Cobra_X30 Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 scared, I am not sure that it is a responsible act to provide advice on how to "not get caught". I get the feeling from your post that the MM your involved with does not love you enough to leave his wife. Why would you ever settle on bieng #2? upto, The issues in your marriage that made you want to leave are still going to be there if you try to make it work. It seems terribly inconsistent to run off with some guy one minute and the next want to make the M work. The only reason you DONT tell your husband what you have been doing is if you get a D.
scaredinlove Posted June 16, 2007 Posted June 16, 2007 scared, I am not sure that it is a responsible act to provide advice on how to "not get caught". I get the feeling from your post that the MM your involved with does not love you enough to leave his wife. Why would you ever settle on bieng #2? upto, The issues in your marriage that made you want to leave are still going to be there if you try to make it work. It seems terribly inconsistent to run off with some guy one minute and the next want to make the M work. The only reason you DONT tell your husband what you have been doing is if you get a D. Cobra, Nothing comes good of confessing or getting caught. I have live thru it and still am living. The affair is not the cause of the her marriage being unhappy it is the concequence. Happy married peopl usually don't cheat. By unhappy I don't mean that they don't love their spouses I mean that they had issues and instead of facing it they look for what is missing some place else.I did it! If she wants to keep the affarir it should be keep a secret. Right now the last thing she needs is to go thru the hell of discovery.Right now she needs to quiet down and decide what she wants to do and go from there.She is in a very emotional and a discovery would only make it more difficult.But that is only my opinion based what happed to me, for all that I know it could be wrong! I am not number one or number too.There are no numbers in this. I felt in love with the right person on the wrong time. He does loves me enough but he loves his W too and he feels he is obligated to her. They have a house, they had a family , a past and maybe a future together ... I have my kids, I have been married ,now I just want take it easy and be with the man I love- even if it is only part-time.It is my choice! I know it is hard to understand but after a long time I decided it and I am happy so far:).
Author upto_here Posted June 17, 2007 Author Posted June 17, 2007 You are NOT a fool! I been there I know how you feel took me a long time to get where I am now. You are going thru a lot, the marriage, the affair, the terminated pregnancy, changing jobs. Come on don't be so harsh on yourself!!!! Just take it easy and you will find the best solution , be patient and take it easy. One day at a time:). Things you fall in place again!Bad times pass and go away,only when we are going thru it we forget and think that it willlast forever.This all will pass and things will be fine again. i admire you of how you been patient ...you must be frustrated at the time ..may be less maybe more than me...i know i been too harsh to myself i pushed myself too fast and too hard...everything is come at the same time and i felt like i will explode ..i took out on everything i saw myself like that and when you look yourself in the mirror you kind of look away...i don't know if i can be patient like you ...but i will try my best....today we talked again and we argue ..not like us at all ..i just wanted to know when will we be able to see each other again and he said he will be in touch<i hate this word> ,he said he is in trouble with his cell phone at the moment ,his w check on the bill and its my number most of the time and he wanted to lay low for the time being...again he need more time...i asked him just for what security can he gave me when we not see each other like everyday.. he said he don't know until he sold the business...and i just burst and took everything out on him...i am pushing him away...and i regret every single word i said and its awful...if we both saw its a dead end why is he hanging on to me why can't he just walkaway...he said he don't want me to get hurt by hanging around but what he asked as well as he want to know how he felt about me and he said if something is really deep feeling you won't let go....are most of the MM are like that? what is it with him? ....my emotional is wrecked in one way...i don't know what it is....or how it will turn out.... pure in the heart:thank you very much for your pray i think i need it to help me get through this ordeal..and its true what you said about my mental and my physical...they are combined, i saw myself very unhealthy can not sleep or eat properly..i need to dig myself out of this hole ..and i will ,,,,you are right i will,,, try!!!to go no contact with him ,,did you hear that,,hooray..:bunny:it might make me feel better..i felt it sometime that when we not see each other like weekend ..i am ok..even only 1 day no contact ,,but i won't count on it much...as it only 1 day..again thank you for all of your concerned ..comment from you guys it does help me....a lot....i'm glad i seen LS and see everyone opinion in a different situation..i am greadful..
scaredinlove Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 Up I wasn'tg always like that, if you read thru my posts you see I was just like you are now, not long ago. I guess it a process you have to go thru.
