, maybe it will go away type of thing"...it is not going away. I am not saying we have to talk about it everyday or anything but I do want us both to be the right frame of mind. I hope that is reasonable. I am really sorry how this hurts, I am hurting too. But I am going to completely lose it if I stay married. I simply cannot handle it. As I have explained before, there is no one else in my life nor do I want that either. And I am beyond having children at this point. I know you have plans at the Vinoy and that we have to live in this house until it burns down, but I am willing to void all of that if it makes it easier - for both. Not so sure how I can burn the house down but I feel the more I do with you ie. birthday plans, getting another dog etc. the more it leads you to believe we are not getting divorced. I do not know how to be any clearer that we are. If you do not want to go to eat tonight, let me know. Luv me! I am too tired trying to make this work anymore, so glad all you people were right. Zara26's attitude in one of her post on her thread says it all: ANYWAY.... You know what Gunny ~~? In all honesty ~~? When all of this is over, and I divorce HIM theres not a snowballs chance in hell that I am gonna keel over and let this ruin me. I'll be finding me a better man than he ever was I've throught alot over the last 24 hours, and even though this is all still very new, and I'm a little confused about it all, i'm still rational - I'm not drunk, on drugs, depressed or anything like that. I've decided that I'm going to give him EXACTLY what he wants. I dont care whether he changes his mind now, I dont care whether I still love him, whether he's having an affair or not, whether he is depressed ~~~ No-one (Anyone) is going to threaten me with divorce like that. I dont give a damn if he got on his knees and begged me now, he's made his bed, he better damn well lie in it. I haven't got time to be messin around with wishy washy men, I got a life to be livin. At the end of the day, if he still wants to divorce in 3 weeks when he comes home, then I'm going to have the papers in my hand ready for him to sign, if he's decided he doesn't want to divorce ..... then..... I'm STILL gonna have the papers in my hand and I'll damn well MAKE him sign. The individual responsibable for your happiness and contentment in life ~ is YOU! You're the person that's responsible for your life, your happiness, and contentment. You're the one that's at the helm of your life, your the one that determines and steers the course of your life ~ even during a Cat 5 hurricane. You want out of this misery ~ man-up and make it happen, take the pain, endure the pain, suffer the pain don't be afraid of the pain ~ its just pain. Pain is good ~ pain teaches you, you learn and grow from it. The first time you stuck your finger in a flame and got burned ~ you learned, your grew from the experience. You learned not to do that again. You won't stick a copper penny in a electric light socket but one time ~ I promise you that! And, from this? From this pain you'll learn not to waste your time, effort, energy, and money on people not worthy of you, your time, effort, energy and money. Its not what you've got to offer her, what you bring to the table, its what she's got to offer you and what she's bringing to the table. And, she's not got a damn thing what some other hasn't gotten just as good as, if not better ~ just as much of if not more! By God!
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