I didn't even know he was married!

[MotherGooze]

I met this guy, and we connected on every single ground. I just felt so great with him. He would take me out to dinner, take long walks in the forrest, treat me like a godess. And then one thing lead to another and we ended up making love. That was only after a couple of weeks of dating.

 

Now, I just found out he's married! I feel so used, I'm so angry!! If I had known I would never have done anything with him. I respect marriage and relationships, and I would never get involved knowing that he has a 3 year old son and a wife! I feel sick!!

 

I haven't seen him in a week, and he doesn't know that I know. I want to trick him, I want my revenge. I know revenge isn't good, because it is based on anger and feelings, and it won't help the situation, but I feel so used, I feel so dirty; because he took advantage of me.

 

I want him to suffer badly!

 

So, has anyone got some idea, how to teach this bastard a lesson, or should I just do nothin and let him get away with it. Don't worry, i won't continue this any further. I don't want anything to do with a liar and a cheater.

[lovelorcet]

Just walk away and be rid of the whole thing...

[bish]

MG. I want to commend you. You are sooooo unlike alot of OM/OW on this forum.

 

You found out he is married and are doing the right thing by not continuing in this relationship with him. Very well done.

 

You want revenge? Hmmmm, well. You could tell the man's wife because she deserves to know what a cheating jackass she is married to, but then you'd be harming an innocent child in the process. If his kid was a teenager and older, maybe a different story.

 

Maybe you can just threaten him that you are going to tell his wife, then go NC. make him sweat it out thinking you are going to f#$k his world up good.

[outofdarkness]

I met this guy, and we connected on every single ground. I just felt so great with him. He would take me out to dinner, take long walks in the forrest, treat me like a godess. And then one thing lead to another and we ended up making love. That was only after a couple of weeks of dating.

 

Now, I just found out he's married! I feel so used, I'm so angry!! If I had known I would never have done anything with him. I respect marriage and relationships, and I would never get involved knowing that he has a 3 year old son and a wife! I feel sick!!

 

I haven't seen him in a week, and he doesn't know that I know. I want to trick him, I want my revenge. I know revenge isn't good, because it is based on anger and feelings, and it won't help the situation, but I feel so used, I feel so dirty; because he took advantage of me.

 

I want him to suffer badly!

 

So, has anyone got some idea, how to teach this bastard a lesson, or should I just do nothin and let him get away with it. Don't worry, i won't continue this any further. I don't want anything to do with a liar and a cheater.

You don't need to "teach him a lesson"..You may WANT to very badly, but that would really only hurt yourself, him and his kids? if he has any....The other poster is correct, RUN, don't walk away from this guy! If he tries to contact you, block his #..Don't answer any unknown caller ID calls, block his e mail, etc...That is the only way...the right way for you and everyone else involved...MM frequently "conveniently" leave out the fact that they are M..They have a much easier time keeping you on the hook that way b/c most decent people, sorry OW, would NOT have an R w/ a man that they know is m...Good luck.

[Tomcat33]

Not so much revenge but the right thing to do for everyone involved:

tell his wife.

 

I think you absolutely DO need teach him a lesson, you should NOT let him get away with what he did to you! STAND UP for yourself and let him know you are no one's fool. Don't sit there and take it passively, that's nonesense.

[outofdarkness]

Not so much revenge but the right thing to do for everyone involved:

tell his wife.

 

I think you absolutely DO need teach him a lesson, you should NOT let him get away with what he did to you! STAND UP for yourself and let him know you are no one's fool. Don't sit there and take it passively, that's nonesense.

I hate to get into it w/ you again, but you are really hard to resist...A's are very selfish and hurt all involved. Why should it be someone's right to "teach someone a lesson?"...Eventually, they all hang themselves anyway. The "lesson" that I was taught by OW was devastating and did not just "teach me a lesson!"...lol..The MM is generally NOT the one who is the most hurt; if at all, but "teaching lessons"...It's the W, kids and OW...b/c the anger just sits and festers...Besides, it's all part of the game...Don't you think MM's ego is inflated by all of this attention...ie, women fighting over him, even communicating about him...Some M really get off on this. Some humans get off on this...It's called narcissism...