Onelife Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 i admire you of how you been patient ...you must be frustrated at the time ..may be less maybe more than me...i know i been too harsh to myself i pushed myself too fast and too hard...everything is come at the same time and i felt like i will explode ..i took out on everything i saw myself like that and when you look yourself in the mirror you kind of look away...i don't know if i can be patient like you ...but i will try my best....today we talked again and we argue ..not like us at all ..i just wanted to know when will we be able to see each other again and he said he will be in touch<i hate this word> ,he said he is in trouble with his cell phone at the moment ,his w check on the bill and its my number most of the time and he wanted to lay low for the time being...again he need more time...i asked him just for what security can he gave me when we not see each other like everyday.. he said he don't know until he sold the business...and i just burst and took everything out on him...i am pushing him away...and i regret every single word i said and its awful...if we both saw its a dead end why is he hanging on to me why can't he just walkaway...he said he don't want me to get hurt by hanging around but what he asked as well as he want to know how he felt about me and he said if something is really deep feeling you won't let go....are most of the MM are like that? what is it with him? ....my emotional is wrecked in one way...i don't know what it is....or how it will turn out.... pure in the heart:thank you very much for your pray i think i need it to help me get through this ordeal..and its true what you said about my mental and my physical...they are combined, i saw myself very unhealthy can not sleep or eat properly..i need to dig myself out of this hole ..and i will ,,,,you are right i will,,, try!!!to go no contact with him ,,did you hear that,,hooray..:bunny:it might make me feel better..i felt it sometime that when we not see each other like weekend ..i am ok..even only 1 day no contact ,,but i won't count on it much...as it only 1 day..again thank you for all of your concerned ..comment from you guys it does help me....a lot....i'm glad i seen LS and see everyone opinion in a different situation..i am greadful.. Sorry to hear that you feel so bad upto_here. Just take a deep breath and go for a walk. It might help you in some way....just to slow down. NC may not be the ultimate answer and you may even have to go through a couple of them but it sure will help you to put things down to look at each of them given more time. You may see things differently as the time goes by. You may be surprised of how one or two days of NC could give you the space you need for thinking or even just a brake. Try to find the way to slower your mind. Big hug to you!
Cobra_X30 Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Scared, I am sorry that is something you had to go through, but if you want to stay and make a marriage work you have to start by bieng honest. Rebuilding on a foundation of lies is the dumbest thing ever. You owe it to your spouse to allow them to make an informed choice about remaining in the marriage. It really sounds like you try to blame A on the BS. The fact is that when you have an A, you own 100% of your actions. Its just like the rapist who claims "she was dressed like she wanted it". Dont blame the victim, if you are unhappy with your marriage you have thousands of other options. Ask any guy here. There ARE numbers, and you are #2, otherwise the W wouldnt be in the picture. You are just hoping that in time maybe that will change.
Author upto_here Posted June 18, 2007 Author Posted June 18, 2007 Hi guys...today is my first day at my new job...i should be happy and start to get on ....but i felt so empty...fear ...scared ..and felt like crying..actually i am crying now.......weekend past 1 day NC ...i was ok but today ..i miss him so much..i encourage myself not to go down that road ...and give myself more time..i knew i made a bad choices by leaving my old job...but i just wantd to move on....and see what will brought me....i'm not sure i will give 100% to my new job...but i will try my best...wish me luck and keep me support...i think i need you guys... cobra: i think every circumstances is diferrent sometime in the M ...when we all work out it will work but in some case no matter how hrd we try i won't work..i don't think in all M nobody wanted it to end...its not that easy...whatever decision we all made i think we all thought tru ...but its for the best of all parties.....its easy to get in the R but its hard to get out whatever your R be.....please don't be too harsh on us...
Cobra_X30 Posted June 18, 2007 Posted June 18, 2007 Upto, I read Dante's Inferno in HighSchool. Do you remember that the lowest level of hell is reserved for those who are betrayers... example... Judas, Brutus, and Satan. Just because our society now gives you a free pass doesnt mean that what you do is ok. Yes, I get a little peeved when I see someone trying to blame others for thier own actions. Everything you do in life, every choice, has a consequence. Who is going to pay those consequences? The children alway pay the highest price. I'm sorry its harsh... (it isnt directed 100% at you).
PoshPrincess Posted June 19, 2007 Posted June 19, 2007 The children alway pay the highest price. I'm sorry its harsh... (it isnt directed 100% at you). Kids are resillient, they will get over it! Better that a M is ended than kids living in an unhappy household.
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