girlie908 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 hii. my boyfriend and i just went on a break because he basically said that he has other commitments that are more important to him than i am right now, and i accepted that. i on the other hand, was willing to compromise and make sacrifices to make our relationship work during the summer (we go to school together but live four hours apart during the summer), but he is very bad at keeping up the communication, and i felt as if it was unfair for me since this relationship felt one sided. i visited him last friday (went way out of my way, something is wrong with me, i do crazy things for love like skip school/work) and we decided to go on a break. he had to go to work so we didn't get to talk much about it, and i left because i had to go to a graduation party. we haven't really talked since except for him sending me a mailing address to send some books he borrowed of someone's that he left at my place. i called him once on saturday but his brother said he was busy and would call me back. he never did. but he did call me the next night to tell me that i left some of my notes at his house yet my phone was off so it went straight to voicemail. i just sent him a facebook message saying i sent the package, and wished him well. sorry for the long intro, but my question is, should i talk to him about the guidelines for the break? like how long, what we can and cannot do, if we should see each other and how much we should talk? should i call him or email him? should i just wait for him to contact me so we can talk about the guidelines for the break? ps: this totally sucks but before we went on a break, last week i had a teddy bear sent thru 1800 flowers to arrive at his house this wednesday, bc i knew it would be after his first exam and that he would be totally stressed and would study really hard for it, and it would basically say that i missed him. but now we are on a break, so it's kind of awkward. should i see if he mentions it, or if he receives it and doesn't say anything, do i have the right to be mad? any comments or suggestions would be great. i love reading all LS forums, they really help you thru the tough times and it's nice knowing that we all go through this type of stuff and we are not alone! =)
norajane Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 You can set all the rules you want, but if he was the one who asked for the break, he's the one who's really setting the rules, his rules, because you still want to be with him. See, he's the one who wants to be away from the relationship. So you could say you want to talk once a week, but he's not necessarily going to agree with that and he just won't call you if he doesn't want to. You can say it should last a month, but if he wants it to be longer, he just won't call you or see you after that month. And you can say that you don't agree to seeing other people while on break, but if he does, what can you do about it except for breaking up altogether? So, what I would suggest is asking him what he considers a break to mean. Then you either agree or not, but be prepared to break up because you might not like his rules and you really don't have any other recourse. Good luck.
Author girlie908 Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 hey thanks for the advice. yea i know what you mean, and i've definitely learned from this relationship that you cannot force guys/anyone to do what you want. they have to want to do it on their own, no matter how much you want them to do it/coerce them too. especially if you try to force them to do something, they will pull away in the other direction. do you guys think i should keep pulling for this relationship or just move on? it sucks when you really care about someone but it is so one-sided that it is almost cruel.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 When someone hands you a break, the best thing to do is hand them a breakup. That is generally what they want anyway, but are too concerned about hurting your feelings and looking like the bad guy - plus its nice to have someone on the back burner in case your new pursuits don't work out. It doesn't matter if you stick around for him or not, the end result will be the same. He will continue to treat you this way until he gets up the courage to turn the 'break' into a 'breakup'. I guess it depends on how much time you want to spend in this limbo. You can drag it out for a long time, or you can go ahead and initiate the breakup and get started with your healing process. Just stop contacting him altogether. No more calls, no texts, no emails, nada. If he contacts you, just let him know that you aren't happy with this 'break' and need a 'break' of your own: a breakup, in fact. You don't need to worry about 'losing him' if you do this. He is already gone. Its just up to you to shut the door.
passionpeach Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Well, you can make rules all you want but it is still up to him to follow them or not. Besides, by the looks of it, your guy tends to attend much to things about himself to the point that he is willing to sacrifice your relationship just to get his own way. I suggest that you be strong for yourself. Do not give up on him but at least give yourself more attention right now.Love yourself. Go shopping, go to the spa, treat yourself. Stay beautiful. Hug yourself when you are down. Do not push your guy to give you more attention than what he is giving right now lest he all the more push himself away from you. You can do this. Be strong.
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