quiet1one1 Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 Yup, that's me. Wish I was known for other reasons though . Oh well. I know, I know! None of it makes sense. I know I should walk away. I'm getting closer - I'm just not there yet. She "wronged" me and I'm waiting for her decision? F'ed up huh? We still live happily together and get along great. There is still this flicker of hope... Yes, we are going to try separating for a fixed amount of time (4 mos.) with some clearly defined parameters around things like dating each other, dating others, amount of contact, finances, etc. She rented a small place and is moving out. In the meantime, I keep the house going and the kids have a place. I would like to date others but it's much easier saidf than done. Besides, what other W needs this mess? We'll get together on the back end and make a decision. I think I'm just afraid I may end up alone.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 20, 2007 Posted June 20, 2007 OMG, this whole post made me cry. I feel EXACTLY the same way and have been unable to actually describe how I feel to WH. Now, I know. I feel resentment and disgust over what he's done. I turn every single word that comes out of his mouth around to start a fight. If he doesn't hold my hand or put his arm around me, I accuse him of not loving me. He has "tossed away" my ability to love him unconditionally and I know I will never again love him the way I did before he caused all this hurt and pain. Melissa, What's so sad to me is that I've told him this, and he doesn't care, just wants it swept away under the carpet. Expects me to deal with the hurt and anger and betrayal that he has caused and he expects me to do it alone. Not only without the help of him but without the help of my friends. One of the first things he says to me when he gets home is who have I talked to. Then he will bring up how my friends are probably not good for me. What he doesn't know is that I don't talk to them about him any longer because its embarrassing for me (not to protect him), I'm ashamed for them to know how I am treated by him. Whataguy! I'm seriously NOW questioning how someone who is normal could ever expect this from someone they supposedly love! I've don't very well for awhile but everything that has been bottled up is coming to the surface now and if he isn't willing to help I have to somehow save myself. I don't believe I deserve this, and he is willing to turn a blind eye to it. It's just so so sad to finally realize that someone you had faith in (enough to suffer for their sins) will never even appreciate your love enough to step up to the plate and right their chosen wrongs.
silktricks Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 OK, I want you to think of 1 other possibility. You know your wife, and from what you've implied, it sounds like what she did is extemely out of character for her. Is it possible that her actions have thrown her for such a loop that she needs the time notso much to decide if she wants to work on your m but more because she needs to figure out what went wrong with herself and her own morals? Disappointment in yourself is maybe the worst disappointment of all, and it's not something you can talk about to your betrayed partner. I don't know if that rings true for your situation, but it may have something to do with where she's at.
quiet1one1 Posted June 21, 2007 Posted June 21, 2007 OK, I want you to think of 1 other possibility. You know your wife, and from what you've implied, it sounds like what she did is extemely out of character for her. Is it possible that her actions have thrown her for such a loop that she needs the time notso much to decide if she wants to work on your m but more because she needs to figure out what went wrong with herself and her own morals? ST, you hit the nail on the head. This is a distinct, and I'd say likely, possibility and is almost exactly what she's telling me. She says she needs to figure out why she did it, what does it say about who she is, has become, or needs to be. This has to be figured out before she can commit to all the pain and work that rescuing our marriage will require. I know the "old" her like nobody else in the world - is that moral and caring person gone? I have to find out for sure. She did a horrible thing to me, her partner for 25+ years. Then she looked into my eyes so many times and promised there was nobody else. If she decided that the life I'm offering was enough, could I ever really forgive her? I just don't know. I have to give myself every chance to find out for sure. Could she be playing me, stringing me along? Is she waffling between me, the OM, or just being alone? Maybe she wants to "have her cake..." till she knows for sure? Could be. I was following blindly but I'm now seeing much more clearly. At this point all I have to risk is time and some self-respect but my patience is running out.
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