alasia Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 What is wrong with me?! Back in August last year I was a fun loving, happily single 23 year old, not wanting a relationship or anything like that and I was loving life, work etc. Fast forward 10 months and I'm an emotional wreck, 7 months pregnant, still gutted over my ex finishing with me in January (I should really be over it by now I think...we were only together for 5 months, after all) and...basically the opposite to how I was before I met him. I thought I was getting over him and starting to move on; I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks and hadn't wanted to, I've barely thought about him at all and was finally happy not to see him. He's a bus driver and I've deliberately been avoiding any buses he might be on just in case I happen to see him. Then last night, I went out, stopped off to see a friend and my ex was driving the bus I was due to catch home. He wasn't supposed to be anywhere near my town that night, he was meant to be doing a completely different route. Normally he'd drive straight past me but this time he stopped, I realised it was him driving and went to sit back down to wait for the next bus (due in another hour). He kept the doors open for a few minutes and when I didn't get on, drove off. I was proud of myself; a few weeks ago I would have made any excuse to catch his buses just to talk to him, and this was the first time in ages I made the choice NOT to go near him. I felt quite empowered Then I messed up. Later that night I decided to wait for my ex when he got back into town, mainly to ask him to stop driving the 876s so much (the only bus he drives that comes into my town; he normally only drives them on friday and saturday nights, but lately he's been changing his shifts so he drives that route every night). Long story short, I ended up getting a lift home from him in his car that night. It was totally stupid and very risky, seeing as he's got me in court for harassment (see my other posts for details) and I'm on bail conditions not to go near him; but he promised he won't say anything about seeing me (and I believe him), he lied to the police about applying for a transfer and he said "I hate being heartless towards you, I just say things I don't mean". Doesn't change the fact he says hurtful things, whether he means them or not they still hurt. Anyway we got on ok on the way home, and although I left thinking I was glad we got on and managed to talk,the chat made me realise just how fake my ex is (he'll sweet talk you round like that, then be saying he hates you the next day). You might think that's a good thing; but it totally set me back by seeing/talking to him - today I've been terrible and found some text messages on a website (thought I'd deleted them all but must have missed a few) that I sent to my ex in October, asking about messages he'd been sending his female 'friend' (the message in question read "very soon I hope. Like you say the ball's in my court, I hate what I'm doing", which is why I'm convinced he cheated on me, although he still says he didn't). I haven't thought about those messages in months, and all of a sudden it all came back to me and I started sobbing. Haven't done that in ages...why am I still so bothered about something that happened months ago?! And why do I still want to get back together with this guy, even though he blatantly has no feelings for me (and probably never did) and he was violent, controlling, agressive...just not a nice person at all. Not that I was an angel, but still. I thought I was moving on and I'm so angry with myself over breaking down and seeing him yesterday - I wish I'd have left it at not catching his bus (he told me later he was sure I was going to get on his bus, so I would have looked good if I'd have stuck to that and not seen him later). I also have another question; I've found a few bits that belong to my ex. All small things, not very important - a mobile phone, 3 cds, a teddy he gave me at christmas and a pendant he gave me. I was going to throw it all away (especially the teddy and the pendant), but then I thought it might be better to give it back to him. As an added bonus, giving him the teddy and necklace back might help me move on, and might show him that I'm not interested in him anymore...or hurt him, whatever. I know I sound bitter So how do I do it; should I get someone to drop the stuff at his place for me, do it myself but leave it for a few weeks until this court case stuff is over with (the case is tomorrow but it's being adjourned, probably for a week or two, so I'll be on bail conditions not to see him until then), go against the bail conditions and give him the stuff on his bus tonight then leave straight away (literally pass it over wihtout speaking), or give it to one of his workmates to pass onto him? Or should I just throw it away, seeing as it's not majorly important stuff and he hasn't asked for it? What do you think?
Author alasia Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 I don't know...I read someone else's post just now on another thread, where they said they packed up all their ex's stuff in a box and mailed it. I might do that, maybe leave it a while until I have everything (theres one of his favourite t shirts at my mother's house as well), plus the money I owe him, then I'll post it either to his house or workplace.
funkybassplayer Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 i got treated like crap by my ex (read goodbye my lady) i put all her stuff in the post to her and money that i owed her too. i still dont know if she has them! A text would have been nice so i know she recived it as it was rather a large cheque! why did i bother!
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