Zara26 Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I think my marriage may have ended late last night. He emailed me to tell me he wanted a divorce. I've yet to find out the real reason behind his sudden "decision". We've been married for 6 years, together for 13. I am 30, he is 32. No children, which is a blessing I guess. He is in the army (active duty officer) and doesn't like to talk about "work" with me (or anyone else for that matter). He's a strong man. He lives on actions rather than words and he doesn't suffer fools gladly. I'm the same. I am strong and independant and I don't take things to heart...usually. I am really shocked at the moment because I didn't take him to be one of life's quitters. He ALWAYS perseveres with things and never lets anything beat him. That's why this is so strange. Our marriage has been pretty good. All in all I would have said that we had a good quality of relationship, as far as things go these days. I don't have high expectations of love. I have always taken things as they come. I worked hard for our marriage, but then so did he. We were both realistic about our future together. I am very stubborn, forthright and quite forceful at times. Not controlling, but ... I know what I want and when I want it and I know who I am. He is an alpha male, so we would lock horns at times... that was our only real issue. And one of us would always end up backing down. Sex was .... fantastic. Always has been... I would be very surprised if he was having an affair, but obviously since he dropped this bombshell I can't rule it out either. I just don't know when he would find the time to do it and I haven't seen any red flags, although he's not here at the moment so I don't know. In his email to me last night he said that he couldn't and wouldn't go into his reasons for wanting a divorce. He is due back in 3 weeks time and says he will talk to me then. I can't believe he is such a sh~t that he emails me to tell me he wants a divorce but then doesn't tell me the reasons.. Its not at all like him to be like this. He did say that he feels like WE cannot "progress" within our marriage. That he thinks we have come to the end of the road and he just feels like it has run its course WTF ~~~ ?? We're married for gods sake, he was fully compus mentos when he made his vows, I didn't tie him to the alter with a ball & chain~! He was eager and pro-active with the engagement and the marriage. I think that some of this might also be because of my not wanting to have children yet. I have always been up front & honest with him about my lack of maternal instinct. He knew right from the very beginning that I did not want to have children until I was ready, and I explained to him then that it would not be until I was at LEAST 30. Since then it has never really been discussed. Its not like we have had a conversation about it recently and I have been dead against it. In fact if he had approached me about it lately I would have been willing to discuss it with him and maybe come to some sort of compromise. I had a hard childhood. My mum was only a kid when she had me. I keep seeing all these young girls having children at 14, 15 and 16 years old and I feel sad for what is happening to the world. I want to be a responsible parent, which means that I need to work out 100% who I am before I bring something else into the world that is going to rely on me for everything for at least the first 16 years of its life. I am nearly there, but not quite, although I realise that learning yourself is a lifetime project, but what I mean is .. I was nearly there enough to know that I could raise a child to be a moral, decent and strong human being. I really dont know what to do in the interim between now and when he comes home. I have already made a concious decision not to contact him in any way shape or form for the next 3 weeks. I don't want to hear what he has to say at the moment. And to be honest I do not want him to see any sort of weakness from me. I know that whathever happens I will be OK but it's still a shock to the system when the one person you thought you could trust turns round and bites you on the ass. We have a house together (I contributed as much towards as he has) so I suppose that will have to be sold. These are the sorts of things I am thinking about at the moment. I've got to protect myself now. I am worth alot more than this crap. I love my husband, I always have and I always will, but I know that he wouldn't mention divorce if he wasn't serious, and even if he did change his mind now... in my eyes its too late. If someone threatens me with something, they better be prepared to carry it out. Oh god... I could go on and on but I've dribbled on enough already. Sorry this is so long, but does anyone have any thoughts/advice on this. Any idea what might be going through his head~? I am quite willing to answer more questions if I haven't provided you with enough info, but could really do with bouncing this around with a few "neutral" parties. Thanks in advance ~~ Zara
