waitingwaitingonyou Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Well I got into an ldr about 4 months ago. It has had its ups and downs. She comes from a small town 1 hour from me but lives 5 hours away. I am going to keep this very short for all of you:) The problem is that when we are together everything is great but when we are away it is like she only talks to me out of spite. When we are together she tells me how much she loves me and how she loves being with me and that she misses me when I am gone. When we are not together our relationship is all about arguing and she never initiates contact. She never calls or sends sms or anything. She also tells me that I bug her and stuff, and that I ask to many questions. She is also on this site called facebook and she writes in forums that she doesnt belong in to try to meet other guys. She also blocks me from what groups she is in and people she has added to her list. It really pisses me off! Right now we just planned a trip to Spain together. I paid for the trip but she is supposed to pay me back the 14th of this month for her part. We try and see each other on the weekends and stuff and plan things together. I am a teacher so I will have the whole summer off, I will get to see her alot more. I like this girl but I am debating on not putting in the effort and time after our trip in 2 weeks. She also goes out alot to the bars and I do not have any idea what goes on there...she never tells me what she is doing or whatever... My main question is how to get her to come around and see that she is the one for me? Maybe I do bug her a little but I am just trying to keep the communication line together between us. Should I say anything about her internett activity or should I just let it go and see what happens? Should I play it off and not care? Has anyone lived through this?
rtHawk Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 hi in some ways I have in the earlier times of my LDR...and I have to say that trust, feelings of trust, knowing that the feelings and wants are mutual are very important to a LDR because they have their own very unique challenges. Have you spoken about your feelings and conerns? do you feel that in this early phase of your R she may be feeling a bit pressured or confined? You planned a trip together and that is a nice thing, but she should be up front with the financially resposnibilty to you.... I would hate for you to be taken advantage of. Has she told you how she feels about you? going out to clubs can be very harmless for some poeple because it just to go out with friends, have a drink ,dance , laugh etc.-- some use it to their advantage even when they are involved. have you discusse exclusivity with her?? maybe you should in a non-conrontational way be up front about your feelings and thoughts... in small doses. back off a bit so you don't give her some feelings of over dependence. But, be true to yourself, honest and share your thoughts carefully; if she doesn't respond the way you need and want, consider that maybe she isn't really the "right" one. or she needs to figure it out still that she wants to be with you.. you certainly deserve to be with one who wants to be with you!!!!!!!
catrocks Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Hi It sounds like your girlfriend is not mature enough for any kind of relationship, let alone a long distance one. Sorry if it sounds brutal, but in my opinion if you really love someone you want to talk to them and hear about their day etc... you want to stay connected so that you don't lose what you have just because of distance. It sounds like she's keeping her options open. Being all loving with you when you're there and trying to get other guys' attention when you're not there. Perhaps she feels the need for constant male attention or something, I don't know... But in my opinion she is being very selfish and immature. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel about her and tell her how it hurts that she blocks you from groups she's in, talks to all these other men, and tells you that she thinks you're annoying. She is not treating you with respect and you don't deserve that. Perhaps she's trying to keep you on your toes and make you jealous. But I think you need to make a decision.... if you tell her how you feel and she still acts the same do you really want to still be with her? And if the answer is no then tell her that. If she really cares for you she'll make room for you in her life and stop with the other men and everything (and being a total b!tch to you!) and give it a go with you. If she keeps acting like this then perhaps you need to find someone who is mature enough for a real relationship and who will treat you how you deserve to be treated.
justagirliegirl Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 The age old question is why people go ga ga over people who treat them like rubbish?
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