Mrs.WorkerBee Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Hi everyone - Is there such a thing as newlywed blues? Any thoughts on how to make it go away? Here's a little background: - My Husband and I got married about 4 months ago. He is an absolutely wonderful man. He's extremely patient, gentle, helps out with the house, funny, and the list goes on and on. There is literally nothing wrong with him. So I look within... - I work my butt off as Manager for a huge company in the US. I make great money, put up with a lot of BS, listen to 10 employees whine about extremely petty things, act as their babysitter & put in about 60-70 hours per week. (I'm in the process of looking for a new job). I make about 30K more than my Husband, which is not an issue between us. I constantly feel the pressure to want to get a house, rather than a tiny condo. (Home prices are insane in Orange County.) We want to have kids but have to get the debt/income ratio looking better. - I just don't feel happy. I can't figure out what's the problem. My physical activity level has dropped significantly since the tremendous workload + being hitched. I just can't seem to snap myself into being happier again. Before I got married, I remember being very happy. Is it the change from single to married life? Am I just one of those people that can't handle changes well? Maybe I should just stop whining and be extremely thankful that I have a job, a house and great Hubby. Any thoughts?
luvstarved Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 My first question is whether there has been any concurrent change in the work situation...have you taken on MORE responsibility, are things just otherwise busier lately, etc? If so, that could be a part of the problem... Even if things haven't changed there, and you were always superbusy yet happy...there are several thoughts I have on what could be making you blue. Don't know if any will ring true but FWIW... - maybe you are not quite as fulfilled by the work anymore now that you are married, it is not as important in some way such that now all the effort is more stressful and exhausting than it used to be - like, it's not really your "primary life" anymore, so why the hell is it sucking up so much of your time? Being physically tired by itself can make you feel blue, particularly when you're not feeling the rewards.. - great job, married, working on the debt - goals met, now what? Possibly some level of "is that all there is?" existential crap going on? - "constantly feel the pressure to want a big house" - pressure from whom? Maybe you feel some sort of loss of identity and/or control and feeling vaguely unsatisfied with this vision of yourself playing out life as Mr and Mrs Ostensibly Happy. - "nothing wrong with him". Wow. My face is burning from the flames of passion that leap from the screen upon reading those words. Maybe you let your head pick your mate instead of your heart? Those are my immediate thoughts on reading your story. Hope something useful is there. Best wishes.
luvstarved Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 OOOH forgot to mention one of the most likely ones. CHANGE ALL BY ITSELF is extremely stressful and can lead you to feel blue/overwhelmed. There is some list of "stressful life events" that I think most of us have run into at one time or another. Sure, death of a loved one is on the list, but so are MARRIAGE, NEW JOB, etc. I wouldn't say push your feelings aside, but 4 months is not a long time. Do allow yourself some time to adjust and honestly reflect. Obviously if you KNOW why you are feeling blue then you need to address the cause, but if it is just a vague thing, then give it some time and don't overanalyze. Yet!
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