quankanne Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 are you willing to meet with a counsellor, both for yourself as well as a couple? Because right now, you're going through a pretty stressful situation that a good counsellor can help you give the tools to deal with. other thought is that marriages go through cycles – remember the phrase "seven-year itch"? It's pretty true, because when you've been married to someone for a certain amount of time, the "newness" of things wears off and reality steps in. You being a military wife have the added situation of time and distance apart, which is hard on a relationship. I imagine that all these things have got your husband thinking in a new direction, one which tells him that it's impossible to make the relationship work. However, if you're both willing to try, you can make it work. several people on this site have touted counselling, others have suggested marriage builders – my personal favorite is Marriage Encounter. All these programs are designed to help give you the tools to communicate more effectively in your relationship ... because good communication is the platform of any relationship. With ME, you also look at the reasons why you were attracted to your mate and wanted to make that leap of faith with him/her when you married. so, don't let yourself freak out too much, but start looking into third-party help. I imagine the military has a lot of good resources, and local churches often do. Some cities also have places offer marriage enrichment programs, so you've got a wealth of help out there. when you talk with your husband ask him to consider getting help before throwing in the towel, simply because you have got so much invested in your marriage that it'd be a shame to just walk away without fighting for it. Marriage isn't as easy as we'd hope it'd be, but it's definitely worth fighting for. many hugs, q
quiet1one1 Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Could it be that his experience(s) in the military have pushed his desire for kids to a newer level? Even though you say he knew your "lack of maternal instinct" from the start, maybe his desire has changed on the subject? Email???? AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH! I hate email, text messages, instant messages, and everything else lsimilar (as I communicate in a web forum, I know). People cannot relate face to face anymore. Good luck to you.
Author Zara26 Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 Thank you for your reply Quankanne. I have not really considered marriage councelling yet because to be absolutely honest with you I am a little bit skeptical about how effective marriage councellors are these days. I will definitely look into though. Thank you. I know what you are saying about the 7 year itch and normally I would be in total agreement with you. The only reservation I have about that is that my husband is an intelligent man. He knows as well as I do that marriage and love ebbs and tides and that the "newness" of relationships dwindles in time. That is one of the reasons why I married him. He was always realistic about the way relationships change and he told me that if we were ever having problems, that he would certainly try and work through things before even considering throwing in the towel. This is why his wanting us to divorce is confusing me so much. It's just not like him at all. The email that he sent me looked like it had been written by somebody completely different. I just cant get my head round it I can't help but feel that his job may have something to do with this. Like I said in my 1st post, he refused to talk to me in any depth about "work". I know that he has been involved in and seen some horrendous and extremely traumatic situations, but he just wont open up about that. I've always respected his decision to stay silent about the military. I have no real concept about what goes on so I feel that I would not be in a position to help him anyway. I'm starting to wonder whether he might be having an affair but I just can't comprehend how and why he would do it. Then again, if someone wants to cheat then they will always find a way. Again, though it is out of character for him. He's alot of things but he's not a liar. Our sex life has always been "electric" Its part of the reason why we got together initially:o, but our relationship is about SO MUCH more than that. He doesn't communicate exceptionally well. He's alot more about proving his love in actions rather than words... so why would he have an affair. Our sex is great, emotionally, he's natuarally introvert so I cant see him wanting to open up to anybody else ~~~ also, the army really don't like marital problems, especially when infidelity is involved. Oh I dont know, I can't think straight. He said he might email me tonight so I can let you know more tomorrow. I'm gonna try and get my head down for a bit. I'm tired.
quankanne Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 He was always realistic about the way relationships change and he told me that if we were ever having problems, that he would certainly try and work through things before even considering throwing in the towel … I can't help but feel that his job may have something to do with this. if this is the case, it could very well be that his work is causing him to have serious doubts about things. Then there's the effect of depression on an otherwise rational person ... it can make you second-guess the very thing you love and believe in. If there are stresses related to work, I can see how depression (a result of ongoing stress) can lead him to believe that he wants a divorce. hang in there – once you two start talking, things will clear up enough so that you know what game plan you need to work through this. I understand your reservations about counselling, but there are some tried and true sources, and I imagine the military would go above and beyond simply because of the kind of lifestyle military families are exposed to. Best thing to do is just keep looking until you find someone you feel comfortable to confide in, you know?
