greystone08 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Hey everyone, My gf and i have been together for 4 years and love eachother. We're both from Colorado. When i met her, she was going to College in Houston TX. During our first year, I was finishing up my degree in Colorado so we did the ld relationship. Since i was graduating and had no set job in Colorado, i decided to move to Houston. She had been urging me to move to Houston for months but she understood that i had to graduate first. I already wanted to move there because i had family down there and i was looking for a change of scenery and plus, she was down there. To make a long story short, i moved down to Houston, got a job and we've been together ever since (for the last 3 years). We've even been living together off and on and she's continued to go to school. Now, 3 years later she's bringing up leaving Houston to either move back to Colorado because she misses her family or either go to graduate school in Iowa where she's doing her internship. She states that she could possible get a deal where they'll pay her to go to grad school out there and $1500/month we could both live off of. The problem is, she wants me to move with her. I feel like i already stopped my life once to move to Houston and really have no intentions on moving again to start over. Even though i don't have the best job ($24,000/year), i've been applying and am continuing to apply to higher paying jobs. I've even saved up enough money to make a down payment on a house and i'd like to do that. Now, I'm a little resitant to find a better job or buy a house here because my girlfriend might be leaving. Point is, i dont want to plan my life around her. I have dreams of my own of upgrading my career right here in Houston and would like to purchase a house. I told my gf that i don't think i wouldn't really have a lot of Self-respect as a man by just following her around. I mean i already moved to Houston and settled my life here, i'm not ready to leave. Plus, people never get ahead in life if they're always moving. My gf says that i'm letting my pride get in the way of our love and if i really love her, i shouldn't care about looking like i'm following her. She also says if i refuse to go w/ her, i'd be letting her go, thus throwing away the relationship. I told her that she'd be the one walking away from the relationship I need some advice. I'm trying advance my career I already have now, here in Houston. Three years ago, she was rushing me to get down to Houston and now she's talking about leaving. I'm not ready to leave. Does it sound like that's pride. I understand if she gets paid to go to grad school somewhere else, that's her future and shouldn't give that up for anyone. She has about another semester left in undergrad. She says she wouldn't be happy w/out me in her life. She has a 3.0 GPA and is more bound to make more $ than me but this talk about moving around is making me wonder if our days together are numbered. I know its my decision and all but please... I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE SOME VIEWPOINTS AND ADVICE.
Author greystone08 Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 I hate to sound pushy but i'm really needing to know some other's take on the situation. Please share any viewpoints
Aussie65 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Hey everyone, My gf and i have been together for 4 years and love eachother. We're both from Colorado. When i met her, she was going to College in Houston TX. During our first year, I was finishing up my degree in Colorado so we did the ld relationship. Since i was graduating and had no set job in Colorado, i decided to move to Houston. She had been urging me to move to Houston for months but she understood that i had to graduate first. I already wanted to move there because i had family down there and i was looking for a change of scenery and plus, she was down there. To make a long story short, i moved down to Houston, got a job and we've been together ever since (for the last 3 years). We've even been living together off and on and she's continued to go to school. Now, 3 years later she's bringing up leaving Houston to either move back to Colorado because she misses her family or either go to graduate school in Iowa where she's doing her internship. She states that she could possible get a deal where they'll pay her to go to grad school out there and $1500/month we could both live off of. The problem is, she wants me to move with her. I feel like i already stopped my life once to move to Houston and really have no intentions on moving again to start over. Even though i don't have the best job ($24,000/year), i've been applying and am continuing to apply to higher paying jobs. I've even saved up enough money to make a down payment on a house and i'd like to do that. Now, I'm a little resitant to find a better job or buy a house here because my girlfriend might be leaving. Point is, i dont want to plan my life around her. I have dreams of my own of upgrading my career right here in Houston and would like to purchase a house. I told my gf that i don't think i wouldn't really have a lot of Self-respect as a man by just following her around. I mean i already moved to Houston and settled my life here, i'm not ready to leave. Plus, people never get ahead in life if they're always moving. My gf says that i'm letting my pride get in the way of our love and if i really love her, i shouldn't care about looking like i'm following her. She also says if i refuse to go w/ her, i'd be letting her go, thus throwing away the relationship. I told her that she'd be the one walking away from the relationship I need some advice. I'm trying advance my career I already have now, here in Houston. Three years ago, she was rushing me to get down to Houston and now she's talking about leaving. I'm not ready to leave. Does it sound like that's pride. I understand if she gets paid to go to grad school somewhere else, that's her future and shouldn't give that up for anyone. She has about another semester left in undergrad. She says she wouldn't be happy w/out me in her life. She has a 3.0 GPA and is more bound to make more $ than me but this talk about moving around is making me wonder if our days together are numbered. I know its my decision and all but please... I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE SOME VIEWPOINTS AND ADVICE. You say you don't want to plan your life around her....if you love this lady and want to be with her then you will do whatever it takes to make this work.Four years is a long time to be with someone,not engaged or married,still just living together.You both are committed to each other even if there is no marriage certificate.If you love her,you will make sacrifices and hey,who knows,this next move could very well be a good one for you both and you could end up with a higher paying job.All the best.