[Tomcat33]

I hate to get into it w/ you again, but you are really hard to resist...A's are very selfish and hurt all involved. Why should it be someone's right to "teach someone a lesson?"...Eventually, they all hang themselves anyway. The "lesson" that I was taught by OW was devastating and did not just "teach me a lesson!"...lol..The MM is generally NOT the one who is the most hurt; if at all, but "teaching lessons"...It's the W, kids and OW...b/c the anger just sits and festers...Besides, it's all part of the game...Don't you think MM's ego is inflated by all of this attention...ie, women fighting over him, even communicating about him...Some M really get off on this. Some humans get off on this...It's called narcissism...

 

 

No one said anything about fighting over the CREEP. I said BLOW his cover and that's it teach him he messed around with the wrong girl then cut all contact with him after that. I don't see how any one in their right mind would think that's not appropriate given what he did. He deserves that and so much more.

 

Mother Goose don't take it sitting down, if his W is not playing a blind eye to his actions she will totally appreciate you for telling her, and he will in turn totally pay for what he did. He has to realise you are not to be messed with. You can't let him get away with what he did to you or his W.

[MotherGooze]

I want to teach him a lesson, but I don't want to hurt anyone else but him. There is a child involved. My son is of the same age as his, and I wouldn't want this child to be the victim, just because I'm angry. So, no I'm not going to tell his wife.

 

You're right, this is just a narcistisc jerk, maybe the best way to hurt him is to ignore him and pretend that I don't care; and I know in a while I won't care.

 

It's just awful, one day I'm so in love, thinking I found someone who I can finally feel so good with and the next day, I hate his guts.

 

ok, I did get a bit of my revenge though hehe, he was going to join my band, but I kicked him out yesterday and we have a performance this weekend. He could have earned some money with it hehe

 

I'm happy that I found out now, I wish I knew of it sooner, but at least, we weren't further into a relationship and I wasn't that commited to him yet.

[whichwayisup]

Do yourself a favour, call him up tell him that he's a f**k'n liar, a cheater and a selfish bastard who doesn't give a crap about his wife and children, then tell him NEVER to call you again. Slam phone down, end of story and don't look back.

 

Yes, you have EVERY right to be pissed at him, but think about his child and his wife. They didn't do anything wrong and honestly, it's not up to you to turn their lives upside down because you want to 'get him back.' You don't know about his life, maybe their child has health issues, or his wife is sick with cancer or something...Either way, their marriage, his life isn't your concern so just move on and forget you ever met him.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I'm a little conflicted when it comes to this, especially in a situation where there isn't a long term relationship between OW and MM. As a wife I would want to know. BUT something happened that changed my opinion on this. A freind came to me with a problem, a couple friends of his had been dating for a few years, she was divorced, 2 kids, owned her own home and he ran around on her like crazy with anyone, pretty much everyone thought he was an ass and she was a doll. She explained to my friend how they were going to combine assets, fix up HIS home with the money from the sale of her home and move in together. My friend at this point says she needs to know before she looses what has taken her so long to build. He came to me because he wanted my view on would I want to be told. We hashed it around and he decided not to tell, one week later on Christmas eve her 11 year old son was killed in a freak accident. I looked at my H and said, "MY GOD, I'm so glad noone told." If you don't know where someone is at the moment, you don't have a clue what effects it might hold for them.

 

THAT SAID, God would I want to have fun with this if I were you. My mind is reeling on things you might be able to do, I would make him sweat it out but I don't think I would come out and say it or threaten. I would show up at his house when they were both there pretending to be a Jehova's Wittness or something and watch him sweat it out. This guy is a real jerk, I'm glad you found out before your heart was in it too strongly, and I'm super glad that you weren't impressed by it, you wouldn't believe how many women think feel special because of the attentions of a MM. Yea, I would definately want to watch him squirm, that might be fun, but I don't consider that standing up for yourself. You're standing up for yourself by way of your personal stance on this, you're nobody's fool and revenge or no, that's not going to change who you are. Oh, and don't waste your money or time on Cupie Dolls, they don't work.