poobee34 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 I think my marriage may have ended late last night. He emailed me to tell me he wanted a divorce. I've yet to find out the real reason behind his sudden "decision". We've been married for 6 years, together for 13. I am 30, he is 32. No children, which is a blessing I guess. He is in the army (active duty officer) and doesn't like to talk about "work" with me (or anyone else for that matter). He's a strong man. He lives on actions rather than words and he doesn't suffer fools gladly. I'm the same. I am strong and independant and I don't take things to heart...usually. I am really shocked at the moment because I didn't take him to be one of life's quitters. He ALWAYS perseveres with things and never lets anything beat him. That's why this is so strange. Our marriage has been pretty good. All in all I would have said that we had a good quality of relationship, as far as things go these days. I don't have high expectations of love. I have always taken things as they come. I worked hard for our marriage, but then so did he. We were both realistic about our future together. I am very stubborn, forthright and quite forceful at times. Not controlling, but ... I know what I want and when I want it and I know who I am. He is an alpha male, so we would lock horns at times... that was our only real issue. And one of us would always end up backing down. Sex was .... fantastic. Always has been... I would be very surprised if he was having an affair, but obviously since he dropped this bombshell I can't rule it out either. I just don't know when he would find the time to do it and I haven't seen any red flags, although he's not here at the moment so I don't know. In his email to me last night he said that he couldn't and wouldn't go into his reasons for wanting a divorce. He is due back in 3 weeks time and says he will talk to me then. I can't believe he is such a sh~t that he emails me to tell me he wants a divorce but then doesn't tell me the reasons.. Its not at all like him to be like this. He did say that he feels like WE cannot "progress" within our marriage. That he thinks we have come to the end of the road and he just feels like it has run its course WTF ~~~ ?? We're married for gods sake, he was fully compus mentos when he made his vows, I didn't tie him to the alter with a ball & chain~! He was eager and pro-active with the engagement and the marriage. I think that some of this might also be because of my not wanting to have children yet. I have always been up front & honest with him about my lack of maternal instinct. He knew right from the very beginning that I did not want to have children until I was ready, and I explained to him then that it would not be until I was at LEAST 30. Since then it has never really been discussed. Its not like we have had a conversation about it recently and I have been dead against it. In fact if he had approached me about it lately I would have been willing to discuss it with him and maybe come to some sort of compromise. I had a hard childhood. My mum was only a kid when she had me. I keep seeing all these young girls having children at 14, 15 and 16 years old and I feel sad for what is happening to the world. I want to be a responsible parent, which means that I need to work out 100% who I am before I bring something else into the world that is going to rely on me for everything for at least the first 16 years of its life. I am nearly there, but not quite, although I realise that learning yourself is a lifetime project, but what I mean is .. I was nearly there enough to know that I could raise a child to be a moral, decent and strong human being. I really dont know what to do in the interim between now and when he comes home. I have already made a concious decision not to contact him in any way shape or form for the next 3 weeks. I don't want to hear what he has to say at the moment. And to be honest I do not want him to see any sort of weakness from me. I know that whathever happens I will be OK but it's still a shock to the system when the one person you thought you could trust turns round and bites you on the ass. We have a house together (I contributed as much towards as he has) so I suppose that will have to be sold. These are the sorts of things I am thinking about at the moment. I've got to protect myself now. I am worth alot more than this crap. I love my husband, I always have and I always will, but I know that he wouldn't mention divorce if he wasn't serious, and even if he did change his mind now... in my eyes its too late. If someone threatens me with something, they better be prepared to carry it out. Oh god... I could go on and on but I've dribbled on enough already. Sorry this is so long, but does anyone have any thoughts/advice on this. Any idea what might be going through his head~? I am quite willing to answer more questions if I haven't provided you with enough info, but could really do with bouncing this around with a few "neutral" parties. Thanks in advance ~~ Zara Why is it so hard today to live yesterdays dream?