Author greystone08 Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 You say you don't want to plan your life around her....if you love this lady and want to be with her then you will do whatever it takes to make this work.Four years is a long time to be with someone,not engaged or married,still just living together.You both are committed to each other even if there is no marriage certificate.If you love her,you will make sacrifices and hey,who knows,this next move could very well be a good one for you both and you could end up with a higher paying job.All the best. Thanks for your reply. I agreee with alot of stuff you said but i already feel i made the sacrifice when i moved to Houston. I mean come on? If i just go where she goes all the time it makes me feel like I don't have have control over my own life.
Sobri821 Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 There is not a limit on sacrifices made for love. You career can advance anywhere you want it to. Maybe this issue is deeper than "changing to accomadate her". Maybe you feel left out of the plans she is making. I think you should evaluate your relationship, realize that you spent the last four years with this woman. If you love her and want to be with her, than you will make the right choice. Also urge her to compromise. Maybe moving somewhere in between will be better for you both. Life is progression, there is nothing wrong with moving as long as you move foward and not back.
Sobri821 Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I need some advice. I'm trying advance my career I already have now, here in Houston. Three years ago, she was rushing me to get down to Houston and now she's talking about leaving. I'm not ready to leave. Does it sound like that's pride. I understand if she gets paid to go to grad school somewhere else, that's her future and shouldn't give that up for anyone. She has about another semester left in undergrad. She says she wouldn't be happy w/out me in her life. She has a 3.0 GPA and is more bound to make more $ than me but this talk about moving around is making me wonder if our days together are numbered. I know its my decision and all but please... I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE SOME VIEWPOINTS AND ADVICE. You sound threatend, scared and a bit envious of her. It's alomst as if you think that moving will better her life and give her lots of power. I understand you moved for her. But you also moved for yourself also. Did she hold a gun to your head? You were not forced just urged. Good things did come out of you moving the first time to be with her. Maybe it is all PRIDE, not wanting to follow behind the girlfriend, being uncertain about your career while she advances hers. Get over it. It's not a big deal. Start looking for jobs near or where she wants to move. ITS BEEN 4 YEARS! FOR GOD SAKES, TAKE LOVE AND MAKE IT WORK! If you can honestly say your relationship is good and the only thing troubling it is this move, then fight to keep it.
allina Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 There is not a limit on sacrifices made for love. I don't know about that. I'm all about compromising and supporting your SO but where is the OP's gf compromising? I see where he is coming from, it's like she's making all the calls, all the decisions and leading her life with no regard to his dreams or wants. It's as if he's just a possession that she feels like she can pack and take with her whenever she moves. Doesn't she recognize him as a man with his own ideas, roots, goals, likes and dislikes? The only thing that I can see from hr side is that she seems more driven and has a set plan. She knows her options, what she wants and even figured out the money situation. You on the other hand don't have a specific goal and are just "looking for a better job" something that in her eyes can be found anywhere.
Author greystone08 Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 Thanks for all the replies. Special thanks to allina for seeing my point of view. I'll admit, it is a little bit about pride. I'm not afraid to see my woman advance her career but the thing is she's already had it set in her mind that she won't make it IN Houston. She hasn't even graduated college and applied for any jobs before coming to that conclusion. She really just wants to be closer to her family in Colorado, in which i can understand that. But this is life and people have to move from their families all the time. She already made a decision to go to college out of state. As far as my situation, i never said that i wasn't going to do it. I will keep an open- mind but at the same time, i will not have very much respect for myself as a man by following my woman around everytime she decides to go somewhere. Yes, moving to Houston was for me as well but i did want to be w/her. I hope this whole pride thing doesn't come off as chauvinistic, but i am being honest. If i'm not happy with myself then i will not be happy by love.
