trent25 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I am not a girl so I don't know or can advise a woman on relationship problems. So I am going to try to share my experiences with the dudes. I have experienced a life changing event the last two months. It came a little late in my life but I now know what I need to have to be successful with future relationships. These are my opinions, feel free to disagree but please do not accuse me of anything. I don't care if you don't agree with them. This is just how I feel. These are my personal experiences and feelings. First and foremost. If a chick breaks up with you and leaves you for reasons where you are not at fault (cheating on her, beating her with a stick, starving her, or threatening, stalking, harming her or any of her friends, pets, or family in any shape or form) you need to move on as soon as she says peace out. This means no begging, crying, groveling, or any other thing that is not natural for a man to do. Women hate this. They don't want a man to cry about them. They want a man to cry for. So when she breaks up, say "Okay sweetheart, I'll see you on the other side". If you didn't do those things I mentioned, she broke up with you because she is no longer attracted to you. You lost attraction. You can lose attraction in all sorts of ways. She could be young, psycho, interested in a long lost love that screwed her over. You can say something wrong, or do something she doesn't like. But mostly its because you open up, become needy, less of a challenge. She needs to know that every morning she wakes up with you, could be her last. She could lose you at any time. You can get any girl you want, and, you can live without a woman at anytime. Ever wonder why some chicks you see try all they can to NOT lose their men even though they are short, ugly, and hideous? Because they have not opened up and refuse to give the girl they somehow got everything they want. This is not a game. This is our culture. This is what MOST women like and want. This should be natural for a man. To love his woman, but be able to walk away at any time. I have learned never to wear my heart on my sleeve. Always love your woman but never over emphasize it. You don't have to say it or show it all the time. When you look at her, she should know. Never lose your friends over her. Never revolve your world around her. She could be gone anytime. She has no obligations to you. Always act kind and like a gentleman, but never like someone who is too cocky where he can get anything you want. You can't. But you should be indifferent. I believe she should PROVE that she wants to be with you, just like you proved when you were courting her. After you do the courting and show her your interested, she should reciprocate this. You should NEVER!!!! consider, think, or dream, about killing yourself over a woman. You were brought here to be a man, not kill yourself over a woman. There are very few things in this world to die for. A girl is not one of them. You do this only if she is your wife and is the mother of your children. You die for your FAMILY. Not your exgirlfriend who DUMPED you. So stop writing about it. I believe that women could be the most loyal creatures in the world. They will stick with you and go to the depths of hell with you. I am not talking about the 20 yr old girl who is trying to impress her friends. Take this into consideration when you get dumped by young girls. They don't know what they want. But a woman who is feminine, sincere, and loyal can bring the best out of you. But even she will not put up with an emotional, overbearing, needy, and insecure man. I really believe this. Our culture (I live in the States) tries to show that being a man is threating and should be controlled. It is not true. It is so damn hard to move on when someone you love has dumped you. But think about it this way; If you did nothing wrong, if you gave it all you had, what more can you do? Nothing. You leave it to the man upstairs or whoever the hell you believe in and move on. It is really hard but I know of no other option. I don't know what else to do to bring back the girl I tried to help and love for the last seven months. I am out of options. Even if you didn't give it all, or if you didn't have a chance to change, if you don't get a chance to show her, what can you do? Nothing......I need a chance to show my exgirlfriend, but she won't give me that chance. Maybe my efforts can be better appreciated somewhere else. So don't feel guilty if you screwed some things up. If a girl likes you, she will give you a million chances as long as she sees you really love her. But some will never give you that chance because they really don't give a damn. Neither should you.