Author Zara26 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Posted June 14, 2007 It was very late when he emailed me. I was awake. I couldn't sleep becasuse I have so much going on in my head. Another thing that is strange in his behaviour at the moment are the times that he sends his emails. He always used to phone or email earlier on in the evening, but lately (over the last week or so) he's been contacting me at silly o'clock in the morning. Do you think this relevant ~? He said in his email that he was going to phone me originally but couldn't face hearing my voice ~?? He said that although he knows that emailing isn't a particularly effective way of communicating at the moment, he feels more comfortable doing it like this . I've never known him to be such a damn coward. This is NOT the man I know. Something is definitely going on that I don't know about, that I am sure of now. The overall content of his email was ..... well indifferent I suppose. He touched on what he had been up to, how he was and when he might be able to get back. He even added a joke into it somewhere The only thing he mentioned about his wanting us to divorce was that he had been awake all night imagining me with somebody else in the future and getting really angry at the thought of another man touching me ~~ WTF ~~?? I got REALLY angry when I read that part ~~ I mean He's the one that wants to rip this apart ~~ NOT ME. What right has he got to be angry about ANYTHING ~ ? Apart from the anger I felt, I also felt quite sad when I read that part of his email because it means that he's still thinking about divorce. I'm not going to lie down on this one. I will fight my corner and fight for our marriage tooth and nail before I let everything that we have worked for be tossed into nothingness. If it's an affair ..... I dont know, thats different, I dont know what I would do.... If its something else then surely ... just surely we can work through it ~ ? I still have so much love for him really. I know I said in my original post that I wouldn't take him back after he made a threat about divorce, but you know what... I think I was wrong... I know that at this point in time I would walk over hot coals to make this thing work. I didn't email him back last night, I was too confused. If and when I do decide to contact him, its gonna be when I am focused and rational. Thank you all so much for your replies by the way. Its just REALLY good to be able to vent. I'm quite private with my feelings so dont really like discussing them with people I know.
sumdude Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 Fighting for your marriage is a worthy endeavor. Just be careful how you go about it. Fighting assumes belligerence and anger ... which usually serves only to drive your spouse away. Sometimes reverse psychology works best .... act as if your OK with all of it ... let go and live your life being nice but indifferent to him. TAke the pressure off and he might start coming back your way. Put pressure on and he may run for the hills even faster.
quiet1one1 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 Don't try to read anything into what is written in emails or any other form of electronic communication for that matter. There's no feeling plus it's just so darn easy to write something that you wouldn't say to a person face-to-face. Remember this too when you're responding to him via email. Not sure you have this option with him being where he is but...when I got finally got fed up with all the emails, texts, etc. I stopped playing back. I started to speak with my W directly (or by phone if I had no choice) on EVERY single topic. I started each conversation with "sorry if I'm bothering you, if you prefer I email you I will but...". ~Keep in mind we are still in our house together!~ She got the idea real quick that real people with real issues (in particular) need talk to each other. This little change has led to a much bigger change in the way we openly relate to each other. Hang in there. Try not to analyze everything too much - find some peace for your mind. GET SOME REST!!! It will help your outlook immensely.
