serial muse Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I have this childhood friend, with whom I had a falling out some years back. We sort of reconciled after my divorce, but to be honest, I just kind of didn't want to become as close again because she's rather a pain and it takes a lot of work to get along with her. My best friend (we all grew up together) had her own falling out with this woman a few years back, and, like me, has since gotten over it but isn't willing to put in the effort to become close with her again. Still, this woman happened to be in the same city as my best friend, and they had dinner together to catch up. My friend told me about it later. Apparently, it was okay, although some sad things are happening in the estranged friend's life. Still, my best friend's husband (who was also there) commented on how annoying this woman is, and how he couldn't understand how we could have all been friends for so long and put up with it. It's weird, because I guess the truth is, it's not like I didn't know she was annoying. I guess I sort of took her at face value for a long time, until the falling out. Even now, I just feel kind of sad for her, but I don't know that I'd want to get back in touch because I don't know that I want to get sucked in. She's just kind of a toxic person I guess. My best friend feels much the same way I do, and then she said in this sort of resigned way that she guesses this woman just has a "bad personality." I thought that was an interesting way to put it, and it sounds harsh and judgmental on the face of it, but...yeah, it's kind of true. I guess some people just have a bad personality. Sigh. It's all very saddening. When you're kids, you think that people will grow out of stuff. But sometimes, they don't.
polywog Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I agree. It's sad, but there are some people just too damaged to ever be worth maintaining a friendhsip with. It's hard to comprehend, but I have had this painful experience of deciding not to continue friendships like this.
Author serial muse Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 There's a woman posting around here in the Friendship board - the one in the band who kicked her friend out of the band. The way she talks - no self-awareness, lots of self-righteousness, just a plain inability to empathize or allow other points of view - she really reminds me strongly of this friend in some ways. I guess it's hard for me to accept that someone may simply be incapable of feeling or expressing any empathy, because I tend to go overboard in the empathy direction myself. So I sort of figured it would work itself out eventually, or that it wasn't that important. I think that's why I managed to stay friends with her for so long - more than 20 years. But in the end, I just felt tired and drained. Bleh. It feels wrong to cut people off. Life is so short. But it's also not right to feel used! Bleh.
Recommended Posts