kali420 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I'm getting over my ex slowly. It's been a month of NC. The last time I saw her was really hard to bear. She was with her new boyfriend. Some guy I knew from before. An old co-worker. Anyways, on occasion, she does hang out with my friends. As all the friends that I have made out here in Las Vegas are from my old work. She still works there, and are their friends too. I don't feel like branching out and finding new friends. It took me awhile to make these friends. I love hanging out with them. They are like my second family. I mean, I have more of a right to hang with them more than she does. (That's how I feel anyways) She met them through me. Obviously, this feeling is not right or logical in any sense. I just don't want nothing to do with her and her new boyfriend. How do I handle this? Do I force myself to branch out? I already made up my mind, that I do not want her in my life at all. I just was hurt she dated someone I know. I posted before about this. I know that we are broken up. That means all the bonds we shared are gone. I accept that. I accept she moved on. Cool. But, I don't want to ever see her. Talk to her. No Contact, to the extreme. Any advice, or similar experiences to share?
passionpeach Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Wow... I know what you are going through right now is difficult but you really have to put up a brave face on this one. You do not have to make new friends and branch out. Hang out with your friends like usual. You may want to invite your old buddies out and maybe you can tell them about your situation so that whenever they go out with your ex, they will help you guys have a not-so-awkward environment. Do not let your friendship with this people die just because of your ex. That is just a sign of bitterness. It may not be comfortable the first time you guys go out but believe me that you will be able to get over this. Happened to me.. It all worked out fine.
oppath Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Let go of the mutual friends. I repeat, let go of the mutual friends. Only hang out with those closest to you. Keep in mind, IT DOES NOT MEAN FOREVER. It means, just for now. Hang out with your closest friends, but let the ones on the fringe stay there for a while. In a few months, when you are more healed, you can incorporate them back into your life. Yes, it sucks. But they will still be your friends. Hang out with them on your turf. Take charge of your life. You plan social outings so you aren't dependent on them and the possibility of running into or hearing about your ex. Make things on YOUR TURF. It is hard to reach out and make new friends, but I'll tell you what...it will likely lead you to a new girlfriend eventually, considering half of relationships occur through friends of friends. To meet someone new, you'll be well served by making new friends. You aren't ready yet, cool. But making new friends will help you heal and give you something exciting to look forward to. How to do it? Find 3 passions: classes, sports leagues, etc, that are coed. Do them. do them for yourself. Make new friends. Most people make new friends by being around the same people frequently. Put yourself in situations where you will be around the same people frequently. Good luck, I know it's tough. I tried holding on to some mutual friends and it ruined my esteem. I decided to let go alltogether. the ones that sought me out will stay my friends. But I hang out with them on my turf, meaning, I'll see them when I invite them out. I won't hang out with the larger group that includes my ex, so if they invite me someplace: no. Only on my turf. Keep in mind I am NOT saying forever. I am saying, just for now. Give it a couple months. Your friends will still be your friends.
Author kali420 Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 Thanks for the feedback. I could use a little bit of both your views on this. I wish I put on the brave face when I first met them. I almost lost it. I wish she didn't know that it bothered me. In fact wished no one knew it bothered me. I've been feeling kind of embarassed.
oppath Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Embarrassed? for being dumped and hurt? Anyone who is truly your friend will UNDERSTAND. Break ups suck. They are the worst thing to emotionally endure. It's going to be tough, but you will get through it.It doesn't make you weak to avoid situations that make you feel bad, it means you empower yourself to do so. Hang out with them, but do it on your grounds.
socialight Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 except that I made an active effort to stay in touch with most of our mutual crew, because they were largley hers before hand. Just keep inviting them to things, etc all, and don't invite the ex. You will find out who are real friends are, if you haven't already. Also don't forget that is she totally hosed you over, as was the case in my situation, she will probably feel more awkward being around you than vice versa.
Recommended Posts