Jack'a Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Very very very well said... I couldn't agree more... But sometimes when you are in love with somebody you fail to stay head strong... I guess that's a part of growing up, I've certainly learnt my lesson... But whether if I can put it all into practice is another case
laRubiaBonita Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 First and foremost. If a chick breaks up with you and leaves you for reasons where you are not at fault (cheating on her, beating her with a stick, starving her, or threatening, stalking, harming her or any of her friends, pets, or family in any shape or form) you need to move on as soon as she says peace out. that is my favorite part!
ahah2322 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 hey trent25, although im not a guy, i thought this was extremely well said. take care and be well
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Maybe my efforts can be better appreciated somewhere else. So don't feel guilty if you screwed some things up. If a girl likes you, she will give you a million chances as long as she sees you really love her. But some will never give you that chance because they really don't give a damn. Neither should you. Well said. I am a woman. What you've said there is the best advice you can give yourself at this point. Young people put a lot of emphasis on love. As I've grown older, I am more able to separate love into components, such as passion, lust, care, consideration, etc... The sort of love that you are probably referring to is passionate love, the type that is associated with one's libido. You will soon learn that even that - passionate love and sex - are not an important quality in a relationship. If you mess up, there are a million ways to fix the mess. The question is, does she want it fixed? In your case with your ex, she doesn't want to fix what's broken. She wants to find the perfect Prince Charming. It is a common disease in American women, so be prepared.
ddnnee Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 i agree to everything you said. very true, very wise. now all we have to do is wait for an idealist girl that will argue against it.
Walk Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 If a girl likes you, she will give you a million chances as long as she sees you really love her. But some will never give you that chance because they really don't give a damn. I don't agree. Just because you didn't beat her, cheat on her, or starve her, etc; doesn't mean the relationship should continue. There are a lot of actions humans do that cause emotional/physcological pain to another person. Taking responsibility for those actions, thinking before acting, and keep communication lines open are integral to a relationship. Just asking for more and more chances isn't going to cut it. You can be the greatest guy in the world, but if you can't communicate effectively with her then the relationship isn't going to last. She needs to know that every morning she wakes up with you, could be her last. She could lose you at any time. Keep a girl through fear. Its a short term solution. Fear and intimidation... I thought you said earlier in the post that those were valid reasons to break up with a man? Please, challenge this mindset. It won't work for a long term, healthy relationship. Your idea is to develope a fearful environment in order to create an unhealthy response from a person. You want her scared you'll leave so that fear will cause her to stay. I don't know how to explain it any better. You just said intimidation tactics (threatening her) were reason to break up. Now you say they're okay and in fact recommended? p.s. I'm not an idealist.
Author trent25 Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 I don't agree. Just because you didn't beat her, cheat on her, or starve her, etc; doesn't mean the relationship should continue. There are a lot of actions humans do that cause emotional/physcological pain to another person. Taking responsibility for those actions, thinking before acting, and keep communication lines open are integral to a relationship. Just asking for more and more chances isn't going to cut it. You can be the greatest guy in the world, but if you can't communicate effectively with her then the relationship isn't going to last. Keep a girl through fear. Its a short term solution. Fear and intimidation... I thought you said earlier in the post that those were valid reasons to break up with a man? Please, challenge this mindset. It won't work for a long term, healthy relationship. Your idea is to develope a fearful environment in order to create an unhealthy response from a person. You want her scared you'll leave so that fear will cause her to stay. I don't know how to explain it any better. You just said intimidation tactics (threatening her) were reason to break up. Now you say they're okay and in fact recommended? p.s. I'm not an idealist. I covered the first part of your response by presenting to you the loss of attraction. Please read the my second paragraph on how a girl loses attraction. The loss of attraction could include many things such as emotional/pyschological pain you spoke of. But the laws of attraction apply here as well. As for the second part of your argument about keeping a girl in fear. I laughed at this because you as a woman should know this. HUMAN BEINGS, ESPECIALLY WOMEN, PLACE A HIGHER VALUE ON SOMETHING THEY CANNOT HAVE, OR ARE AFRAID OF LOSING. Fear is not as a big factor as a woman's desire for a man who is not a doormat. A man who will get up and leave you on your ass if you seriously offend him. That is an attractive quality in a man. To know that someone out there could snatch him if you don't want him. Do you want that? Or do you want a guy that you can have anytime you want? If you want to call it fear, so be it. But at the end of the day, a woman's desire is strengthened by a man who COULD leave.
jusified Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 Thats not true dude, I much value a girl that loves, cares and wants to be with me then a girl who is half hearted or don't even care about me. If you are telling me all women are complete opposite of that then I guess I'll just have to be alone forever. But honestly, if you keep someone guessing eventually they are going to get sick of it and leave.
