high_boost Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 hello everyone. nice board. ok to the point. i have this problem.. i can only date someone for a few months before i lose interest in them and it will be for no real reason at all. ive been in 2 long relationships. currently i cannot keep interest in anyone i date for longer than a month or 2 sometimes less. everything starts out just fine and i really like the person im dating but after a few weeks/month i all the sudden lose all feelings for that person and find some stupid reason to leave them. its really starting to make me mad because these are beautiful, nice women im doing this to. its seriously like a night and day situation. one day i'll think this girl is great and i cant wait to see her again, and the next day i'll be thinking of a way to get out of the relationship. does anyone else have this happen to them? anyone know what i can do to get rid of my problem? thanks for any help.
norajane Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Is there any other commonality besides sudden lost interest? Like, does it happen shortly after you have sex with them? After you introduce them to your friends or family? After you go out to a club with friends and meet other women? After you feel certain they are falling for you? What happened in your two longer relationships? Were you hurt in some way at the ending?
Author high_boost Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 my first long relationship was when i was 16 and ended after a little over a year because of the same reason. i just lost interest. my second long relationship was about 8 years and ended when i found out she was cheating on me. the thing was i was losing interest in her too but stayed with her because we have a kid together. i believe that if it were not for my daughter i wouldnt have stayed with the one that cheated for so long. as far as commonalities i cant really think of any. sometimes i introduce them to my friends, and they always like her, sometimes i dont. i dont think i ever introduce them to family. i seem to search for an imperfection and use that to end the relationship. its always for a different reason. like this one girl didnt make it past the first date because she basicly begged me to sleep with her on the first night. invited me up to her place, and then when i went to leave a hour later she yanked me down and pretty much tried to rape me. not really rape me but you get the point. another recent one was a girl who i dated for a month and had slept with her a few times and then one night after leaving a concert i was tired so i didnt feel like having sex and i told her that but she kept begging me to have sex with her. i broke it off the next day. another recent one was this other girl i dated for 2 months that didnt want to hang out with me and my friends one night because she thought that cruising through the mountains with us was pointless and boring and she didnt want me to go either. she wanted me to stay home with her and do nothing. seriously nothting. like when we got home we watched tv for an hour and then she was like " im tired im gonna go to bed now". none of these are reasons to break it off with someone but it always seems like the right thing to do. it never feels right after the first few months. im so sick of it too.. im tired of being alone but i cant seem to stay with anyone. noone has ever broken it off with me, its always been my doing. someone please help me get past this.
norajane Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 my first long relationship was when i was 16 and ended after a little over a year because of the same reason. i just lost interest. Well, at 16, a year is, like, forever. There's nothing unusual in losing interest after a year. my second long relationship was about 8 years and ended when i found out she was cheating on me. the thing was i was losing interest in her too but stayed with her because we have a kid together. i believe that if it were not for my daughter i wouldnt have stayed with the one that cheated for so long. 8 years is also a long time, plus the cheating thing. So, again, not at all unusual. like this one girl didnt make it past the first date because she basicly begged me to sleep with her on the first night. invited me up to her place, and then when i went to leave a hour later she yanked me down and pretty much tried to rape me. not really rape me but you get the point.Skank. Or drunk. Either way, she wouldn't take no for an answer, which means she didn't respect you. So, that's not an inconsequential reason for not seeing her again. another recent one was a girl who i dated for a month and had slept with her a few times and then one night after leaving a concert i was tired so i didnt feel like having sex and i told her that but she kept begging me to have sex with her. i broke it off the next day.Again, she turned you off because she wasn't respecting you. Her behavior was out of line, and if you had stayed with her, you would have seen more examples of how she would put her needs/demands over yours. another recent one was this other girl i dated for 2 months that didnt want to hang out with me and my friends one night because she thought that cruising through the mountains with us was pointless and boring and she didnt want me to go either. she wanted me to stay home with her and do nothing. seriously nothting. like when we got home we watched tv for an hour and then she was like " im tired im gonna go to bed now". Sounds like you weren't actually compatible. You certainly didn't enjoy doing the same things. You were BORED. none of these are reasons to break it off with someone but it always seems like the right thing to do. it never feels right after the first few months. I disagree with you. Those were good reason to break things off. These women were obviously not right for you. You aren't doing anything wrong. You're dating - with the exception of the first two relationships, these women were not girlfriends even though you thought of them that way. This is what dating is like. You meet, you go out a few times, you get to know them and decide if they are someone you want to be a girlfriend or someone you don't really want to see anymore. That's how dating works. We don't always win when we date, we don't win with every person we date, and it's not always fun, and we don't always like the person after we get to know them better. The good thing is, it only takes one good one. So keep going out there, keep dating, and eventually, you'll meet a lady who's a keeper.
Author high_boost Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 if this is all normal than why do i feel like such an ********* everytime i break it off. they even call me *******, or whatever else. they get so attached so fast and try to push things so quickly and before i know it breaking it off with them seems to them like im stabbing them in the heart and it makes me feel like its my fault. i end up getting crying voicemails pleading with me saying they will change and do whatever i want and that makes things worse because i ignore them and feel even worse. is it possible that im being too nice in the beginning? should i stop being nice and start being a stone? with the girl that tried to get laid on the first night we didnt drink so she wasnt drunk. i can understand why i didnt see her again. the whole night she kept saying she thought i was a player because i was still single and too good to be true and she doesnt trust me. then she tries to sleep with me, and when i dont she says im an ******* and prolly have 5 other girls bla bla bla. but the other 2 i mentioned were fine other than the things i mentioned. i wouldnt think a normal person would dismiss them so quickly for something so small. i mean concert girl was just drunk and horny prolly. us guys get the same way dont we, but dont get dumped because of it. the other girl we had some things in common. sparks flew in the bedroom, she was conservative and i liked her alot but after that day i couldnt even see her again. wouldnt most people give it a chance? my problem is as soon as i find anything at all i dont like i dont try to work with it i just bail. is that really normal? sometimes nothing happens and i just wake up and dont like the person anymore.
norajane Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 i mean concert girl was just drunk and horny prolly. us guys get the same way dont we, but dont get dumped because of it.Yes, actually, guys do get dumped for it. Depends on the kind of woman the guy tries that with. I'm sorry to say, but it sounds like you are attracted to clingy, needy women who don't have a lot of self-esteem or self-respect. Most women don't call and leave crying voice mails after a guy they've been seeing for a month breaks up with them. The kind of people who "give it a chance", as you put it, when they see that they aren't really attracted to someone's personality or behavior are the kind of people who are desperate to be in a relationship, any relationship, and do not heed the warning signs of not really being into who they are. Dude, keep dating. You'll know when it feels right. If you were really into those women, they could fart in your face and you'd laugh at their silly little quirk and come back for more.
Author high_boost Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 haha!! that was funny. thanks for the advice. i feel a bit better now and i think your right. that fart bit put it all into place for me. now im gonna be like... fart in my face so i can tell if your the real deal or not lol!! hehe.
norajane Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 haha!! that was funny. thanks for the advice. i feel a bit better now and i think your right. that fart bit put it all into place for me. now im gonna be like... fart in my face so i can tell if your the real deal or not lol!! hehe. You might want to wait until the second or third date before you make that request...
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