messylady Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Hi, I don't know what to do, I've posted here in a drunken upset state here a couple of times, then I took a few days just reading here and realising my situation is not quite as unique as I thought it was, the thing is though, my situation is tearing me apart, sometimes I feel the pain and longing is just too hard to take. My MM just disappeared, the last words we exchanged were 100% fine, then nothing at all since mid april, he has done this to me before but we'd fallen out for one reason or another, this time I don't think he is coming back, and without a reason or a goodbye I just cant accept it, he works most of the yr in saudi but i would see him 4 or 5 times a yr, and to be honest after seeing him I would come home alone in tears knowing I was shut out while he went and spent the rest of his time n the UK with his wife .. right now I know he is in this country and it is taking me everything not to phone his home ... he made me promises, he told me to "allow" myself to dream of whe we'd be together, he said I was his life.... now he has left me empty, and broken for no reason and all out of the blue... I must be such a joke to him, it took me a while to realise he was shutting me out this time, so i was texting him and emailing him constantly wondering if his phone or internet connection was down .. what a joke eh? When things were good between us i let him meet my family and friends... how could he let me do that... I know how wrong it is but if I have lost him without him having the ba**s to tell me I want payback, I want to hurt him like he has hurt me.. right now all I want to do is phone his home and either tell his wife or speak to him... I honestly dont feel as though I can deal with the pain he has left me in:(... i cant sleep or eat .. all I wanna do is lock myself away with this pain... sorry for rambling but this hurts so much .. he promised me for gods sake, why should he walk away this way ?
Mustang Sally Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Well, who knows? Maybe he was in a tragic car accident? Maybe there was an unforseen crisis in his family? Maybe he wants to end the relationship with you. I'm not really sure that it matters. If something happened that was beyond his control and you don't know about it, then I think this is a very telling statement of where you fit into (or don't) his life. If he is walking away from your relationship, then I think this is also a very telling statement of where you fit into (or don't) his life. Not trying to be mean. Just honest. I'm sorry you are hurting.
silktricks Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 It sounds like either he met a different ow, or his wife found out. I'd probably vote for the second. Either way though, he is an ass for not at least saying to you that it was over between you. Keep your chin up, and remember the best revenge is living well. There is such a thing as karma, and it gets is all in the end.
9Lives Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Man. I am soooo sorry. Unfortunately, you are going to have to ride this out and be determined never to let him hurt you like this again. If he is not communicating with you, at this time, there is nothing you can do. You are going to have to stop beating up on yourself. That is for sure. Be assure that you are not the only one who has gone thru this and we are here to help you. I wish I knew more to say to comfort you.
Author messylady Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 thanks for the replys, Sally, you dont sound harsh, you aint saying anything I have not told myself, silk ? I have an awful feeling he got a better offer,9 thank you, i keep going over and over our last words, i even have messenger history that i go over and over, he said in our last conversation that he loved seeing me smile and he loved me... then he was gone... am sorry, tonight is bad, I hoped to god he'd realise he missed me and come to me or contact me... seems he took it upon himself to do the NC thing ... without warning me... tonight I am gutted, I am now 48 and this has gone on since i was 44, i thought i was past all this .. hah.. I just dont know where to start picking up the pieces:(... so i sit here with my winr trying not to phone his home:confused:
9Lives Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 babygirl, love aint THAT mean. He must know that you are wanting to hear from you and has chosen not to. Unless something has happen to him, he should not treat you this way. It is cruel. This aint love. Sorry.
Author messylady Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 I know 9lives... I know that if he cared in the least way he'd not do this... last time he vanished he said it was for my own good so i could make a life for myself.... this time tho I cant rid myself of the feeling that i cant be the only one hurting... he deserves to hurt to.. I know that for whatever reason I have lost him, I cant deal with it, I have nothing, he has brought me to my knee's... i feel like the woman scorned and cant let him walk away just like that... why should I after 3 yrs of lies ?
Author messylady Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 silktricks.. i hope there is such a thing as Karma, I really do !!
9Lives Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I did not know you have been in this R for 3 years. I think he loves you and does not really want to end it but knows he should so therefore...rather than say good bye...he perfers to walk away without a word. If this is the case, he is feeling you too but has decided to let it go. My heart aches for you. If he cant say good bye...I really dont know what to say but you are going to have to try to get pass this. TRUST me, I know it must be hard but what other choice do you have? I mean really. I hope you will get to the point that you get rid of him. He is killing you. I know you are in love and curious and hoping all of this is worth it but damm I dont see how you can keep getting hurt like this. This scares me. It makes my stomach hurt.