Sand&Water Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 RE: The whole post and you, Trent25, sounded awfully bitter. Yes. Bitter, uncaring, and red-hot angry at your woman and/or women. You made a few legitimate and fair points about your woman -or at least the type of women similar to your ex-girlfriend. But the rest of the post was mainly common sense about the human race in general -add on top of that the lingering sadness and abandonment men feel when they are dumped, as you are currently experiencing. If a girl likes you, she will give you a million chances as long as she sees you really love her. But some will never give you that chance because they really don't give a damn. Not True. In today's society millions of men have been given the pleasure of making fools and jerks out of themselves. This is true across all ages -but specifically in young North American men. A woman could be going through a very tough time in her life and given she is mature and wise enough, she'd be exceptionally aware that a relationship and love would not be the best option for her. Mr. Right will have to wait -or simply move on. One of the worst things to experience is having a deep connection and love with your woman/girlfriend, only to realize she is breaking up with you to run back to her ex-boyfriend because she is still in love with him. That is a punch right through the heart, let me tell you. The one file I didn't understand: Why didn't you dump her? What red flags did she see in you that you didn't see yourself? I thought quarter-middled aged men would be smart enough to pick up on the red flags in a relationship. Perhaps women, these days, are starting to wear the pants in the relationship -become men. Sand&Water
Chamari Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 The whole idea of keeping them in suspense as to whether you'll still be around the next day sounds lame to me--sure, they may stick with you because you've managed to get that edge, but if that's what's keeping them around that seems kind of sad, like you've given up on finding someone who could actually love you not just think of you as some kind of commodity that might go out of stock.
sockpuppet Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 I think people are reading too far into this suspense/guessing thing. Most anyone I know, myself included, will tend to take someone for granted or lose respect for them if they don't set boundaries. Women especially look for this in a guy...both sexes definitely push the limits, but it *seems* to me that women do this a little bit more, and if a guy responds unfavorably it can turn her off really quick. It doesn't mean the guy shouldn't care about her or vice versa, it just means that you should have enough dignity and self-esteem to realize when you deserve better. Sand...I have no idea why you're attacking Trent like that and saying all this about women wearing the pants now. You actually sound more bitter than he is, attacking North American men?? In the wake of heartbreak, people can get jaded and bitter, so even if he was it'd be understandable. I think his points are valid...guys and girls alike both tend to cling on and cry their eyes out when they get dumped, and not only does it perpetuate their pain but it usually pushes their ex away even farther, killing the likelihood of a second chance. The most attractive thing you can do after being dumped is to show that more matters to you in life than a relationship.
Author trent25 Posted June 15, 2007 Author Posted June 15, 2007 Thats not true dude, I much value a girl that loves, cares and wants to be with me then a girl who is half hearted or don't even care about me. If you are telling me all women are complete opposite of that then I guess I'll just have to be alone forever. But honestly, if you keep someone guessing eventually they are going to get sick of it and leave. I have no idea what this person was reading. I have no idea what he is trying to say. Thanks Sock for clearing things up for me. This post is an advice and lessons that every young man should follow. If you read it carefully it has nothing to do with fear, intimidation, bitterness, or anything negative. It's about moving on, respecting yourself as a man, and accepting the fact that there are some girls who are just not into you. As far as the other poster who said "why didn't you dump her". I did, she came back and told me she was bullimic. I felt bad, wanted to help. I cared with all my heart. I thought that her pulling away from me was her depression and bullimia. 2 weeks after we broke up (she dissappeared) she got a new man. This leads me to one conclusion: Bullimic, depressed, bipolar, young, whatever, she just was not into me as much as I was into her. She liked someone else. I found out late. So now I move on and try not to make the same mistakes. Reading comprehension skills are important. Please read it again to understand what this post is really about.
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