ensoniq Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Hi there -could do with some advice. My wife and I have been married for 14 years and we pretty much have both agreed that we're currently only staying together for the children. It's not that we don't get on - just that there is very little romance or feelings left between us. Obviously there would be financial issues if we split up (not to mention the social issues) but lately I've been feeling more and more that I'm just going through the motions and wondering about divorce etc. At the end of the day it's a choice between the kids and me finding someone to love again. Am I being selfish here and should I just accept the situation ? Any advice appreciated.
socialight Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 that you cannot bring back the romance and feelings? Based only on this cursory description, you sound like a bunch of quitters.
ritamae Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Find someone to love? She is right in front of you! Why don't you pretend she is a new person you are dating. What would you do? How would you treat her? Where would you take her? Would you bring flowers on the date? Come on man, EFFORT!!! So you are in a rut - like all marriages do - get through it and be happy again. Learn from that and the next time a rut comes around it will be easier.
Author ensoniq Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 C'mon guys - bunch of quitters and think of her as a new date? Give me a break.
socialight Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 no, actually I don't think I will. You both made vows of "till death do we part". not "till death or boredom". You have children. You have greater responsibilities than your own "happiness". Why don't you state for the record what exactly it is you and your wife have done to try and keep things going?
quiet1one1 Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 My "advice" is the same as the others albeit a little less harsh. For personal reasons, I have a *thing* about women doing this - suddenly saying "I'm not in love with you..." so here's my chance to digest it coming from the H. Well, I hate it just as much. Why is everything in our society so damn disposable? Anyway... Look, while I admit I've been on the receiving end, I've been there. My W *stopped* loving me and we're separating. Is she to blame or did I allow us to drift apart? We have so many questions to answer or reasons to find but it now may be too late. You spend so much time on kids, home, jobs, life, that you lose connection with who should be the most important person in your life. It happens to most couples. Based on the few specifics you wrote however, it seems like you may be one of the lucky ones where you maybe (?) are recognizing the disconnect at a time when there's still a chance to reconnect with each other and resurrect your relationship. It sounds like these are just thoughts or daydreams? There have been no affairs? No separations? You and your W have a chance to do something a lot of us out here wish we could've done - recognize it and fix it before it's too late. I urge you to do what's right for your marriage and your family. Get into individual and marriage counseling, go on a marriage building retreat, dump the kids and take time for the two of you, etc. Try and rediscover the feelings that drew you both together 14 years ago. I bet they're still there. Good luck.
Bobster999 Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Leave---in the long run the kids will be better off if you both are happy.
Recommended Posts