Gunny376 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 I think my marriage may have ended late last night. He emailed me to tell me he wanted a divorce. I've yet to find out the real reason behind his sudden "decision". We've been married for 6 years, together for 13. I am 30, he is 32. No children, which is a blessing I guess. He is in the army (active duty officer) and doesn't like to talk about "work" with me (or anyone else for that matter). He's a strong man. He lives on actions rather than words and he doesn't suffer fools gladly. I'm the same. I am strong and independant and I don't take things to heart...usually. I am really shocked at the moment because I didn't take him to be one of life's quitters. He ALWAYS perseveres with things and never lets anything beat him. That's why this is so strange. Our marriage has been pretty good. All in all I would have said that we had a good quality of relationship, as far as things go these days. I don't have high expectations of love. I have always taken things as they come. I worked hard for our marriage, but then so did he. We were both realistic about our future together. I am very stubborn, forthright and quite forceful at times. Not controlling, but ... I know what I want and when I want it and I know who I am. He is an alpha male, so we would lock horns at times... that was our only real issue. And one of us would always end up backing down. Sex was .... fantastic. Always has been... I would be very surprised if he was having an affair, but obviously since he dropped this bombshell I can't rule it out either. I just don't know when he would find the time to do it and I haven't seen any red flags, although he's not here at the moment so I don't know. In his email to me last night he said that he couldn't and wouldn't go into his reasons for wanting a divorce. He is due back in 3 weeks time and says he will talk to me then. I can't believe he is such a sh~t that he emails me to tell me he wants a divorce but then doesn't tell me the reasons.. Its not at all like him to be like this. He did say that he feels like WE cannot "progress" within our marriage. That he thinks we have come to the end of the road and he just feels like it has run its course WTF ~~~ ?? We're married for gods sake, he was fully compus mentos when he made his vows, I didn't tie him to the alter with a ball & chain~! He was eager and pro-active with the engagement and the marriage. I think that some of this might also be because of my not wanting to have children yet. I have always been up front & honest with him about my lack of maternal instinct. He knew right from the very beginning that I did not want to have children until I was ready, and I explained to him then that it would not be until I was at LEAST 30. Since then it has never really been discussed. Its not like we have had a conversation about it recently and I have been dead against it. In fact if he had approached me about it lately I would have been willing to discuss it with him and maybe come to some sort of compromise. I had a hard childhood. My mum was only a kid when she had me. I keep seeing all these young girls having children at 14, 15 and 16 years old and I feel sad for what is happening to the world. I want to be a responsible parent, which means that I need to work out 100% who I am before I bring something else into the world that is going to rely on me for everything for at least the first 16 years of its life. I am nearly there, but not quite, although I realise that learning yourself is a lifetime project, but what I mean is .. I was nearly there enough to know that I could raise a child to be a moral, decent and strong human being. I really dont know what to do in the interim between now and when he comes home. I have already made a concious decision not to contact him in any way shape or form for the next 3 weeks. I don't want to hear what he has to say at the moment. And to be honest I do not want him to see any sort of weakness from me. I know that whathever happens I will be OK but it's still a shock to the system when the one person you thought you could trust turns round and bites you on the ass. We have a house together (I contributed as much towards as he has) so I suppose that will have to be sold. These are the sorts of things I am thinking about at the moment. I've got to protect myself now. I am worth alot more than this crap. I love my husband, I always have and I always will, but I know that he wouldn't mention divorce if he wasn't serious, and even if he did change his mind now... in my eyes its too late. If someone threatens me with something, they better be prepared to carry it out. Oh god... I could go on and on but I've dribbled on enough already. Sorry this is so long, but does anyone have any thoughts/advice on this. Any idea what might be going through his head~? I am quite willing to answer more questions if I haven't provided you with enough info, but could really do with bouncing this around with a few "neutral" parties. Thanks in advance ~~ Zara Thoughts? Yea, after you divorce him ~ MARRY ME! Where ya' been all my life!
