unluckee Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Hi everyone... I dont know if anyone will even read this but I am desperate for some unbiased advice and I do not know where else to turn.Here's my story: I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We have had our ups and downs but we have made it thru and are still together today. We have been able to make it thru everything except one major mistake I committed about 2 years ago. One night, while out at a bar drinking heavily I got very out of hand and hit my boyfriend... many times. Try not to hate me yet. Nothing I could ever say can explain what I was thinking or who I was at that moment. My mother had been recently diagnosed with breast cancer and needless to say I was going thru a deep depression. To top it off, I later found out I was pregnant at the time of the incident (I later aborted the child). It was a horrible time in my life and I made some horrible mistakes that I cannot ever take back. But I am not a horrible person. It is 2 years later and like I said, we have made it thru. However, his friends and family will not accept the fact that we have moved on from that and are happy. I cant say that I blame them. But I also know that if I never get them to forgive me somehow, my relationship will inevitably fail. We do not spend holidays or family events together. I do not want to come between my boyfriend and everyone he loves! What can I possibly do to fix this? Am I better off walking away and letting him move on to someone who he can start over with? His happiness means everything to me and I feel like I ruined my relationship with the person I am supposed to be with. HELP ME PLEASE!
Walk Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do to change their minds right now. The best course of action is steady, consistent action on your part. Has your bf talked to his parents about how they feel about you, and what was going on in your life at the time? Have you talked to them about this at all? (just curious) I'm not sure what might help, but maybe you could visit them, or call, or even write them a letter, and explain what was going on in your life at the time. Send/print out some studies of how the hormonal changes from pregnancy can affect a woman. Include any relevant information you might find about depression and it's affects on the brain. Let them know that you aren't excusing your behavior, and you knew it was wrong, but the combination of events were abnormal enough to cause you to act in ways you wouldn't otherwise. I also know that family sometimes takes it very personally when someone hurts their son/brother. Almost like a personal attack on them. It might help to let them know you have made amends to their son/brother, that you understand the severity of your actions, and what you've learned from the experience. Just be sincere and upfront. If they get out of control... be polite, and let them know you'd like to discuss it calmly. if that's not going to happen, then excuse yourself and let them know you're available if they would like to talk later. (I don't know how psychotic his family is.. hopefully they're rational people.) If you keep a consistent, calm, message that you want to be keep good relations for the sake of their son, and you want the best for their son.. then I think eventually they'll come around.
Star Gazer Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Before I respond, I need to make sure this "hitting" event did not take place at the SaddleRanch on Sunset in L.A. ...
Requiem Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 The family dosnt really matter unless it matters to him. Your not with them... your not dateing his brothers/sister/parents... your with him. We all make mistakes and they have to understand that. They are just worried for there loved one just as you would worry the same for yours. You cannot force anyone to like you, just be yourself and show them that what you are is what you are. If they hate you for you, then its better than being loved for what your not.
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