[torranceshipman]

Hey there MotherGooze,

 

Good on you for being angry at the cheating ass, and that need of yours for revenge? Well, I heartily believe that is something called 'instinct' telling you to act: it's just a matter of working out what that should really entail...

 

I completely reject anyone saying that because there is a child involved, you shouldn't tell. For goodness sake, this guy already couldn't care less about blowing his family apart - MUCH better the lying and dishonesty ends NOW, before the child gets any older. Lets face it, this is NOT the last time this MM will act this way - the A's will continue, the W will continue to be treated like dirt, the home will be an unhappy one....you can stop that damage in its tracks, and tell the W everything and out the guy. Make him responsible and acountable for what he's done. What we are talking about here is DAMAGE LIMITATION - stopping the hurt go further by stopping the guy now and letting the W know the truth. And this gives the W the best chance to work on the M, if she wants to, and that gives the child the best chance of a more stable home life.

 

One more thing...I agree with TomCat-we should all be here to teach eachother - to HELP eachother, stand up against wrongdoings the moment we see them, help eachother out so MM's get caught in the act and stop lying and to know there are consequences...so yes, teaching eachother a lesson - in the best possible way - by helping eachother out and stopping lying and dishonesty in its tracks...is the RIGHT thing to do. Every single time. Honesty is a big deal and A's RUN on dishonesty...thats why perpetuating a lie and doing nothing is the wrong thing to do.

[outofdarkness]

Hey there MotherGooze,

 

Good on you for being angry at the cheating ass, and that need of yours for revenge? Well, I heartily believe that is something called 'instinct' telling you to act: it's just a matter of working out what that should really entail...

 

I completely reject anyone saying that because there is a child involved, you shouldn't tell. For goodness sake, this guy already couldn't care less about blowing his family apart - MUCH better the lying and dishonesty ends NOW, before the child gets any older. Lets face it, this is NOT the last time this MM will act this way - the A's will continue, the W will continue to be treated like dirt, the home will be an unhappy one....you can stop that damage in its tracks, and tell the W everything and out the guy. Make him responsible and acountable for what he's done. What we are talking about here is DAMAGE LIMITATION - stopping the hurt go further by stopping the guy now and letting the W know the truth. And this gives the W the best chance to work on the M, if she wants to, and that gives the child the best chance of a more stable home life.

 

One more thing...I agree with TomCat-we should all be here to teach eachother - to HELP eachother, stand up against wrongdoings the moment we see them, help eachother out so MM's get caught in the act and stop lying and to know there are consequences...so yes, teaching eachother a lesson - in the best possible way - by helping eachother out and stopping lying and dishonesty in its tracks...is the RIGHT thing to do. Every single time. Honesty is a big deal and A's RUN on dishonesty...thats why perpetuating a lie and doing nothing is the wrong thing to do.

What I meant is that it is the WAY in which it's told that counts. I too, as a BW, believe that we should know. I just debate the way it's told...

[torranceshipman]

I agree with you OutofDarkness....I think honesty is always the right thing, but like you say, there has to be sensitivity in how its done....

[LN99]

I would avoid him from now on. As for getting revenge, be careful! This could all be turned around to make you look like the bad person...

 

The sad thing is that if he has done this to his wife this time, how many other times will he do the same thing? Also, I wonder how many times he has done this in the past even before you?

 

I think that if I was his wife, I would want to know. But if you don't tell her, I'm sure eventually she will figure it out. Especially if this is a pattern of his.

[IpAncA]

MG that's horrible. What an scum sucking a**hole pig. You didn't know so don't beat yourself up too much. I'm sure lots of women who have been with people who were married and didn't know it.

 

I know you want to get back at him but don't. He's not worth it.

 

I will say that if I had the chance to tell his W I would. In a way I would be just as bad IMO by keeping my mouth shut. I wouldn't feel right.

[Seen_It_All]

You could tell the man's wife because she deserves to know what a cheating jackass she is married to, but then you'd be harming an innocent child in the process.