Author Zara26 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Posted June 14, 2007 Thoughts? Yea, after you divorce him ~ MARRY ME! Where ya' been all my life! :o;) I might take you up on that you know (if you can keep up with me ~~ there's no prizes for 2nd ) I've had trouble with my login so I don't know if this will show up, they told me I had to change username so I did and then they said that the one I had picked was already in use, but I already wrote a reply by then so this one might come up twice under two different names ~ WTF! ~??? ANYWAY.... You know what Gunny ~~? In all honesty ~~? When all of this is over, and I divorce HIM theres not a snowballs chance in hell that I am gonna keel over and let this ruin me. I'll be finding me a better man than he ever was I've throught alot over the last 24 hours, and even though this is all still very new, and I'm a little confused about it all, i'm still rational - I'm not drunk, on drugs, depressed or anything like that. I've decided that I'm going to give him EXACTLY what he wants. I dont care whether he changes his mind now, I dont care whether I still love him, whether he's having an affair or not, whether he is depressed ~~~ No-one (Anyone) is going to threaten me with divorce like that. I dont give a damn if he got on his knees and begged me now, he's made his bed, he better damn well lie in it. I haven't got time to be messin around with wishy washy men, I got a life to be livin. At the end of the day, if he still wants to divorce in 3 weeks when he comes home, then I'm going to have the papers in my hand ready for him to sign, if he's decided he doesn't want to divorce ..... then..... I'm STILL gonna have the papers in my hand and I'll damn well MAKE him sign.
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 The only thing he mentioned about his wanting us to divorce was that he had been awake all night imagining me with somebody else in the future and getting really angry at the thought of another man touching me This is a huge red flag, atleast to me as it jumped off the screen. Why would he mention this seeing as HE is the one asking for a divorce? Hate to say it and I'm sorry (though I'm sure these thoughts are in your head as well) but he's met someone. He is cheating on you. Stay strong and if it does end, HIS loss, not yours. I've had trouble with my login so I don't know if this will show up, they told me I had to change username so I did and then they said that the one I had picked was already in use, but I already wrote a reply by then so this one might come up twice under two different names ~ WTF! ~??? Use the contact us link and ask the mods/admin what's up with your username. Hopefully they can help sort that out for you.
Author Zara26 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Posted June 14, 2007 This is a huge red flag, atleast to me as it jumped off the screen. Why would he mention this seeing as HE is the one asking for a divorce? Hate to say it and I'm sorry (though I'm sure these thoughts are in your head as well) but he's met someone. He is cheating on you I kind of figured that he's cheating on me. I'm not even going to give him the opportunity to lie to me. He's a gonner. I'm not having someone like that in my life. Some people might not agree with me, but I need to be with someone strong. Someone who knows their own mind. I'm still learning about mine, but I'm sure as hell getting there. Stay strong and if it does end, HIS loss, not yours. Thanks - I will - I AM strong - and yes - it IS his loss, not mine Use the contact us link and ask the mods/admin what's up with your username. Hopefully they can help sort that out for you Thanks - I have asked them - I had to re-type my whole post because it messed up - ~~!!!
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 . I'm not even going to give him the opportunity to lie to me. He's a gonner. I'm not having someone like that in my life. Some people might not agree with me, but I need to be with someone strong. Someone who knows their own mind. I'm still learning about mine, but I'm sure as hell getting there. There are no rules on how to react or not to react when you find out your spouse is cheating on you. Some want to give the person a second chance, some don't, and it's okay to want to end it completely and walk away. Alot of people hold infidelity high and if their spouse cheats, they're OUT, end of story. Don't feel bad and if it ends, no regrets...you didn't cheat, HE did. Sometimes what I do when I finish a long post is copy and paste it into a notebook, just incase it goes haywire like it did to you. Had that happen once and I nearly cried as I spent so much time writing and hit submit, then poof! It was gone, I took too long posting and the system booted me off the site, guess they took it as I was idle... You are strong and I commend you on that.
