Melissa277 Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 I fantasize about a remote control shock collar. When my H decides to act and argue with the logic of a toddler, my thumb goes ape crazy!!!! I fantasize about that stuff too Wishes, except my fantasy is a mack truck coming at him 150 mph with me at the wheel.
smartgirl Posted June 28, 2007 Posted June 28, 2007 Lynna, this really sucks. I can't believe he has the nerve to be mad at you because you won't let him go out on a double date with his OW and accomplises. What planet of selfishness is he on? You are going to have to let his go until you get into MC and deal with it there. Some subjects really need a guide to help you through it. I don't understand how he could not see how this makes you feel and be sorry enough for all he has done to not go voluntarily. This is important - he has to EARN you forgiveness. You should not be expected to just give it without any acts on his part to make amends. For crying out loud, not going to this party was a no brainer. A really easy thing to do to show how he cares. He is afraid of the boss telling him he is whipped and feeling unmanly. He needs to grow up and be a real man. Talk about falling in with the wrong crowd.
Author Lynna Posted June 29, 2007 Author Posted June 29, 2007 Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support! I do like the idea of the nipple twist! (insert evil laughter) but I think the mack truck might get a little messy! Yeah, he is really good at passive agressive behavior, always has been. We have talked about it a lot, but I think he has done it so long that he does not even realize it. That is one of the next highest priorities in MC! I can't wait until we hit the road and this can't come up anymore. He brought up going out with his friends for a beer again today as I was going out to run some errands. I have to admit I wonder whether he asked he to come over real quickly so he could say goodbye. I don't think so because he was still in his grubbies when I got home, but I bet he talked with her on the phone. I have not had an opportunity to check today. Because we were separated for awhile, dealing with the A has been put on the back burner. So I think he has forgotten that he has to earn back my trust. He has forgotten how hurt I am and how he has to help me heal. We really need the MC! Part of my problem is that I was always the peacemaker in my house when growing up. I always did what was necessary to calm and diffuse situations. I hate conflict. Consequently I always feel guilty when he pulls this stuff, and he knows it works which is why he does it. I need to listen to all your advice. You are right, I need to stand up to him and just lay it on the line like I did after dday!!!! Time to get mad again. Though boy will that make for a fun road trip (insert sarcasm!). Thanks everyone, I will get through this (if we can ever get completely packed that is!)
Author Lynna Posted July 3, 2007 Author Posted July 3, 2007 Just to let you know how things turned out. No, he did not go to the party, though he talked about it every day. I am very relieved. I kept doubting myself, whether I would cave or not. He even brought it up again during the moving trip. He said that it hurt him that he did not get to say goodbye to his friends. Believe it or not he said that it was the honorable thing to do when parting. Yeah, well you can believe that I pointed out that the HONORABLE thing to do would have been to keep his d**k in his pants to begin with! Boy was I pissed! I said the fact that you cannot understand how I feel about this shows how much we still need to work on. I pointed out how him remaining in any contact with her is just continuing an EA. He can't see that apparently. I am desperately hoping that MC and his IC will help him see my point of view, see where I am coming from. Everytime I ask him how he would feel in my shoes he says he would not like it. He is being very hypocritical and selfish about this. But he admits how depressed and lonely he was while we were separated, and how desperately he missed me. Lots of issues to work through for us both.
Love is Tragic Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 uggghhh,not knowing if there is really NC is the absolute worst!! I had the same problem when my H was staying in contact with an ex g/f. At first i tried to be cool about it and allow it,until he kept hiding it from me. Then i told him it would have to be NC or i was leaving. We still had some set-backs, but supposedly it has been NC with her for a while. I hope. But theres no real way of knowing. My H uses the computers at his work, and hes the only one with access to our phone bill right now so he could be in contact with her everyday and i would have no clue, as long as hes careful about it. It sucks doesnt it?
Author Lynna Posted July 9, 2007 Author Posted July 9, 2007 Yep, my H uses his work computer/account for all communication with his xOW. I can check his cell phone since he has to use that because it is a long distance call. He actually does not talk to her that often apparently. I really would love to see his email records though. But then again, would I really? I just know that I have to learn how to let it go, move on, and start to trust again.
Seen_It_All Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I just know that I have to learn how to let it go, move on, and start to trust again.After reading the other thread about the condoms he purchased and then having read all THIS, I honestly don't believe a word that comes out of this guy's mouth. I don't believe for a SECOND that he was 'unable to get aroused' with the bar fly in that hotel room and that he left soon after. And I don't believe for a SECOND all the nonsense about being suicidal, either. It's all a crock of bullshi*t simply designed to take the focus off his UNBELIEVEABY selfish and self-entitled behavior and have you feel SORRY for him instead of dumping his a*ss which he deserves. He was involved in an affair as recently as December (when it supposedly ended) and this idiot has the NERVE to complain about how he feels he should have been able to go on a double date with his ex-OW and another couple in an affair? Because that's what it WAS - a double date. Jesus, I can't believe how selfish and clueless this a*ss is. And then to have the cajones to actually tell you that you NEED to start trusting him again? I wouldn't trust this guy to shine my da*mn shoes. I hate to say it, but I think you're in for a world of hurt with this guy. All he does is cheat and think he's entitled to do so. Then when you catch him, he gives you ridiculous excuses such as, "poor me - I was abused/I'm depressed/I'm suicidal" bullsh*t stories. I'd bet my RIGHT ARM his ridiculous hotel story about not being able to get aroused was PURE BULL. Dig deeper. It would BEHOOVE you to do so, Lynna.
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