tinke Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 after reading your post, the one thing that stuck in my mind was "he has done this before", etc. speaking from experience, unfortunately, patterns of behavior repeat themselves. he is showing you another side to him, take notice! realistically, it seems if he truly WANTED to contact you, he would find a way. after all, i'm guessing, he did not hesitate to contact you when he was meeting his needs. maybe...his needs have changed. however, regardless....do take care of you, nurture yourself. revenge is simply ugly and it takes a lot of energy..and ask yourself...will it change the situation? he appears to be very selfish in not allowing some explanantion, but again, he is displaying a "different" side of himself to you. i have learned, if someone truly cares, the thought of knowingly hurting someone is unspeakable. take care of you.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Hi, I don't know what to do, I've posted here in a drunken upset state here a couple of times, then I took a few days just reading here and realising my situation is not quite as unique as I thought it was, the thing is though, my situation is tearing me apart, sometimes I feel the pain and longing is just too hard to take. My MM just disappeared, the last words we exchanged were 100% fine, then nothing at all since mid april, he has done this to me before but we'd fallen out for one reason or another, this time I don't think he is coming back, and without a reason or a goodbye I just cant accept it, he works most of the yr in saudi but i would see him 4 or 5 times a yr, and to be honest after seeing him I would come home alone in tears knowing I was shut out while he went and spent the rest of his time n the UK with his wife .. right now I know he is in this country and it is taking me everything not to phone his home ... he made me promises, he told me to "allow" myself to dream of whe we'd be together, he said I was his life.... now he has left me empty, and broken for no reason and all out of the blue... I must be such a joke to him, it took me a while to realise he was shutting me out this time, so i was texting him and emailing him constantly wondering if his phone or internet connection was down .. what a joke eh? When things were good between us i let him meet my family and friends... how could he let me do that... I know how wrong it is but if I have lost him without him having the ba**s to tell me I want payback, I want to hurt him like he has hurt me.. right now all I want to do is phone his home and either tell his wife or speak to him... I honestly dont feel as though I can deal with the pain he has left me in:(... i cant sleep or eat .. all I wanna do is lock myself away with this pain... sorry for rambling but this hurts so much .. he promised me for gods sake, why should he walk away this way ? Hi messylady. Your post is so painful to read. My guess for why he's stopped all contact with you is because the last time you spoke, he sensed that you've become "clingy" or "too much in love with him" and he couldn't handle it any longer. Trust me, it's better this way. DOn't contact him any more. Just let him go. He doesn't want to drag you further down, and this is his way of letting go. You have to let go too, or else, you will only have yourself to blame, if you know what I mean. I know that my words are not going to agree with your stomach. I have been where you've been, not quite exactly. But I have felt the depth of love and passion, and I almost fell through the earth! We lose so much of ourselves when we fall in love. It is not easy take ourselves back and resume life as before it all began. But you must. That was how you've lived all these years. I can tell you that I've swung back. I've come back to myself and more. I am wiser and I love myself more than I ever had. So in a way, that was the best thing that happened to me. I was loved and I loved more than I thought I was capable of loving someone. I was "free" during that time and I love every second of it. But it was too intense for him, I think. He chose the easier life. But ending our relationship turned out to be the best for me too. I was on the verge of losing my mind and everything that was me. So getting away allowed me to find myself again - but the better version of me. I am no longer hiding behind being nice. I no longer play dumb to stroke someone's ego. ha! I used to do that alot because I learned a long time ago that men don't find smart women attractive. We live and we learn. What more can we ask for?
Curmudgeon Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I learned a long time ago that men don't find smart women attractive. Where did you "learn" that? A smart woman is a true gift. I wouldn't want to be with any other kind (BTDT).
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Where did you "learn" that? A smart woman is a true gift. I wouldn't want to be with any other kind (BTDT). C, thanks. Thant's sweet. I think that "attraction" evolves as people ages as well. So perhaps I'm just looking at the wrong age group!
Author messylady Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 Thanks to everyone who replied, it really does make me feel a little less alone, well it's another day without him, and I guess I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other until it the hurt starts to go away... thank you all so much tho x
9Lives Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Yes, keep putting one foot in front of the other. This guy is not making your life better. He is making his and another woman life better. He is making your worst and making you suffer. YOU cant build a healthy life this way for yourself. See how much has been taking away from you already. Look at how you feel. Why would he bring this to you.
PoshPrincess Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Really feel for you, Messy. This is obviously a v difficult time for you. There could be many reasons why MM has not contacted you but whatever they are, he has been a complete a**hole for not letting you know his intentions. My thinking is that his W has probably got suspiscious. MY suspiscions tell me that he may well be in touch again at some time and that he won't even think twice about it. That's just MO. Whatever he does please don't let him into your life again. Unless he has been in a coma for the past two months there was always some way that he could contact you! If he WAS just doing it to make the pain easier for you but if didn't have the guts to be honest to your face or was worried you might talk him into staying then he could have at least written you a letter or something! It's making me angry just thinking about him. Listen hun, you really do have to start moving on for your own sanity. We've all been there and are all here for you if you need advice or just want to vent. Lots of luck and take care of yourself! x
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