With all due respect, MG is NOT the one harming this child. The married, lying PIG that conned her is the one harming his family and putting their security at risk. So let's not lay the 'harming' of ANYONE on MG's front porch.

 

MG, you should definitely tell this scumbag's wife. She has a RIGHT to know what a complete lying loser she's married to. He's risking HER sexual health every time he beds down another innocent "victim." Surely as the sun rises each morning, I'll guarantee you weren't the first he's pulled this on and you definitely won't be the last. And that's another reason to tell his wife, to protect other innocent women from being conned like you were. Maybe she'll be able to keep this loser off the streets and away from innocent women if she decides to keep his worthless a*ss and not boot him to the curb.

 

His wife needs to know. YOU'RE not harming anyone's kid or wife or marriage. That's all HIS doing.

[pricillia]

MG,

 

I was wondering how long you two have been dating,you said that you found out and he does not know that you found out, what happened or who told that you found out at last?

 

As a woman... intuition is 99.9% right all of the time, you must have had some feelings that things were not right?

 

Sometimes we don't want to believe that someome we feel so much for can lie to save thier own skin.

 

Who are you really angry at, him or yourself for letting him pull one over one you?

 

I only ask because the same thing happened to me... I did not know, fell for him but always in the back of my mind knew something was not right... I did not want to believe it.

 

I contmeplated telling too... even posted about it, and decided not to...

 

well maybe three months later I did it I called her and told... do I regret it...I am not sure yet.

 

But don't tell to get revenge, Take the high road and tell him if he ever contacts you again then the wife gets a phone call...(just like super former OW Been there done that did)

 

Peace...

[bish]

With all due respect, MG is NOT the one harming this child. The married, lying PIG that conned her is the one harming his family and putting their security at risk. So let's not lay the 'harming' of ANYONE on MG's front porch.

 

Not trying to lay it on MG, you are correct, its the MM's doing. I agree.

 

It just sucks that a child will have to be hurt in the process.

And yes, the wife absolutely has a right to know. I just don't think I could do it knowing a child was involved.

[MotherGooze]

MG,

 

I was wondering how long you two have been dating,you said that you found out and he does not know that you found out, what happened or who told that you found out at last?

 

As a woman... intuition is 99.9% right all of the time, you must have had some feelings that things were not right?

 

Sometimes we don't want to believe that someome we feel so much for can lie to save thier own skin.

 

Who are you really angry at, him or yourself for letting him pull one over one you?

 

I only ask because the same thing happened to me... I did not know, fell for him but always in the back of my mind knew something was not right... I did not want to believe it.

 

I contmeplated telling too... even posted about it, and decided not to...

 

well maybe three months later I did it I called her and told... do I regret it...I am not sure yet.

 

But don't tell to get revenge, Take the high road and tell him if he ever contacts you again then the wife gets a phone call...(just like super former OW Been there done that did)

 

Peace...

 

I eventually ended up not calling him anymore and not answering to his calls. He hasn't called yet in a couple of days, so I guess, he'll know I don't want anything to do with him. Wonder if he'll know why. heard his voice on my message machine, and sometimes that was painful, but on the other hand, it felt good. First he was worried, then hurt, then angry. I think he suffered more then I did.

 

We dated about 6 times before I ended up in bed with him. For me that's a lot faster then normal, because I always tend to wait for a very long time before making that kind of move or allowing annyone to make that move. But there was just so much passion, and I guess I've never been so spoiled in my life and needed that a bit. But that should have triggered some suspicion. I was just naive, and thought he really spoiled me because he liked me a lot. But I think he just needed an adventure. Maybe not the sex was important for him, but being with a younger attractive girl (haha... )

 

I really feel great about how I acted on this. About a year ago, I would have been the girl who would be devestated and hurt. Now I'm angry, but moving on. I just hope, I never have to see him again. He was in my band, but I asked my bass player to throw him out. Normally I would do that, because I'm the leader and it's my responsability, but I guess it was for the best.

 

I want to tell hiw wife, I really do, but really. She should know herself... How can't she.... he's a cheater, but if he doesn't come home at night, that's not normal right? I think she knows, even though I don't know her.