Author Zara26 Posted June 14, 2007 Author Posted June 14, 2007 There are no rules on how to react or not to react when you find out your spouse is cheating on you. Some want to give the person a second chance, some don't, and it's okay to want to end it completely and walk away. Alot of people hold infidelity high and if their spouse cheats, they're OUT, end of story. Don't feel bad and if it ends, no regrets...you didn't cheat, HE did. Sometimes what I do when I finish a long post is copy and paste it into a notebook, just incase it goes haywire like it did to you. Had that happen once and I nearly cried as I spent so much time writing and hit submit, then poof! It was gone, I took too long posting and the system booted me off the site, guess they took it as I was idle... You are strong and I commend you on that. Thanks for your replies Which Way is Up. I really appreciate it. And to everybody else who has taken the time to reply to my original post. It is really good to have a release for all of this. At the moment, I have no proof that H has been cheating on me. Ok there are alot of red flags and I know that the likelyhood of it is that he's got someone else, but I just dont know for sure. I dont want to accuse him of it and be wrong and end up looking like a twot. I dont THINK I can divorce him on grounds of adultery unless I have hard evidence (maybe confused about that) I don't know too much about divorce funnily enough, i've never had the need to delve into that too much - never thought I would. I think divorcing is more complicated when one spouse in in the military. I'm going to google it and see what I can find out. I've got an appointment with an attorney tomorrow so I'll be alot clearer about what my options are.
jmargel Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 Why are you assuming he is cheating on you? Depending where he is at right now (location and the environment) he's in, his head could be very well unscrewed. Depression could be setting in or mentally he might not be there due to the stress he is getting. This communication over email and phone is not the same as being with each other in person. The physical distance between you two can be a major contribution to the problems you are having. My opinion would not to be contacting a lawyer right now, when he gets back you two need to see a marriage counselor and he needs some counseling to get his head back on straight. Right now you two need to improve your communication and by your posts you are proud to be stubborn. That's not something to be proud of. Marriage is not a competition, it's not about 'I am better than you'. It's about compromise and meeting each other's needs. It's apparent the communication between you two lack severly. When he gets back you need to learn to "listen" to him and really try to find out where he is coming from. Please also check my links in my signature, it might help you out some.
Gunny376 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 :o;) I might take you up on that you know (if you can keep up with me ~~ there's no prizes for 2nd ) Oh! I can tote the note ~ But, I'm not in "Search and Break Hearts" mode right now. ANYWAY.... You know what Gunny ~~? In all honesty ~~? When all of this is over, and I divorce HIM theres not a snowballs chance in hell that I am gonna keel over and let this ruin me. I'll be finding me a better man than he ever was I've throught alot over the last 24 hours, and even though this is all still very new, and I'm a little confused about it all, i'm still rational - I'm not drunk, on drugs, depressed or anything like that. I've decided that I'm going to give him EXACTLY what he wants. I dont care whether he changes his mind now, I dont care whether I still love him, whether he's having an affair or not, whether he is depressed ~~~ No-one (Anyone) is going to threaten me with divorce like that. I dont give a damn if he got on his knees and begged me now, he's made his bed, he better damn well lie in it. I haven't got time to be messin around with wishy washy men, I got a life to be livin. At the end of the day, if he still wants to divorce in 3 weeks when he comes home, then I'm going to have the papers in my hand ready for him to sign, if he's decided he doesn't want to divorce ..... then..... I'm STILL gonna have the papers in my hand and I'll damn well MAKE him sign. That's WHAT I'm talking about!!!!!! Seens shivers down my spine ~ Oooooraaaahhhhh! Motivate me! :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: Bunnies are the way give high five's and "Atta' Girls" around here ~ that's the most I've ever give I belive! Wish Lady Jane was here to read that ~ it'd bring a tear of happiness, pride and joy to her eye!
Gunny376 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 I agree that you need to improve communication with the DH, first grab you a 2 x 4 and plant one across his forebeam ~ paint a clear pretty picture in his mind, let him know you've got you've got your game on ~ that your an All Star that's to have her head nor heart played with. You went into the marriage all out ~ in for a penny, in for a pound. I'd be letting this little boy know ~ you want out? Its going to cost you ~ BIG TIME! He comes back with his hat in his hand? He's got to come the old fashion way ~ he's got to work for it and earn it. I'd be PTFO ~ like you ~ the last thing you want to do is threaten me. I'm the kind of guy that'll be the answers to your dreams ~ you sound like the type as well. Im come on! What are you chopped liver? What's up with this divorce business ~ you think we've been "playing" house all this time! If you do end up getting divorced ~ just make sure you "trade up" I'm out of here!
