Minora Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 hey. I'm currently involved in a xcountry LDR. UCBerkeley and UPenn. Not very close, but we've made do with occasional plane trips to each other's place for a whole year. She's my highschool girlfriend and I love being with her. The problem lies with all the times I'm not with her. Most of you guys stay in a LDR because the benefits of being together with them in the future outweighs the ordeals of the present. I have 3 years of undergraduate college left, not to mention that afterwards, I don't know where I'd be positioned at. One friend told me that if I really loved her, I'd bear through it. It's a sound argument, but I want to mention my other friend's rebuttal. He told me that I should break off the relationship. His point of view states that the cost of LDR is extremely high, because investing yourself in a LDR essentially means cutting off all potential relationship ties for an elongated period of time. Under that assumption, its important to differentiate the reasons for LDR: 'love' and 'not wanting to be alone,' and whether or not I'm staying with my GF for the right reason. I've really been thinking about it the past week. I do love my GF, but I also do love not being alone. All in all, I'd hate to look back and wonder "what if?" -Minora Sin
thoughtsofhim Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I have just made it through my first year of LD too, and I've asked myself a lot of those same questions. I can't really answer your questions but I can tell you my experiences. When I was questioning whether my relationship was "love" or "comfort" I posted on here and got some really good responses. In the end I decided I needed some time and space to think. I explained to him my troubles and asked him to take a break to clear my head. After about a week or so of not speaking it just became extremely hard to get him off my mind. I made sure i had plenty of things to do and was constantly out with my friends, but none of that could make me as happy as having a conversation with him. It felt like something was missing. In the end I realized that it takes love to have that secure feeling in a relationship. When I removed my "security/comfort" by taking a break I realized that the love was still there and even stronger than I thought. It's the love that creates the comfort level not the comfort creating the love. I'm sure you've both had a lot of ups and downs this past year and if you've made it through that, then I believe its worth fighting for. You don't have to completely cut off other relationships either. Close friendships will help you get through this and time will pass faster than you know. I can't believe a year has already passed for us. Thats just my two cents. My boyfriend and I are still going strong and I hope things turn out for you also.
Recommended Posts