Update. advise

[Confused27]

So a few months ago, I came to this place in desperate need. I dont know if anyone remembers my story, but if you do, I wanted to give an update and ask for more advice.

 

First of all, thanks to all who replied to my posts back then. You were all a tremendous comfort and help.

 

Anyway, things got very intense again with him. I was used to the rollercoaster ( the days of NC, the intensity of emotion, the "im going to leave/no im not") stuff. About a month ago, I got a call telling me to come pick him up. His bags were packed and he said that he just couldnt keep pretending anymore and that he was leaving. We really started to discuss what we were going to do. He went back the next day ( he said to talk things over) and I didnt see him until three days later, he shows up and says that it is over for good. We went out and he talked all night about how he had finally gotten the courage to leave and be with me, how sorry he was for putting me through the events of the past year and that he just wanted us to be in love...well, he went back home the next day. He then started saying that he was doing the best he could do, that he was making an effort for us and I started wondering if it was really going to happen.

 

Two weeks ago, he comes over on a Sunday night and is immediately on top of me. When I started to take his pants off, he told me that he couldnt get erect. I asked why and he said that he hasnt been able to with me for months and that it was one of the reasons that he hadnt left his bf. He said he thought it was the guilt and whatnot. Anyway, we make out anyway and I say " I feel really dumb now because im getting hard". He says " Me too. I feel dumb for just having that conversation when Im getting hard too"....seriously, i was way confused. The next morning, after he called his bf to pick him up, I said " seriously. what the **** are we doing?" He told me to move on and give up. All of this after the previous week of me picking him up with his bags packed because he was "leaving". I felt like an idiot.

 

So we didnt talk for a week. Then we sort of broke down and I said " I still want to keep our friendship" So I made amends with his bf and we have all been hanging out ( dont even ask how this is possible. I have no idea). I feel like ive been really strong and good about everything. I have not brought our past up at all. Last week, at dinner, he mouths the words " i love you" to me and on the phone tells me that he is still in love with me but that it is "bad". Obviously, im still in love with him as well.

 

Sorry, i feel like im rambling, but... here is the thing. IM trying to be his friend but he is getting jealous if I even mention being out with another guy. He doesnt blatantly say it, but I know it bothers him. Last night I get a text from him that say " Hotel ME" and I replied "?". He then wrote " the place where we are staying in Mexico for two weeks. Im so excited!" I wrote back " I would rather not hear about it if thats cool"

 

Honestly, why would I? So he starts going on about how I am so selfish and think that the world revolves around me. Why cant I be excited for him? Today, he calls and I said " look. I am trying really hard, but I am just not ready to talk about you and him spending two weeks on vacation. You're not dumb. I have no idea why that is hard for you to understand" He said

" You really can be mean. I guess Ill just not discuss anything with you from now on if it bothers you so much. It's fine. Ill just not be as honest with you about my life and wont share anyting witth you"

 

I said " look. i wasnt trying to be mean. I am happy for you, but its just hard for me. Why cant you see that?" To which he replied " You are so selfish. You need to get over it" and hung up on me.

 

What should I do? Was it wrong for me to try to be his friend and then get upset when he tells me he's going on vacation soon with his bf? I think its pretty normal. He obviously doesnt. I told him last night that I thought he sent that text to me just to be cruel. I mean, really. Why was that so important that he didnt to tell me right away? He says that it absolutely wasnt to be cruel, that he was just telling me about his vacation plans because he was excited and he thought his friend would like to know about it.

 

So am I the *******? Should I just assume that im not ready to be his friend and drop it? Or do you think that HE is the one making it so difficult?

 

I gather up enough strength to start hanging out with him and his bf, the one he was leaving for me, and IM SELFISH? I dont get it

[PoshPrincess]

Confused, it sounds like HE is the one who's selfish hun! He wants to have his cake and eat it. And what sort of man is he that he can't understand why this is so hard for you? Of course it's hard for you, you love him, you thought the two of you were going to be together, and then he goes back to his BF and breaks your heart. He is being really unfair by being with his BF and still telling you he loves you AFTER he has told you to move on! He is playing with your feelings.

 

I know it will be SO hard but please do yourself a favour and remove him from your life. You can find someone kind and caring who will love you totally like you deserve to be loved and who you will love back. This guy is just going to make you more and more unhappy.

 

All the best x

[Confused27]

so this past weekend ( after the recent fight was smoothed over) , I ended up at his house drinking with him, a stranger and his bf. I dont know what happened, but I just broke down out of the blue and started bawling. Everyone kept saying " what's wrong" and I couldnt even talk. So he says that we need a minute alone and we go to the bedroom. I start going on and on about how I loved him and seeing them together was so hard for me. Here I was trying to be his friend and I realized I was killing myself. Do you know what he said? While he was huggin me and I was crying?

 

"Baby, I told you I was never going to leave. I told you that from the very beginning" This was the second time we ever saw one another. WE were talking about relationships, not us. WE had just met.

 

WTF???? Oh, really. So I guess that's why he was hellbent a month ago on making me belive that he was leaving. So I believed it. But, according to him, I shouldnt have? Whatever. Its like the game of " true or false"

 

So I left. He followed me and I said " I cant believe that you are over this" And he says " Im sorry. I love you but Im not in love with you anymore" Ouch. I asked him when it happened....

 

Well, a week ago, I was at his place and feeling low, so I mentioned that my ex had talked about us getting back together. I thought I had every right to discuss it seeing as how I was standing there with his bf. He told me that after hearing that, he had to protect himself from being hurt so he shut off his emotions for me. Does this make any ****ing sense at all?

 

To top it all off, I somehow end up back there later that night, totally wasted, and somehow we end up making out in the elevator. What the hell is going on here? Am I crazy?

[PoshPrincess]

Confused, this guy is either seriously f**ked up, playing you for a fool, or most likely both. You gotta get the hell out before you wind up as f**ed up as HE is!