tinke Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 i would like some feedback, for clarity's sake! i was in a LTR fo greater than 10yrs, with the last 3 LD(we visited every 2-3 mo). I was to join him in the near future and marry. i received a brief, superficial e-mail stating he is not interested any longer, then complete silence for several wks. no reply to my requests to talk this over, etc. after numerous attempts, finally he replied and said that he had been dating an aquaintance for a couple months and was engaged to marry. what goes on in someone's head? can someone truly move on so quickly after a long term relationship? how can someone be so very inconsiderate to not even feel some sort of obligation to discuss the situation, add to closure of some sort. what goes on in the minds of someone who can so coldly ignore the person they left so suddenly? has anyone experienced this? what were your thoughts?
Tony T Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 There is no point in speculating about what may have happened. However, it's obvious that he met somebody and all those fresh chemicals started oozing out of his glands and started the romance process anew. It's extremely hard to compete with newness. If you want a scientific explanation about how males respond to newness in relationships, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect I don't think this had anything at all to do with you. Your guy was not stable, not responsible and weak in the morals and commitment departments. I think you should celebrate that he did this now rather than wait until after he married you when the hurt would have been so much worse. Your relationship lasted longer than a great many marriages. Celebrate that...and celebrate that he is out of your life. I know it's hard right now...it does take time to heal...but your world will be better without him. Trust me!
Tony T Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 i appreciate your helpful insight! I feel so bad because my post was more matter of fact and straight forward. This guy is simply a coward. There are men who would much rather sink into the sunset that face somebody. Again, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I only wish there was something I could say to make this feel better for you...except that such a loser doesn't belong in your life. It's simply the style of many people not to want to confront issues. And while he's many miles away from you, breaking away is so much easier...especially for a worm like him.
Curmudgeon Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Somewhat of a parallel. I was married for 25 years. One day she announced she was leaving me. Come to find out she already had a boyfriend she'd met seven months earlier. Thereafter, she did everything she could do to make my life a living hell, to include alienating my children (we had five) from me. How can people do this? How can all those years, some good, some not so good, some even bad, but still half our lives together and with future plans count for so little? If the other lacks courage, morals, integrity, values, I guess it's easy. It can also be easy for them if they have a narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. Maybe some people are just basically rotten inside, uncaring, unloving and totally oriented on themselves. Speculation, at this juncture, will simply keep the hurt fresh. Time to move on, look ahead, take care of yourself, learn from the experience and find and do better in the future. I'm sorry this happened to you. I understand!
funkybassplayer Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I really feel for you, im in the same situation, and finding it really hard to move on. please read my post goodbye my lady. She moved on so fast and i wasnt to have any contact with her or her kids. It devetated me, and im still in shock. Its like all you have been ment nothing to them, all you did was nothing. I wish i cann say to her f...u but i love her and still feel for her. i cant. I understand how you feel.
Am4Real Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Tony T's "matter of fact" post, the first in these threads is closer to the truth. Many partner's checked out long before the break up and, for months and sometimes years try to work up the courage to let their other half know. When they finally work up the courage they just want things done since it has been on "their mind" for so long. The trouble is this news is simply “fresh” to the dumpee hence the feeling of insensitivity by the dumpee. It's likely, if you look back when you are up it, some of the signs of the dumper checking out were there – maybe even subtly and not easy to see, but there nonetheless. So in the end it is about the dumper's courage to communicate a change of heart when they first are having the urge to find love, companionship, or something and whatever...somewhere else. Am4Real
Recommended Posts