Author Zara26 Posted June 15, 2007 Author Posted June 15, 2007 Oh! I can tote the note ~ But, I'm not in "Search and Break Hearts" mode right now. Dont worry Gunny - I'm in the UK so I wont be hunting you down just yet Anyways - if I do divorce him, I know it's gonna be tough finding someone else because these sorts of guys are few and far between. A guys got to have something special to even get within 2 feet of me. Its hard to explain but I know that there aren't very many of them out there. That's why I'm half inclined to give him that whack between the eyes and try and find out what's going down with him. At the end of the day, I can't expect him to be strong ALL of the time ~~ we all mess up now and again, and nobody upon nobody is perfect right ? I'm sure there will be a time when I need to lean on him and I wouldn't want him to just up and divorce me if I was feeling a bit squiffy for a while. I'm going to wait for him to come home before I discuss anything else with him now. We'll lay our cards on the table and strip this thing down to its bones if we have to. He's got no choice on that one, whether he still wants to divorce me or not. Thank you everybody for all your advice - I'll update you all again when he comes back. Thanks ...
Gunny376 Posted June 15, 2007 Posted June 15, 2007 Dont worry Gunny - I'm in the UK so I wont be hunting you down just yet Anyways - if I do divorce him, I know it's gonna be tough finding someone else because these sorts of guys are few and far between. A guys got to have something special to even get within 2 feet of me. Its hard to explain but I know that there aren't very many of them out there. That's why I'm half inclined to give him that whack between the eyes and try and find out what's going down with him. At the end of the day, I can't expect him to be strong ALL of the time ~~ we all mess up now and again, and nobody upon nobody is perfect right ? I'm sure there will be a time when I need to lean on him and I wouldn't want him to just up and divorce me if I was feeling a bit squiffy for a while. I'm going to wait for him to come home before I discuss anything else with him now. We'll lay our cards on the table and strip this thing down to its bones if we have to. He's got no choice on that one, whether he still wants to divorce me or not. Thank you everybody for all your advice - I'll update you all again when he comes back. Thanks ... YOU'RE BRITISH?!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!! :love: LOL! Not really Love ~ just go down to your local Marine base ~ the place is covered up with "A Few Good Men" ~ but it takes a strong woman to love a strong -minded, strong willed man. Not for the weak hearted, weak-minded nor weak-willed! One of the toughest jobs in tha' Corps is being a Marine's wife. LOL, had a Bro in the Marines that pulled embassy duty in London. Meet an Irish gal in a local pub, she gave him her address and told him to come around sometime and "knock her up" ~ he got all excited about the prospect. When he did, she invited him in and asked him if he wanted some of her "Bush" ~ he was sorely disappointed when she served him up a glass of Irish whiskey! But your right ~ its hard for a high caliber person to find another high caliber individual. More than one woman that I've dated have described me as "complex" ~ not really ~ its really more a case of their being simplistic. Not that that's a crime ~ there's a lot to be said for living the simple life. Anyway, you've got a handle on things ~ sounds as though you just need to set him straight as to way things are, and let him know you're not playing with him.
Author Zara26 Posted June 15, 2007 Author Posted June 15, 2007 LOL, had a Bro in the Marines that pulled embassy duty in London. Meet an Irish gal in a local pub, she gave him her address and told him to come around sometime and "knock her up" ~ he got all excited about the prospect. When he did, she invited him in and asked him if he wanted some of her "Bush" ~ he was sorely disappointed when she served him up a glass of Irish whiskey! quote] :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: I LOVE THE IRISH ~ !! ~ No messin with them ~~ they say what they mean and they mean what they say ~ !
Author Zara26 Posted June 20, 2007 Author Posted June 20, 2007 The B&stard Rang me last night The B&stard admitted "infidelity" The B&stard better use the next 2 weeks to chase as much skirt as he can cause ...... The B&stard's gonna have ME to deal with when he gets back And it aint gonna be pretty :mad::mad::mad:
Recommended Posts