serial muse Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Hm. Well, it does sound like it's all about pride to me, and I'm not sure I see that as a good reason to make this kind of major life decision. It really doesn't sound like you love Houston or have any particular attachment to the place, or any particular job prospects there that you wouldn't have elsewhere; you're just being stubborn because she's making a decision and you feel like you have no control. But that's foolish - whether you stay or go with her, you can take charge of your life, and you can make forward-thinking decisions. That would be being active rather than passive. Staying in Houston just because you're too proud to let her make the decision of where you live at this moment is basically a passive-aggressive control tactic. Not very manly. If you have a specific reason to want to stay - other than you don't want it to be up to her - then that's valid. But why Houston? Perhaps you should spend some time figuring out your own options and where you want your life to go, and then discuss the possibility of a move (or not) with her on those terms. Then you'd be coming from a place of reason, strength and understanding, you'd be discussing your future prospects together, you'd be figuring things out for yourself - rather than just digging in your heels like a 5-year-old who isn't getting his way. If you can't get over needing to have a power struggle over something like this then I'm afraid it doesn't bode well for your future together. And it makes me wonder where else in your lives together you have this feeling of not having control, and are feeling some form of resentment (I do hear resentment in your post).
LoveLace Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I see many couples that move around because one of them getting a new job, etc. Sometimes its the man and other times it is the woman. Both genders are career oriented now-a days, remember? So ya gotta expect these things. The only person who'd think your "less of a man", would be you. Letting her go without you and sacrificing the relationship, would only be to prove to yourself that you don't need her or anyone else...which shows your independent and thats good. You must decide what you want more, a life with her no matter what, or to reach your goals without her by your side, without her support and love. You can still have it all if you go with her. Do you think that she would follow you if the sitch was reversed? Consider that. People in love are supposed to want to get through life together, no matter what changes they might have to make.
Author greystone08 Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 Not very manly. If you have a specific reason to want to stay - other than you don't want it to be up to her - then that's valid. But why Houston? Perhaps you should spend some time figuring out your own options and where you want your life to go, and then discuss the possibility of a move (or not) with her on those terms. Then you'd be coming from a place of reason, strength and understanding, you'd be discussing your future prospects together, you'd be figuring things out for yourself - rather than just digging in your heels like a 5-year-old who isn't getting his way. If you can't get over needing to have a power struggle over something like this then I'm afraid it doesn't bode well for your future together. And it makes me wonder where else in your lives together you have this feeling of not having control, and are feeling some form of resentment (I do hear resentment in your post). I don't know what i did or said in my post to deserve such a harsh response. But there is no resentment towards her. She's still in school and hasn't even been offered anything yet. So how can i resent something she doesn't even have yet. Alot of people on here are trying to make me out to be some envious man who can't stand to see his woman outdo him and that's not the case at all. I've already stated why i feel the way i do and to repeat it again will just make me sound like a broken record.
fetish Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 hey grey. By the previous responses, i think all the people who've replied to your thread are mainly women who think its stupid for a man to have a little pride and self respect. I'm going to give you a real answer. I understand you're not wanting to follow your woman around partly because you'll feel weak and like she has you on a leash right? Also you are already in Houston trying to advance your career. She out of the blue just says to move and you're supposed to do it. Why don't you go fetch a bone and bark for her real loud. Oh and while you're on your knees, lick her toes while you down there. Greystone, do what you feel is right for you. I myself wouldn't just hop up and follow my woman around unless i was married. So that's an idea, maybe if you guys go ahead get married it would probably you'd feel more neutral. You guys have been together for 4 years, might as well go ahead!
Author greystone08 Posted June 15, 2007 Author Posted June 15, 2007 Thanks fettish for that honest answer. I think alot of what you said is right Thanks to everybody who replied but i sure wish i could get more viewpoints and responses . Oh well, maybe i'd just better go try hire a shrink!
Author greystone08 Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 Quick update. I've been applying to jobs in both Houston and colorado. She graduates this May and hasn't put in any applications anywhere. Her mom is a beautician in Colorado and is trying to have her move back to Colorado. She doesn't care if we make it BTW, her mom is crazy! My girlfriend told me that her mom does someone's hair who happens to be a recruiter for some phone company in Colorado Springs, and that she could get my g/f a job making 45-50k (according to my g/f). Right now, i don't think she has any idea what she's going to do. I do believe her mom is telling her she has this big old grandoise job for her, but her mom has been known to lie to get what she wants. I think she just wants her daughter back home so she can help with the kids living at home.
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